Omg.... (sorry.... didn't spell check since i'm too worked up over this)
... I'm falling so madly in love with the most special person. And it feels different. This time it feels real... like i was 17 years old once again. i shook and my heart commenced to race while i was looking upon her face. getting closer and pullling back because it was just so incredibly wonderful to see and inspect how both of our bodies couldn't handle the tease involved in it. it was... just looking into those eyes.... something i haven't seen in so long. those deep blue eyes that are just filled with wisdom and beauty at the same time... this endless color of an ocean that has no bottom. an infinit abyss to get lost in just for me. the most amazing moment for at least 5 years has come to see me. instantly i started to feel things i haven't felt or missed for so many years. i found passion in me and furthermore discovered that behind all those walls that i constructed around my heart... my heart remained just to awaken for the right person.
it was something so ... there are no words... the way we held each other...the way our hands found themselves and entangled themselves in the most beautiful dance. how she began to shake an gasped for air while i "only" softly touched her neck with my lips. we weren't even naked and i haven't ever felt any sexual heat that would even try to compare itself to this most intense experience. she brought me back from the past in less than a week. she just cut right through all my defenses and directly went to place her flag on the top of the hill that happens to be my heart.
her eyes and her face are just burning in the back of my head... her face her smooth skin and her serious and at the same time goofy ways put a smile on my face that doesn't come out through my mouth muscles... it can be seen in my eyes.
her perfect soft lips and gourgeously shaped mouth...
i am lost... i am lost in beauty that cannot be described by things as simple as words... there are none to express what is going on inside of me when i picture her.
it is amazing... we just saw each other once and... i somehow knew what i had to do. i actually went and did itas well. i wrote her and told her how incredibly beautiful she was (which was everything that i knew never having talked to her before). we started to communicate in letters that weren't only letters... it was a tense game. the words were not written explicitly... they were actually entirely hidden within and between the lines.
then we met each other for the first time... it was only twelve hours that we couldn't let go of one another... it took her 12 hours to entirely change my life... she washed a way grief that has been lingering within me for so many years with just that single smile...
then when she got more and more comfortable around me she leand on my shoulder for just as long as a second and it was enough to send a shivering cold feeling down my spine that just changed things in the very depths of my mind.
on our walk home we knew that our first kiss was approaching and that we were happy and content to wait for it just a little longer enjoying the wait.
then i looked at her for only a split second and saw a movement that wasn't even overt (i don't know her face and her neck though they weren't moving suggested what she wanted) but it was so obvious and clear that she was ready to kiss. i whispered: "not just yet"... then i stopped and looked were we were. we were on the edge of a small bridge that crosses a little stream. i looked silly but knew what i had and wanted to do more than anything.
i grabed her hand and lead her. we backtracked a few steps to the middle of the bridge and looked at the water for a moment. it was time.
the way we looked was different from everything i have seen during so many years (which i some keep the emphasis on).
it was the most passionate and yet soft kiss in my life. there was no tongue involved nothing so simple needed to be done. it was just our lips barely touching one another ind the softest and most beautiful way there is.
at home we didn't "hit it off" directly... we stuck to our pace and our way which soft slow but a million times more intense than anything else imaginable.
we took our time teasing and caressing each others ears, necks, collar bones and shoulders in a way that i haven't experienced in ages (so it seems to me).
we couldn't keep ouselves from moaning though we never toched any "private" area. it was a different kind of moan however... is wasn't the stimulation or anything... it was all in our heads and so much better and even more real than anything that is physically possible.
this was it... it was life. real life... what life is all about... a moment an epiphany... i could see it all so clearly and i felt so incredibly alive.
one moment when we looked into each others' eyes it wasn't just visual... i was entirely freaked out as well her when we for a moment shared the ability to somehow look behind our eyes seeing one another the way we actually are... no defense no fassade. it wasn't real i guess but it sure felt like we were looking into each others' souls... then we smiled closed our eyes and our lips found to one another once more...
i told here that i wished for this moment to last forever and she answered that she was defenseless and lost all control.
the way we eventually fell asleep is not only worth mentioning. it is rather the essence because it depicts how comfortable we were with each other... i never felt someone pushing their body so closly to mine without actually pushing at all... i for myself never held anyone so tightly without holding on to her any harder than usual... it was just the weirdest and most amazing thing to happen to me in all those 25 years of my life.
though i know that our love is not meant to be due to the circumstances... just what we felt and shared last night. it will last in my heart until the day that i close my eyes for all eternity. the memories of her eyes shall become a guide for me. and a strong hope and confidence that i lacked for so long.
it was something so ... there are no words... the way we held each other...the way our hands found themselves and entangled themselves in the most beautiful dance. how she began to shake an gasped for air while i "only" softly touched her neck with my lips. we weren't even naked and i haven't ever felt any sexual heat that would even try to compare itself to this most intense experience. she brought me back from the past in less than a week. she just cut right through all my defenses and directly went to place her flag on the top of the hill that happens to be my heart.
her eyes and her face are just burning in the back of my head... her face her smooth skin and her serious and at the same time goofy ways put a smile on my face that doesn't come out through my mouth muscles... it can be seen in my eyes.
her perfect soft lips and gourgeously shaped mouth...
i am lost... i am lost in beauty that cannot be described by things as simple as words... there are none to express what is going on inside of me when i picture her.
it is amazing... we just saw each other once and... i somehow knew what i had to do. i actually went and did itas well. i wrote her and told her how incredibly beautiful she was (which was everything that i knew never having talked to her before). we started to communicate in letters that weren't only letters... it was a tense game. the words were not written explicitly... they were actually entirely hidden within and between the lines.
then we met each other for the first time... it was only twelve hours that we couldn't let go of one another... it took her 12 hours to entirely change my life... she washed a way grief that has been lingering within me for so many years with just that single smile...
then when she got more and more comfortable around me she leand on my shoulder for just as long as a second and it was enough to send a shivering cold feeling down my spine that just changed things in the very depths of my mind.
on our walk home we knew that our first kiss was approaching and that we were happy and content to wait for it just a little longer enjoying the wait.
then i looked at her for only a split second and saw a movement that wasn't even overt (i don't know her face and her neck though they weren't moving suggested what she wanted) but it was so obvious and clear that she was ready to kiss. i whispered: "not just yet"... then i stopped and looked were we were. we were on the edge of a small bridge that crosses a little stream. i looked silly but knew what i had and wanted to do more than anything.
i grabed her hand and lead her. we backtracked a few steps to the middle of the bridge and looked at the water for a moment. it was time.
the way we looked was different from everything i have seen during so many years (which i some keep the emphasis on).
it was the most passionate and yet soft kiss in my life. there was no tongue involved nothing so simple needed to be done. it was just our lips barely touching one another ind the softest and most beautiful way there is.
at home we didn't "hit it off" directly... we stuck to our pace and our way which soft slow but a million times more intense than anything else imaginable.
we took our time teasing and caressing each others ears, necks, collar bones and shoulders in a way that i haven't experienced in ages (so it seems to me).
we couldn't keep ouselves from moaning though we never toched any "private" area. it was a different kind of moan however... is wasn't the stimulation or anything... it was all in our heads and so much better and even more real than anything that is physically possible.
this was it... it was life. real life... what life is all about... a moment an epiphany... i could see it all so clearly and i felt so incredibly alive.
one moment when we looked into each others' eyes it wasn't just visual... i was entirely freaked out as well her when we for a moment shared the ability to somehow look behind our eyes seeing one another the way we actually are... no defense no fassade. it wasn't real i guess but it sure felt like we were looking into each others' souls... then we smiled closed our eyes and our lips found to one another once more...
i told here that i wished for this moment to last forever and she answered that she was defenseless and lost all control.
the way we eventually fell asleep is not only worth mentioning. it is rather the essence because it depicts how comfortable we were with each other... i never felt someone pushing their body so closly to mine without actually pushing at all... i for myself never held anyone so tightly without holding on to her any harder than usual... it was just the weirdest and most amazing thing to happen to me in all those 25 years of my life.
though i know that our love is not meant to be due to the circumstances... just what we felt and shared last night. it will last in my heart until the day that i close my eyes for all eternity. the memories of her eyes shall become a guide for me. and a strong hope and confidence that i lacked for so long.