Nomad
When we were teenagers, my friend Natascha and I came up with the theory that humans had a gene that disposed them towards either being nomads or settlers. We theorised that both were beneficial from an evolutionary point of view as long as they balanced each other out: the settler would establish settlements and assure continued growth of the species, while the nomad would go out into the world and guarantee spread, as well as make new discoveries. I was clearly a settler, always cautious and conservative, while she was a natural nomad, bouncy and born to adventure.
It was highly ironic of course that I ended up spending the next decade gallivanting around Europe to meet friends in different countries and finding foreign lovers, while she remained in Austria and stayed in a relationship with a guy she had met at a random party for nearly ten years.
Despite of the evidence to the contrary, I've never been able to stop thinking of myself as a settler. I look around me and society constantly tells us to strive for greatness, uniqueness, that we can and should all be amazing and all over the place. But I have never bought into this, and always just want to get on with it. I'm content to be unremarkable. Settling for mediocrity - the horror.
And yet it seems that every couple of years, whenever I get too content or lazy, something stirs in me and demands excitement and change. Now! I imagine that a mid-life crisis must be a little bit like this, only that I seem to have one every couple of years. It's not pleasant, and I wonder if it isn't driven by some deeper biological urges. I mean, if my body wants me to procreate and I haven't made any progress towards that goal while staying with the same man for several years, surely it's time to hunt down another sperm donor! That's the kind of inner monologue I imagine my ovaries to be having anyway.
In reality of course, I'm happy with Graham and want to keep him. I'm not a believer in "One-itis", but I find it difficult to imagine the existence of another man who'd get me just as well as he does. If anything I'd like to take our relationship to the next level, but even though we've talked about it, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon. He evades, I don't want to push too hard, and so we get nowhere. Doesn't help that the present state is pretty comfortable as it is.
What else could I do to spice up my life? Work on my career? Unfortunately the application to Thames Water didn't lead to anything, not counting an empathic comment about how they were absolutely swamped with CVs from uber-qualified people. I'm not a hugely ambitious person even on the best of days, but trying to move up in the world during a time when the economy is in the crapper doesn't help. While sorting job adverts during my volunteering as of late, I've noticed that even the toilet-cleaning jobs are starting to require all kinds of prerequisites now. It's a bit ridiculous, but why not do it if you can afford to be picky? It just sucks when you yourself aren't such a great catch on the job market.
I've also been itching to do some travelling again: revisit the plains of the Netherlands, go see the fjords of Norway perhaps... but then I think of the money and how I need to save for more important things and the dreams go poof. Maybe it's time for a simpler kind of lifestyle change - I'd still love to learn how to dance one day, and it would burn some of those excess calories... but I don't know. How much of a change would that really be? Enough to treat the symptoms of my restless discontent?
Damn nomads and their genes.
It was highly ironic of course that I ended up spending the next decade gallivanting around Europe to meet friends in different countries and finding foreign lovers, while she remained in Austria and stayed in a relationship with a guy she had met at a random party for nearly ten years.
Despite of the evidence to the contrary, I've never been able to stop thinking of myself as a settler. I look around me and society constantly tells us to strive for greatness, uniqueness, that we can and should all be amazing and all over the place. But I have never bought into this, and always just want to get on with it. I'm content to be unremarkable. Settling for mediocrity - the horror.
And yet it seems that every couple of years, whenever I get too content or lazy, something stirs in me and demands excitement and change. Now! I imagine that a mid-life crisis must be a little bit like this, only that I seem to have one every couple of years. It's not pleasant, and I wonder if it isn't driven by some deeper biological urges. I mean, if my body wants me to procreate and I haven't made any progress towards that goal while staying with the same man for several years, surely it's time to hunt down another sperm donor! That's the kind of inner monologue I imagine my ovaries to be having anyway.
In reality of course, I'm happy with Graham and want to keep him. I'm not a believer in "One-itis", but I find it difficult to imagine the existence of another man who'd get me just as well as he does. If anything I'd like to take our relationship to the next level, but even though we've talked about it, it doesn't seem to be going anywhere any time soon. He evades, I don't want to push too hard, and so we get nowhere. Doesn't help that the present state is pretty comfortable as it is.
What else could I do to spice up my life? Work on my career? Unfortunately the application to Thames Water didn't lead to anything, not counting an empathic comment about how they were absolutely swamped with CVs from uber-qualified people. I'm not a hugely ambitious person even on the best of days, but trying to move up in the world during a time when the economy is in the crapper doesn't help. While sorting job adverts during my volunteering as of late, I've noticed that even the toilet-cleaning jobs are starting to require all kinds of prerequisites now. It's a bit ridiculous, but why not do it if you can afford to be picky? It just sucks when you yourself aren't such a great catch on the job market.
I've also been itching to do some travelling again: revisit the plains of the Netherlands, go see the fjords of Norway perhaps... but then I think of the money and how I need to save for more important things and the dreams go poof. Maybe it's time for a simpler kind of lifestyle change - I'd still love to learn how to dance one day, and it would burn some of those excess calories... but I don't know. How much of a change would that really be? Enough to treat the symptoms of my restless discontent?
Damn nomads and their genes.