My uncle said you seemed like a nice kid, little did he know

[decievethenight]

In the past 48 hours I have:

Positives:
-Given my heart away
-Eaten some rice and a hamburger... thats it
-Had butterflies in my tummy
-Felt loved
-Got a birthday present from Boomer
-Played in the rain with Tommy and Justen
-Gotten a new skirt, shirts, and leg warmers
-Talked to Devin
-Recieved a ring from the boy I like...

Negatives
-Got my heart stomped on
-Thrown up twice
-made lots of people hate me
-cried
-been told I'm worthless
-Endured false accusations
-cried
-been in denial
-bled...

I'm sure most of you guys don't know whats going on. To those who do though. Im sorry. I know you guys hate me, I know who hates me and why.

I know you think that I give my heart/myself away too easy and you think I'm a whore. Its true. I don't need you to tell me that.

I am so disappointed in myself I can barely stand it.

I want to change, and I think that I need to for my own good, and so I don't have anyone hate me anymore.

I thought he was different you guys, I didn't know better. It really hurts, but it is my fault and I know that.

I make myself hurt. I give my heart away too easily. I just want to be in love, to have everything perfect... as I had once so very long ago.

Its not like its the most important thing in the world. I love the feeling.

Like I said, To those whom I've pissed off I'm sorry and I know you will still hate me after you read this. I am truly sorry. I'm not going to give myself away anymore.

It hurts too much

From now on my LJ is gonna be friends only.

Sincerely,

Ashley G.