(no subject)
here i am again at the phoenix airport. this particular locale seems a divine spot for me to gather a list of complaints i have about the world (i see it as no coincidence that the following are mainly concerned with air travel).
1. people who glorify their respective hometown/city/etc. example: waiting in line for the southwestern curbside checkin, i hear a woman (my expert deductive skills led me to believe she was from chicago) complaining (very loudly), "i'm from chicago, in chicago we don't stand outside to wait in lines." far be it from me to explain to her that curbside checkin (for most airlines) does indeed take place in the general outdoor area so waiting in line in the outdoor area is inevitable. also, i've gotten a lot of this kind of city glorification from chicago-ites. i don't know what the deal is.
2. little kids who go to the bathroom with mommy and crawl under the stall and peek at me making annoying faces while i'm trying to take a piss. i'm sorry, all i want to do is piss on your stupid face at this point. so for your own good, stay with mommy.
3. IS THERE ANYTHING MORE RIDICULOUS THAN GETTING DRUNK ON A FUCKING AIRPLANE? a couple of alcoholic beverages is alright, but ordering vodka tonic after vodka tonic until you get essentially plastered is generally not a good idea when you're with a whole bunch of people in a tightly enclosed area in a giant metal contraption that is flying roughly 40,000 feet above sea level. jesus h. christ. and this guy...man. he kept blabbering on and on to those around him (one of whom i think actually genuinely cared) about his video ipod that his girlfriend gave him and about how he played the rose bowl about 9 times on it. to me, there's nothing more pathetic about replaying an apparently significant sports event (which, by the way, happened a while ago) over and over and over again. just because UT won the rose bowl doesn't mean you have to go and make a dumbass out of yourself. srsly. he should come to reed because omg everyone has an ipod and no one cares about anyone else's!
4. the guy behind me on the flight from austin to phoenix (see #2...this guy gets his own goddamned number because he was so insane).
5. seat kickers (see #s 2 and 3). i don't feel that i need to explain this one. it's fucking annoying. enough said.
6. fat people (on airplanes). when you're sitting in between two immense individuals, there's nothing one can do but suck it up and hold it out. it's tough but whatevs. you can't even have sophisticated arm rest battles because their bulge is expanding beyond their seat and into my own personal space, so it isn't even a contest. they get the armrest, bar none. life ain't fair, i'm telling you.
7. looking unattractive (while sleeping amidst complete strangers). so i was trying to read a selection from our essay collection in hum (a reading which, i might add, should have been done a week and a half ago) and i just got so sleepy i couldn't stand it. i put my head on my "tray table" and dozed off. i then woke up in a pool of drool.
8. airplane banter. you know what i'm talking about. or maybe you don't. what i'm talking about is the kind of thing that results when the pilot says something funny on the speaker. you know, the airplane giggles as a unit and talks amongst themselves. it's lame. i'm not into"unified giggling." i hate talking to people on airplanes. unless it's a weird circumstantial thing and we end up hitting it off, then whatever, that's cool. but it has to be effortless. that's the key.
9. airplanes, in general. coach is cramped. peanuts/crackers/pretzels suck.
okay...time to board another flight!
1. people who glorify their respective hometown/city/etc. example: waiting in line for the southwestern curbside checkin, i hear a woman (my expert deductive skills led me to believe she was from chicago) complaining (very loudly), "i'm from chicago, in chicago we don't stand outside to wait in lines." far be it from me to explain to her that curbside checkin (for most airlines) does indeed take place in the general outdoor area so waiting in line in the outdoor area is inevitable. also, i've gotten a lot of this kind of city glorification from chicago-ites. i don't know what the deal is.
2. little kids who go to the bathroom with mommy and crawl under the stall and peek at me making annoying faces while i'm trying to take a piss. i'm sorry, all i want to do is piss on your stupid face at this point. so for your own good, stay with mommy.
3. IS THERE ANYTHING MORE RIDICULOUS THAN GETTING DRUNK ON A FUCKING AIRPLANE? a couple of alcoholic beverages is alright, but ordering vodka tonic after vodka tonic until you get essentially plastered is generally not a good idea when you're with a whole bunch of people in a tightly enclosed area in a giant metal contraption that is flying roughly 40,000 feet above sea level. jesus h. christ. and this guy...man. he kept blabbering on and on to those around him (one of whom i think actually genuinely cared) about his video ipod that his girlfriend gave him and about how he played the rose bowl about 9 times on it. to me, there's nothing more pathetic about replaying an apparently significant sports event (which, by the way, happened a while ago) over and over and over again. just because UT won the rose bowl doesn't mean you have to go and make a dumbass out of yourself. srsly. he should come to reed because omg everyone has an ipod and no one cares about anyone else's!
4. the guy behind me on the flight from austin to phoenix (see #2...this guy gets his own goddamned number because he was so insane).
5. seat kickers (see #s 2 and 3). i don't feel that i need to explain this one. it's fucking annoying. enough said.
6. fat people (on airplanes). when you're sitting in between two immense individuals, there's nothing one can do but suck it up and hold it out. it's tough but whatevs. you can't even have sophisticated arm rest battles because their bulge is expanding beyond their seat and into my own personal space, so it isn't even a contest. they get the armrest, bar none. life ain't fair, i'm telling you.
7. looking unattractive (while sleeping amidst complete strangers). so i was trying to read a selection from our essay collection in hum (a reading which, i might add, should have been done a week and a half ago) and i just got so sleepy i couldn't stand it. i put my head on my "tray table" and dozed off. i then woke up in a pool of drool.
8. airplane banter. you know what i'm talking about. or maybe you don't. what i'm talking about is the kind of thing that results when the pilot says something funny on the speaker. you know, the airplane giggles as a unit and talks amongst themselves. it's lame. i'm not into"unified giggling." i hate talking to people on airplanes. unless it's a weird circumstantial thing and we end up hitting it off, then whatever, that's cool. but it has to be effortless. that's the key.
9. airplanes, in general. coach is cramped. peanuts/crackers/pretzels suck.
okay...time to board another flight!