(no subject)
ok i hope this doesn't come out wrong. but here goes. things haven't been the greatest, with ANYTHING at all. things are screwing up. and i can honestly say part of it was my fault. i know that.. and i'm willing to mend things but a part of me thinks.. what makes them think they can do that to me?..it's totally wrong and unfair. i know i can accept change. i'm pretty good with change actually, but.. why now.. i'm big enough of a person to admit that i did wrong. but i need to do something to get some closure or some kind of change or something.. i don't know. i'm really kind of lost right now; not knowing what to do kicks me in the ass. i need to figure something out before it gets way worse. on the outside it's always looked pretty and happy, but on the inside there's just so much there that is never mentioned or talked about. but we're both pretty aware that they exist. i said both but there are more people involved in this. it's a relief to know, though, that there are people i can ALWAYS count on. drifting happens and i'm the best witness to attest to that because it's happened to me a couple of times before. the first, for unstoppable reasons and the second simply because we were growing apart. and now? what's the cause of this.. lack of communication or pure ignorance of the underlying tension? ignorance really is bliss. it's so much easier to bury things underneath and put a happy face on top of everything rather than facing it and talking through it. that's probably one of the biggest mistakes i've made in this. because it allowed me to just build up all the tension and anytime now, it's gonna explode. i feel it. i'm sorry guys. i'm willing to admit that i did wrong. and if you're willing to talk, i'm here, ready to listen and reciprocate. ready to explain myself, to apologize, to bring things back to the bliss but without the underlying ignorance.