Some more cynical British jokes!
BBC News: "Amy Winehouse's blood toxicity report comes back clear" Same colour as vodka, Bacardi, tequilla, etc.
BBC News: "Amy Winehouse's blood toxicity report comes back clear" Strange I thought blood was meant to come back red
Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Meant to type "I reign as CEO of Apple". Damn you, autocorrect!
My wife said she's leaving me because I share everything about our relationship with strangers on the internet…
Just past my English exam…
What did Susan Boyle scream as she was being raped? "FINALLY!!"
I was devastated to hear the bad news about the earthquake in America. It hadn't killed anybody.
Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever.
Well I just received my GCSE results in the post. Thanks Royal Mail but I'm 51 now.
I went up to a rioter and said "you got a light mate"?, He said "No, they're all black like me"
What's the difference between Americans and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture.
Steve Jobs has resigned to spend his last months pursuing his dream of becoming a chef. The first thing he'll make is Apple Crumble.
"Gud luk 2 evry1 gettin ther resultz 2moro" Thank you - I can tell you your English result already if you want.
Just bought 'SAW - The Uncut version' Not quite the same when he walks out with both feet intact.
Women say that men have it easy because we never experience childbirth. How the fuck do they think we got here?
After 10 years of looking, I found my girlfriend's clitoris. Who would have thought it would be on her sister?
I don't like talking dirty during sex. I don't want my kids picking up bad language.
I don't think it's a coincidence that an anagram of "national rail timetables" is "all trains aim to be late in"
To a pessimist they are a teenage girl. To us optimists they are young women.
With all the technology available now, you'd think they'd have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Forgot to go to the gym yesterday, thats ten years in a row.
When I was growing up I used to suffer from unwanted erections. Mainly my dad's.
My son got a lip piercing behind my back today and I was furious. Ridiculous place for him to stand while I'm casting my fishing rod.
Whats the best thing about being Ginger? You know you weren't adopted.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess its safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.
http://vkontakte.ru/note1465662_11251103
BBC News: "Amy Winehouse's blood toxicity report comes back clear" Strange I thought blood was meant to come back red
Ugh, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
Meant to type "I reign as CEO of Apple". Damn you, autocorrect!
My wife said she's leaving me because I share everything about our relationship with strangers on the internet…
Just past my English exam…
What did Susan Boyle scream as she was being raped? "FINALLY!!"
I was devastated to hear the bad news about the earthquake in America. It hadn't killed anybody.
Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever.
Well I just received my GCSE results in the post. Thanks Royal Mail but I'm 51 now.
I went up to a rioter and said "you got a light mate"?, He said "No, they're all black like me"
What's the difference between Americans and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture.
Steve Jobs has resigned to spend his last months pursuing his dream of becoming a chef. The first thing he'll make is Apple Crumble.
"Gud luk 2 evry1 gettin ther resultz 2moro" Thank you - I can tell you your English result already if you want.
Just bought 'SAW - The Uncut version' Not quite the same when he walks out with both feet intact.
Women say that men have it easy because we never experience childbirth. How the fuck do they think we got here?
After 10 years of looking, I found my girlfriend's clitoris. Who would have thought it would be on her sister?
I don't like talking dirty during sex. I don't want my kids picking up bad language.
I don't think it's a coincidence that an anagram of "national rail timetables" is "all trains aim to be late in"
To a pessimist they are a teenage girl. To us optimists they are young women.
With all the technology available now, you'd think they'd have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Forgot to go to the gym yesterday, thats ten years in a row.
When I was growing up I used to suffer from unwanted erections. Mainly my dad's.
My son got a lip piercing behind my back today and I was furious. Ridiculous place for him to stand while I'm casting my fishing rod.
Whats the best thing about being Ginger? You know you weren't adopted.
Saw a chameleon today. So I guess its safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.
http://vkontakte.ru/note1465662_11251103