(no subject)
so tonight i was talking with mike and i've decided upon one particular theory of psychology that i like that combines both empiricism and chemical balance as an excuse for...OCD, OCPD, borderline, anxiety, etc. essentially, i had outruled empiricism in favor if the theory that your chemical makeup is really what defines you. i guess i just ignored the fact that you can have both. essentially, you do have a predetermined genetic and chemical balance within you. but your surroundings act as a catalyst for a particular action. example, you could have a disorder, but unless something prompts its actual existence, it just goes unnoticed. i think this is a pretty good explanation. PLUS it adds cushion to the argument that the world isn't just black and white, one thing or the other. there are shades of gray. maybe everyone else thought about this already but whatever. for this particular chemical reason, i like drugs, both legal and illegal. but for the purposes of this revelation, well just talk about legal ones. if there is a chemical inbalance (which is where i believe it all starts, as i stated) there's no amount of "natural remedy" that can assist you. i mean, sure, there are calming remedies and things of that nature. people always give psychiatric drugs a bad rep. if you pair them with therapy, it can help you like nothing else can. while you're on the drug, your therapist is supposed t work with you and change the way you think about a certain thing (this method is for particular "disorders"). instead of changing your lifestyle, they change your outlook. eventually, you'll develop an immunity to the drug, which is why they're not typically supposed to last a really long time. sure, you could just increase your dosage, but you can't very well end up taking 5,000 mg of paxil every day, now could you? essentially, you take a smaller amount of the drug every day while strengthening and changing your mindset through therapy. that way, once you develop an immunity you don't really need it anymore anyway because you keep your disorder in check (to put it bluntly). i don't know, i guess this just really made me think. i'm doing really excellently with celexa and keeping everything in check, but i'm worried that while i'm at reed i'll become so overwhelmed (due to the new environment and all the changes) that i'll blow something out of proportion and get anxious like i used to. it makes a lot of sense that i'm doing fine, especially right now that it's summer and things are pretty much relaxed. i've been thinking about asking my therapist if she knows of anyone in portland (i don't know how likely the chances are here) that i could go to while i'm there. but switching therapists is a very delicate and often tiresome thing. sometimes you have to tell all of your childhood stories and background information over again and that can be a waste of money, since most sessions last about an hour. i've been juggling this idea for awhile now. part of me tells me that i'll be fine when i'm up there but the other part tells me that i should see someone at least biweekly. i don't know. i guess i'll just talk to her about it.
i'm not usually a basketball fan, but the mavs are in the finals and i'm fuckin' stoked (i really hate that goddamned word). i call jill after every game and i think she's getting tired of it. but she's the only other person i know that i call regularly who's a fan of basketball. now jill is much more hardcore than i am. jill watches most of the games pre-playoffs. i only started watching after the playoffs. in fact, i'm pretty sure jill was the one who got me hooked. anyhow, i know she makes fun of me because i am definitely not the sort of person who watches basketball. but it's probably my favorite of all sports in general just because there seems to be so much more skill involved.
i text messaged our valedictoorian and told him i was going to get him drunk when he gets back from houston. all of the asian people (at least the ones in texas) either go to their respective asian countries over the summer or they go to houston to do cancer research. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. OR, LIKE ANTHONY, THEY DO BOTH. it's ridiculous.
i think i have achieved official ipod obsessive-ness. i was listening to it the other day and i had to go to the bathroom. so i did. while still listening. IT'S GREAT HAVING THAT KIND OF FREEDOM. it's like living in your own music video. well, i don't know how many artists take a piss in their music videos but whatever.
i'm going down to austin tomorrow to visit lauren. and i am EXCITED.
oh yeah, connie, i totally sent your present yesterday. FINALLY.
i'm not usually a basketball fan, but the mavs are in the finals and i'm fuckin' stoked (i really hate that goddamned word). i call jill after every game and i think she's getting tired of it. but she's the only other person i know that i call regularly who's a fan of basketball. now jill is much more hardcore than i am. jill watches most of the games pre-playoffs. i only started watching after the playoffs. in fact, i'm pretty sure jill was the one who got me hooked. anyhow, i know she makes fun of me because i am definitely not the sort of person who watches basketball. but it's probably my favorite of all sports in general just because there seems to be so much more skill involved.
i text messaged our valedictoorian and told him i was going to get him drunk when he gets back from houston. all of the asian people (at least the ones in texas) either go to their respective asian countries over the summer or they go to houston to do cancer research. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. OR, LIKE ANTHONY, THEY DO BOTH. it's ridiculous.
i think i have achieved official ipod obsessive-ness. i was listening to it the other day and i had to go to the bathroom. so i did. while still listening. IT'S GREAT HAVING THAT KIND OF FREEDOM. it's like living in your own music video. well, i don't know how many artists take a piss in their music videos but whatever.
i'm going down to austin tomorrow to visit lauren. and i am EXCITED.
oh yeah, connie, i totally sent your present yesterday. FINALLY.