It was all make-believe.
So we talked for hours
and you cried into my sheets
you said you hated your body
that it was just a piece of meat
I'm so terrified of being constricted and never being able to live to my full capacity. I'm also terrified of never understanding, and my entire existence being one extravagant exercise in futility. Of my life just amounting to some sort of blithe act of entertaining myself. Some kind of cruel trick, I guess. I just don't want to be useless and take up space that someone else deserves.
Lately I've just been burdened and I feel like every shard of my life that has been held together is loosening, and at some point I'll be overcome by the fragility and it'll just shatter. Sometimes, I want to make it shatter; before events outside of my control can.
But basically, I don't want to be Marie Antoinette.
P.S. Boston was fab. I would like to live there. And go to school of course.
Also, for this entry to make any sort of sense, it is imperative that you follow the links provided. I just felt like those sources articulate what I'm in the midst of so much more effectively than I ever could.
and you cried into my sheets
you said you hated your body
that it was just a piece of meat
I'm so terrified of being constricted and never being able to live to my full capacity. I'm also terrified of never understanding, and my entire existence being one extravagant exercise in futility. Of my life just amounting to some sort of blithe act of entertaining myself. Some kind of cruel trick, I guess. I just don't want to be useless and take up space that someone else deserves.
Lately I've just been burdened and I feel like every shard of my life that has been held together is loosening, and at some point I'll be overcome by the fragility and it'll just shatter. Sometimes, I want to make it shatter; before events outside of my control can.
But basically, I don't want to be Marie Antoinette.
P.S. Boston was fab. I would like to live there. And go to school of course.
Also, for this entry to make any sort of sense, it is imperative that you follow the links provided. I just felt like those sources articulate what I'm in the midst of so much more effectively than I ever could.