(no subject)
so things are really mixed up and jumbled right now. nothings going too well and it seems like time's slipping through my fingers. i can't seem to take hold of time and use it to my advantage. i feel like i'm just going through the motions and i can't remember the last time i actually felt happy inside. and i don't understand why i feel so miserable. cause when i look at myself in another view, my life doesn't seem that bad i mean yeah, my grades suck and my parents are too strict but other than that i shouldn't be complaining. but sometimes i just feel soo...inadequate for anything that i do. i slack off at everything and whenever i set myself up to do better i do nothing but procrastinate even more. what is wrong with me? when did all this laziness and procrastination kick in? i mean like a year ago i would never be skipping school and not finishing homework. when did i become so.. anti-samantha? i need some happy pills and something to give me a jump-start. cause i'm never gonna get anywhere at the rate i'm working at right now. my life feels on the verge of collapsing and i don't know what to do with myself. maybe i just need to dive into my work and not think about anything else. i've been soo emotional this year and my emotions are running haywire. i've been extremely, extremely moody. that one word can seriously fuck me up. and when you mess with my emotions, damn i get so pissed. like i'm PMSing or something. and i cry so damn easily. but it always feels good to cry, is that good? i think it is cause your emotions just get out. and all this writing and talking about it helps but i mean there's only so much you can talk about on here.. i'm so not good. but my front is, right? ahh i don't know all this thinking is making me even more crazy. ok i'm done. i feel beter.