*FLIES??*
Deck was an ordinary d00d, spending his days shredding at the skate park and challenging anyone to prove his l33t skillz. However, one day he got cocky and was in a horrible accident when he crashed into the local penitentiary and was brutally raped. His butt needed to be surgically removed and replaced after the abuse it had been through. However a horrible mistake had been made, his replacement ass was three sizes too large! From that day forward he was BUTT-MAN, a new type of anti-hero that used his powers of anger only for his own gain.
He began by riding through the streets on his skateboard during the dead of night, pummeling local gangs not for good, but for fun. Soon he had earned a reputation, and was living the good life with the goods he had looted from the punks he so enjoyed to beat. Until one day on his television he saw it, a butt bigger than his own! It was Jennifer Lopez, also known as J-Lo. Butt-Man found himself filled with a jealous rage, and swore if he couldn't have the largest butt in the world, no one would.
As for the tampon thing I have no idea.