Немножко чёрного британского юморка..)
I had my dreams crushed yesterday.
It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for pedophile" wasn't a vacancy.
- Can I have a bloody steak?
- Sure! Would you like some fucking potatoes with it?
- Where are you going, sir?
- I'm going that side.
- Seaside?
- Why seaside?
- Every side is a seaside, fOcking island.
- Occupation?
- Nah, just visiting!
My daughter had sex education yesterday. I haven't noticed any improvement.
A German walks into a library and ask for a book on war. The librarian says "Fuck off you lost the last two"
Justin Bieber: the boy who will always be the wank his father should have had..
"Anal sex? Over my dead body" were my wife's last words.
I've had sex with over 100 women. I've had sex with a couple of under 100 women as well, but they just didn't have enough experience.
My room was like a sauna last night... full of naked men.
I just got a letter of confirmation from the Royal Mail saying that I will be working for them. I start 3 years ago.
(примечание: Royal Mail в Великобритании это как "Почта России" у нас.. медленная, бессмысленная..)
Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.
I got caught shagging my mates Mum the other day. He wont talk to me anymore. Apparantly I ruined her funeral.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- 9/11.
- 9/11 who?
- I thought you said you'd never forget.
I always try to pull feminists. That way I know they'll pay for half of the meal when we go to dinner.
"For Pete's sake, I'm getting sick and tired of you accusing me of cheating on you" said my wife.
"Who's Pete?" I replied.
http://vkontakte.ru/note1465662_11134650
It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for pedophile" wasn't a vacancy.
- Can I have a bloody steak?
- Sure! Would you like some fucking potatoes with it?
- Where are you going, sir?
- I'm going that side.
- Seaside?
- Why seaside?
- Every side is a seaside, fOcking island.
- Occupation?
- Nah, just visiting!
My daughter had sex education yesterday. I haven't noticed any improvement.
A German walks into a library and ask for a book on war. The librarian says "Fuck off you lost the last two"
Justin Bieber: the boy who will always be the wank his father should have had..
"Anal sex? Over my dead body" were my wife's last words.
I've had sex with over 100 women. I've had sex with a couple of under 100 women as well, but they just didn't have enough experience.
My room was like a sauna last night... full of naked men.
I just got a letter of confirmation from the Royal Mail saying that I will be working for them. I start 3 years ago.
(примечание: Royal Mail в Великобритании это как "Почта России" у нас.. медленная, бессмысленная..)
Convincing a dog that I really threw the ball is the closest I'll ever get to being a magician.
I got caught shagging my mates Mum the other day. He wont talk to me anymore. Apparantly I ruined her funeral.
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- 9/11.
- 9/11 who?
- I thought you said you'd never forget.
I always try to pull feminists. That way I know they'll pay for half of the meal when we go to dinner.
"For Pete's sake, I'm getting sick and tired of you accusing me of cheating on you" said my wife.
"Who's Pete?" I replied.
http://vkontakte.ru/note1465662_11134650