ooc: i don't even freaking know
Seriously, what did I just finish? IDK. Anyway, it's everyone else's fault.
This is complete and utter crack. I abused a few characters but I promise, I love you all and only fun was meant! Enjoy!
Fives Times GODZILLA Hooked Up With the Kraken
1. Tino was used to the strangest people showing up in Caritas. It happened almost every night and, whether it was that idiotic (but grudgingly hot) bartender on Mondays or that woman from the hotel with the huge chest, Tino hated them all almost as much as he hated how cruelly Simon treated Paula on American Idol He'd just resigned himself to the hate so he could collect a paycheck and indulge in his Faberge egg collection.
So, when GODZILLA roared up to Caritas, slapping his tail around like a cold dead fish and looking like he'd just eaten some particularly bad tasting students, Tino did the smartest thing he could do. He dove behind the bar and tried to resist messing his pants. He was not a hero, he left that to the stupid students. Instead, he hid there while GODZILLA slammed around the bar (it was magically big enough for him, okay?) with a purpose. When something like...rhythmic roaring started happening, Tino couldn't help but peer over the bar to see what was going on.
GODZILLA was up on stage, backed up the zombies and singing. Or, roaring. He was doing something and it was enough for Tino to ignore his fear and stare. He was still staring when another creature arrived, all legs and tentacles and seemed enraptured by this singing. Tino...was going to forget what he saw after that.
2. When the Kraken was spurned after sleeping with Chuck Bass, GODZILLA was there to comfort him with his sharp claws, armor like scales and surprisingly soft touch. The Kraken was nearly inconsolable, crying about how he thought Chuck loved him, how he'd been so nice and so giving and so good and, when morning came, he'd been cruel and distant and mean.
GODZILLA was a good listener. People just tended to scream when he was around so he never got the chance to tell them he wasn't going to destroy them. He just wanted a home of his own. With the Kraken giving GODZILLA his trust, GODZILLA truly felt like he was being seen for who he was.
That didn't stop him from tracking down Chuck Bass and crushing him with one massive foot.
3. GODZILLA had a crush. He thought it'd go away after a few days but it didn't. After a few weeks, butterflies started appearing in his stomach every time he saw the object of his affection. His palms would sweat and he would stumble, massive tail swinging wildly and crushing a nearby building. GODZILLA was always apologetic, though. He just couldn't help it. He was in love.
The Kraken, though, was with another. And that blonde haired bitch of a telepath seemed to know that GODZILLA was after her man. She'd send him smirky glares in class and make sure GODZILLA was always around during their very public displays of affection. It made GODZILLA'S mighty heart weep. The Kraken didn't even know he was alive, let alone pining. He was overtaken by the tiny blonde telepath and there was nothing GODZILLA could do.
Well, except crush her. Which GODZILLA did. A few times. For good measure. Guess those telepath skills hadn't seen that coming, had they? Now, GODZILLA could be there for the Kraken in his grief. GODZILLA would bide his time. And GODZILLA would crush anyone else who tried to move in on the Kraken.
4. When GODZILLA woke up with the Kraken after one of the weird Fandom weekends, he was so embarrassed. This wasn't supposed to happen to someone like him. He was always the careful one, the one that people leaned on when they needed a shoulder and the person that they always hid behind during battles. He wasn't supposed to be naked as a jaybird in bed next to a nearly naked Kraken. GODZILLA was never going to be able to show his face around the island again. He was so scandalized, giving out his virtue like a two dollar whore in the bad part of town. He'd wanted it to be special and true and filled with rose petals and maybe some fire and people screaming for their lives in the background.
But, no.
GODZILLA was trying to sneak out when the Kraken woke up, disoriented and sleepy. GODZILLA tried to explain, apologized and nearly cried. When the Kraken explained that they hadn't done anything bad, that their clothes had just disappeared due to more island weirdness and that he would never take advantage of GODZILLA when they weren't in their right minds, GODZILLA melted a little. His virtue was intact and the Kraken was smiling at him softly.
GODZILLA didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky.
5. We're not even going to talk about how the sex pollen affected GODZILLA and the Kraken. You don't want to know and you don't want to see. Half the island was destroyed, Zack Fair lost the use of his retinas (poor thing, being in the room next door), the Force decided it didn't want to be with the Jedi and turned tail and RAN, and Karla decided that even magical cockrings couldn't top that.
When Sunshine the Giant Squid offered a threesome, Zoe ordered an immediate evacuation of the island. Everyone but Tino left. Poor Tino.
This is complete and utter crack. I abused a few characters but I promise, I love you all and only fun was meant! Enjoy!
Fives Times GODZILLA Hooked Up With the Kraken
1. Tino was used to the strangest people showing up in Caritas. It happened almost every night and, whether it was that idiotic (but grudgingly hot) bartender on Mondays or that woman from the hotel with the huge chest, Tino hated them all almost as much as he hated how cruelly Simon treated Paula on American Idol He'd just resigned himself to the hate so he could collect a paycheck and indulge in his Faberge egg collection.
So, when GODZILLA roared up to Caritas, slapping his tail around like a cold dead fish and looking like he'd just eaten some particularly bad tasting students, Tino did the smartest thing he could do. He dove behind the bar and tried to resist messing his pants. He was not a hero, he left that to the stupid students. Instead, he hid there while GODZILLA slammed around the bar (it was magically big enough for him, okay?) with a purpose. When something like...rhythmic roaring started happening, Tino couldn't help but peer over the bar to see what was going on.
GODZILLA was up on stage, backed up the zombies and singing. Or, roaring. He was doing something and it was enough for Tino to ignore his fear and stare. He was still staring when another creature arrived, all legs and tentacles and seemed enraptured by this singing. Tino...was going to forget what he saw after that.
2. When the Kraken was spurned after sleeping with Chuck Bass, GODZILLA was there to comfort him with his sharp claws, armor like scales and surprisingly soft touch. The Kraken was nearly inconsolable, crying about how he thought Chuck loved him, how he'd been so nice and so giving and so good and, when morning came, he'd been cruel and distant and mean.
GODZILLA was a good listener. People just tended to scream when he was around so he never got the chance to tell them he wasn't going to destroy them. He just wanted a home of his own. With the Kraken giving GODZILLA his trust, GODZILLA truly felt like he was being seen for who he was.
That didn't stop him from tracking down Chuck Bass and crushing him with one massive foot.
3. GODZILLA had a crush. He thought it'd go away after a few days but it didn't. After a few weeks, butterflies started appearing in his stomach every time he saw the object of his affection. His palms would sweat and he would stumble, massive tail swinging wildly and crushing a nearby building. GODZILLA was always apologetic, though. He just couldn't help it. He was in love.
The Kraken, though, was with another. And that blonde haired bitch of a telepath seemed to know that GODZILLA was after her man. She'd send him smirky glares in class and make sure GODZILLA was always around during their very public displays of affection. It made GODZILLA'S mighty heart weep. The Kraken didn't even know he was alive, let alone pining. He was overtaken by the tiny blonde telepath and there was nothing GODZILLA could do.
Well, except crush her. Which GODZILLA did. A few times. For good measure. Guess those telepath skills hadn't seen that coming, had they? Now, GODZILLA could be there for the Kraken in his grief. GODZILLA would bide his time. And GODZILLA would crush anyone else who tried to move in on the Kraken.
4. When GODZILLA woke up with the Kraken after one of the weird Fandom weekends, he was so embarrassed. This wasn't supposed to happen to someone like him. He was always the careful one, the one that people leaned on when they needed a shoulder and the person that they always hid behind during battles. He wasn't supposed to be naked as a jaybird in bed next to a nearly naked Kraken. GODZILLA was never going to be able to show his face around the island again. He was so scandalized, giving out his virtue like a two dollar whore in the bad part of town. He'd wanted it to be special and true and filled with rose petals and maybe some fire and people screaming for their lives in the background.
But, no.
GODZILLA was trying to sneak out when the Kraken woke up, disoriented and sleepy. GODZILLA tried to explain, apologized and nearly cried. When the Kraken explained that they hadn't done anything bad, that their clothes had just disappeared due to more island weirdness and that he would never take advantage of GODZILLA when they weren't in their right minds, GODZILLA melted a little. His virtue was intact and the Kraken was smiling at him softly.
GODZILLA didn't know how he'd gotten so lucky.
5. We're not even going to talk about how the sex pollen affected GODZILLA and the Kraken. You don't want to know and you don't want to see. Half the island was destroyed, Zack Fair lost the use of his retinas (poor thing, being in the room next door), the Force decided it didn't want to be with the Jedi and turned tail and RAN, and Karla decided that even magical cockrings couldn't top that.
When Sunshine the Giant Squid offered a threesome, Zoe ordered an immediate evacuation of the island. Everyone but Tino left. Poor Tino.