[022.] Distraction and Pain
Title: Distraction and Pain
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [022.] Family
Word Count: 2,043
Rating: R (I swear a lot)
Summary: Anyone would have been distracted in the situation. Cloud thinks Leon is out of line; Leon thinks Cloud is a brat. That’s what family is all about, isn’t it?
Disclaimer: I don’t know how to break this all to you, but I made this up. Seriously. The entire story thus far I just made up. It’s all make-believe. I don’t own Kingdom Hearts. I’m not affiliated with Disney or Square Enix. I took these characters because I liked them, put them together because they’re hot, and made up a story about them. I’m just a fan writing fiction, and thus I dub this fanfiction, which will from here on out mean exactly what it implies. Just a fan writing fiction. Wait-doesn’t that term already exist?
Author’s Note: That was such an asinine disclaimer.
The Real Author’s Note: This was a little brat for me to write, much like Cloud in this segment. He’s all messed up right now, and as much as I rather enjoy it, Cloud does his best to elude me. Ah, well. I have a lot of time over the next few days to write so expect lots more soon.
Sephiroth had a way about him that made someone believe darkness was the only way. Later in the evening, sitting in the hotel room one last time before departure to Hollow Bastion, Cloud surmised it must be because Sephiroth was made of darkness. More specifically, Sephiroth was made of Cloud’s darkness. Cloud knew this, of course, and it was enough to explain the situation at hand. The only problem lay in Cloud’s inability to remember that when faced with Sephiroth.
He hated Sephiroth. It was as simple as hatred could be-all consuming, blinding, and powerful. The name left a foul taste in his mouth. He lost all reasonable, coherent thought when they battled. Cloud was lucky if he made sense when he spoke of Sephiroth, because there weren’t many people who understood what deep, pure hatred really felt like.
Fighting Sephiroth was always, as Tifa once put it, impressive yet uneventful. The crowd of Olympus Coliseum agreed with the statement as they cheered, shrieked, and covered their eyes through battle. When it was over, they left the stands with unreadable expressions on their faces. There were no long chats or gatherings outside the arena about the match. Even to Cloud it was anticlimactic.
Fights with Sephiroth contained a lot of parrying as they flew across the arena. Sephiroth attacked; Cloud blocked, took a step back, and launched an attack of his own. Sephiroth disappeared and reappeared across the arena. Cloud assessed the situation, flew across to him, and attacked. Sephiroth blocked, attempted the Descend Heartless Angel attack, which Cloud was sure to stop before it had a chance to manifest. Things continued this way, the patterns varying, but it was all the same. Sephiroth attacked; Cloud blocked. Cloud attacked; Sephiroth blocked. The most impressive part was that they moved around a lot.
After fifteen minutes of this, Cloud realized he failed to exploit any of his abilities. He mapped out strategies before fighting Sephiroth, but they never stuck. As usual, the hatred lost Cloud all reasonable thought, and he ran in swinging. When he did remember to exploit something, it was never light he remembered to use. He was more skilled in darkness, used it more often, and Sephiroth had a way of making someone think darkness was the only way.
The other competitors never got the chance to fight Sephiroth. Cloud killed him twenty-three minutes into the match.
“That takes care of that,” said Yuffie, as they walked back to the hotel.
“He’ll be back,” said Cloud.
Aerith and Leon shook their heads. Yuffie frowned. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
~*~
“What happened?” said Leon.
Cloud tore his eyes away from Thebes. After the match, he sat on the balcony and was here ever since. Aerith peeked out once to say they were returning to Hollow Bastion the following day, but no one disturbed him since. Leon was starting to get on his nerves.
“I used the darkness,” said Cloud.
“I thought you were past that.”
Leon sat next to Cloud.
“I guess not.”
“What happened?”
Cloud shrugged.
“Is this about Riku?” Leon turned his head toward Cloud. “It is, isn’t it?”
Cloud sighed and stretched his arms over his head. He let his hands fall into his lap.
“I wasn’t thinking. I used the darkness. Sephiroth is dead, but he’ll be back. It’s only a matter of time.”
“You didn’t think.”
“I never think when I fight Sephiroth.”
“You were distracted.”
“I have a lot going on right now.”
“Riku wouldn’t have wanted-”
“Riku isn’t dead. Don’t talk about him like he is.”
“You should have focused.”
“Next time.”
“You said that last time.”
Cloud shrugged.
“It was too soon. Sephiroth took advantage of that.”
“He showed up before Riku lost his heart. You were distracted.”
“I messed up. I’ll get him. I’m not giving up.”
“Good. If you did, Riku may as well be dead. You can’t do both, Cloud.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“You can’t be in the relationship you want and still chase around Sephiroth. You need to finish it.”
“I will.”
“You could have today.”
“There’s still too much darkness in me.”
Leon shook his head.
“No, there isn’t. Sephiroth is empowered when you use the darkness against him. It’s what lets him come back. There’s light in you, Cloud.”
“Leon . . .”
“Shut up and listen. You know there’s light in you. You told me so not that long ago. Riku made you feel it, but now he’s gone and you let yourself get distracted. You can’t do that. The darkness didn’t make him stronger, and it doesn’t make you stronger, either. All it does is allow Sephiroth to return. You have to isolate the light in you and use that against him instead.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“No. You want to feel bad for yourself, and if that’s all you’re going to do, I’m not going to comfort you. You messed up. There isn’t always going to be a next time, you know. When the next time does come, you better make sure it’s the last one.”
Cloud glared. Leon shrugged.
“It’s up to you, Cloud, but we aren’t going to all stand by while you waste your life away.”
“You’re acting like a real asshole, you know that?”
“So are you.”
“Fuck you.”
Leon stood up and walked toward the door.
“I don’t care what you do, Cloud. Sit out here all night and wallow in your own misery. I don’t care, but someone has to tell you truth. You’re acting like a brat. Get your act together. You could have finished it this time, but you messed up. Do it next time. Don’t just try; do it. I know you can.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Suit yourself.”
Leon disappeared into the hotel room.
~*~
“Are you coming today?”
Cloud opened his eyes and stared into Aerith’s. She was almost nose to nose with him, peering, and Cloud didn’t want to deal with this right now. Thirty seconds ago, he was warm, asleep, and didn’t have to think about or face reality. In such a haven where nothing was as horrible as things outside of it, Cloud escaped his failure, his loss, and the thoughts of Riku that never left him. The last thing he wanted to face when pulled from the fantasy was inquisitive eyes. Cloud groaned.
“Wha-?”
“Are you coming today?” said Aerith. “Yuffie, Leon, and I are going to Hollow Bastion to start making plans for a restoration. They’re both already down at our Gummi ship. I wanted to know if you were coming today.”
“I have my own Gummi ship.”
“I know, but I wondered if you still planned on returning today. I didn’t know if you’d want to after . . .”
“After failing against Sephiroth?”
“Hmmm . . .” said Aerith. “No. After whatever happened with your boyfriend.” Cloud looked to her, frowning. “Leon told me.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That you were off yesterday because you just found out some disturbing news about your boyfriend. That you couldn’t concentrate.”
“Leon had suddenly found an interest in talking.”
“Talking to you that is. Leon still doesn’t say much to anyone else.”
“I wish he’d stop.”
“I’m glad. He’s more like the old Leon.”
“More like Squall, you mean.”
Aerith nodded.
“I’m glad that you two are talking more. He’s really happy about this chance to rebuild Hollow Bastion. You know how he feels about what happened there . . .”
“That’s stupid, though. It wasn’t his fault.”
“No. It wasn’t. But he feels responsible. He used to be . . . well, Leon was never very talkative, but he was warmer. Kinder. Unless the two of you were together, because then he talked a lot. You did, too. You used to be so close, and over the years I’ve seen you drift apart. I think he’s warming up a little, though, ever since you opened up to him about your boyfriend. I think it makes him feel like he still has a family in you-that he hasn’t lost everything.”
“If it makes him so happy, he should stop acting like such an asshole. You should have heard him yesterday.”
“He understands what happened. I know he may seem callous, but . . . think of it as a Leon way of telling you things will get better.”
“He should just say that.
“He doesn’t want to see you beat yourself up over what happened with Sephiroth. He said you’re really in love with your boyfriend, and that things went very badly for him. Anyone in your position would have been distracted. For you, it just happened at the worst time.”
Cloud nodded and turned away.
“I understand that you don’t want to talk about it just yet,” said Aerith. “When you do, though, I’m here, too.”
~*~
Aerith had a way about her that made Cloud think she read his thoughts. She always had words of wisdom and advice to bestow. It was never much, but always what he needed to hear.
For so long he avoided thinking of Aerith, Yuffie, Tifa, Cid, and Leon as a family. Families were bound together because they had to be, but friends, Cloud realized, didn’t articulate what they meant to him. From what Aerith placed in his head, it didn’t articulate what he meant to them, either. Maybe a family-a true family that loved each other no matter what-was exactly what they’d become.
It felt like closing a chapter to a happier time in his life when Cloud handed over the key to the hotel room. He boarded the Gummi ship and set it on autopilot for Hollow Bastion. His thoughts drifted to the empty chair beside him and the vacated room back in Thebes. One day he would tell Aerith everything there was to tell about Riku, but whether that day was sooner or later, Cloud wasn’t sure. All he knew was that when he did tell her, she would say exactly what he needed to hear.
Cloud sat back in his chair and sighed. He would get Sephiroth next time. Next time, it would be the last time. Leon was right: Cloud knew there was some light left in him, and he couldn’t just sit around and feel bad about everything that happened. For now, he would return to Hollow Bastion, and help in the repairs. Sephiroth would fall into place when it should. As for Riku, Cloud didn’t know what to do. Riku wouldn’t want him to sit around and mourn. Instead, he’d keep busy, keep Riku in his prayers, and believe. Faith was all he could spare.
When he landed in Hollow Bastion, his heart tightened. The streets he walked to the castle once reminded him of his youth with the friend he now called family. Now they reminded him of Riku. If that hadn’t been bad enough, the castle itself was torture. This was where, Cloud thought, Riku was the last time he called-the last time he had a heart, a voice, a body, and the ability to convey his emotions. Cloud felt his stomach churn.
He found Aerith, Yuffie, Cid, and Leon in the library. Aerith peered at him before breaking into a smile.
“You came,” she said.
Cloud looked to the ground. This was where Riku was when he lost his heart, here in this castle, alone, having lost his best friend for good. It was only a little over a week, Cloud thought, that Riku walked these halls, stood in these rooms, and Cloud hadn’t been here for him. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.
Cloud’s head snapped up as a soft hand rested on his shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay,” said Leon. “He’s going to be okay.”
“I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Do you want to go down to the river?”
Cloud shook his head. He tried to focus on breathing. The river, this castle, the roads-Riku permeated throughout Hollow Bastion with no escape.
“Let’s just start fixing this place up, huh?” said Cloud.
Leon nodded.
( Prompt Table) for previous installments. 022/100 Completed.
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Claim: Cloud/Riku
Theme: [022.] Family
Word Count: 2,043
Rating: R (I swear a lot)
Summary: Anyone would have been distracted in the situation. Cloud thinks Leon is out of line; Leon thinks Cloud is a brat. That’s what family is all about, isn’t it?
Disclaimer: I don’t know how to break this all to you, but I made this up. Seriously. The entire story thus far I just made up. It’s all make-believe. I don’t own Kingdom Hearts. I’m not affiliated with Disney or Square Enix. I took these characters because I liked them, put them together because they’re hot, and made up a story about them. I’m just a fan writing fiction, and thus I dub this fanfiction, which will from here on out mean exactly what it implies. Just a fan writing fiction. Wait-doesn’t that term already exist?
Author’s Note: That was such an asinine disclaimer.
The Real Author’s Note: This was a little brat for me to write, much like Cloud in this segment. He’s all messed up right now, and as much as I rather enjoy it, Cloud does his best to elude me. Ah, well. I have a lot of time over the next few days to write so expect lots more soon.
Sephiroth had a way about him that made someone believe darkness was the only way. Later in the evening, sitting in the hotel room one last time before departure to Hollow Bastion, Cloud surmised it must be because Sephiroth was made of darkness. More specifically, Sephiroth was made of Cloud’s darkness. Cloud knew this, of course, and it was enough to explain the situation at hand. The only problem lay in Cloud’s inability to remember that when faced with Sephiroth.
He hated Sephiroth. It was as simple as hatred could be-all consuming, blinding, and powerful. The name left a foul taste in his mouth. He lost all reasonable, coherent thought when they battled. Cloud was lucky if he made sense when he spoke of Sephiroth, because there weren’t many people who understood what deep, pure hatred really felt like.
Fighting Sephiroth was always, as Tifa once put it, impressive yet uneventful. The crowd of Olympus Coliseum agreed with the statement as they cheered, shrieked, and covered their eyes through battle. When it was over, they left the stands with unreadable expressions on their faces. There were no long chats or gatherings outside the arena about the match. Even to Cloud it was anticlimactic.
Fights with Sephiroth contained a lot of parrying as they flew across the arena. Sephiroth attacked; Cloud blocked, took a step back, and launched an attack of his own. Sephiroth disappeared and reappeared across the arena. Cloud assessed the situation, flew across to him, and attacked. Sephiroth blocked, attempted the Descend Heartless Angel attack, which Cloud was sure to stop before it had a chance to manifest. Things continued this way, the patterns varying, but it was all the same. Sephiroth attacked; Cloud blocked. Cloud attacked; Sephiroth blocked. The most impressive part was that they moved around a lot.
After fifteen minutes of this, Cloud realized he failed to exploit any of his abilities. He mapped out strategies before fighting Sephiroth, but they never stuck. As usual, the hatred lost Cloud all reasonable thought, and he ran in swinging. When he did remember to exploit something, it was never light he remembered to use. He was more skilled in darkness, used it more often, and Sephiroth had a way of making someone think darkness was the only way.
The other competitors never got the chance to fight Sephiroth. Cloud killed him twenty-three minutes into the match.
“That takes care of that,” said Yuffie, as they walked back to the hotel.
“He’ll be back,” said Cloud.
Aerith and Leon shook their heads. Yuffie frowned. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
~*~
“What happened?” said Leon.
Cloud tore his eyes away from Thebes. After the match, he sat on the balcony and was here ever since. Aerith peeked out once to say they were returning to Hollow Bastion the following day, but no one disturbed him since. Leon was starting to get on his nerves.
“I used the darkness,” said Cloud.
“I thought you were past that.”
Leon sat next to Cloud.
“I guess not.”
“What happened?”
Cloud shrugged.
“Is this about Riku?” Leon turned his head toward Cloud. “It is, isn’t it?”
Cloud sighed and stretched his arms over his head. He let his hands fall into his lap.
“I wasn’t thinking. I used the darkness. Sephiroth is dead, but he’ll be back. It’s only a matter of time.”
“You didn’t think.”
“I never think when I fight Sephiroth.”
“You were distracted.”
“I have a lot going on right now.”
“Riku wouldn’t have wanted-”
“Riku isn’t dead. Don’t talk about him like he is.”
“You should have focused.”
“Next time.”
“You said that last time.”
Cloud shrugged.
“It was too soon. Sephiroth took advantage of that.”
“He showed up before Riku lost his heart. You were distracted.”
“I messed up. I’ll get him. I’m not giving up.”
“Good. If you did, Riku may as well be dead. You can’t do both, Cloud.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“You can’t be in the relationship you want and still chase around Sephiroth. You need to finish it.”
“I will.”
“You could have today.”
“There’s still too much darkness in me.”
Leon shook his head.
“No, there isn’t. Sephiroth is empowered when you use the darkness against him. It’s what lets him come back. There’s light in you, Cloud.”
“Leon . . .”
“Shut up and listen. You know there’s light in you. You told me so not that long ago. Riku made you feel it, but now he’s gone and you let yourself get distracted. You can’t do that. The darkness didn’t make him stronger, and it doesn’t make you stronger, either. All it does is allow Sephiroth to return. You have to isolate the light in you and use that against him instead.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“No. You want to feel bad for yourself, and if that’s all you’re going to do, I’m not going to comfort you. You messed up. There isn’t always going to be a next time, you know. When the next time does come, you better make sure it’s the last one.”
Cloud glared. Leon shrugged.
“It’s up to you, Cloud, but we aren’t going to all stand by while you waste your life away.”
“You’re acting like a real asshole, you know that?”
“So are you.”
“Fuck you.”
Leon stood up and walked toward the door.
“I don’t care what you do, Cloud. Sit out here all night and wallow in your own misery. I don’t care, but someone has to tell you truth. You’re acting like a brat. Get your act together. You could have finished it this time, but you messed up. Do it next time. Don’t just try; do it. I know you can.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Suit yourself.”
Leon disappeared into the hotel room.
~*~
“Are you coming today?”
Cloud opened his eyes and stared into Aerith’s. She was almost nose to nose with him, peering, and Cloud didn’t want to deal with this right now. Thirty seconds ago, he was warm, asleep, and didn’t have to think about or face reality. In such a haven where nothing was as horrible as things outside of it, Cloud escaped his failure, his loss, and the thoughts of Riku that never left him. The last thing he wanted to face when pulled from the fantasy was inquisitive eyes. Cloud groaned.
“Wha-?”
“Are you coming today?” said Aerith. “Yuffie, Leon, and I are going to Hollow Bastion to start making plans for a restoration. They’re both already down at our Gummi ship. I wanted to know if you were coming today.”
“I have my own Gummi ship.”
“I know, but I wondered if you still planned on returning today. I didn’t know if you’d want to after . . .”
“After failing against Sephiroth?”
“Hmmm . . .” said Aerith. “No. After whatever happened with your boyfriend.” Cloud looked to her, frowning. “Leon told me.”
“What did he tell you?”
“That you were off yesterday because you just found out some disturbing news about your boyfriend. That you couldn’t concentrate.”
“Leon had suddenly found an interest in talking.”
“Talking to you that is. Leon still doesn’t say much to anyone else.”
“I wish he’d stop.”
“I’m glad. He’s more like the old Leon.”
“More like Squall, you mean.”
Aerith nodded.
“I’m glad that you two are talking more. He’s really happy about this chance to rebuild Hollow Bastion. You know how he feels about what happened there . . .”
“That’s stupid, though. It wasn’t his fault.”
“No. It wasn’t. But he feels responsible. He used to be . . . well, Leon was never very talkative, but he was warmer. Kinder. Unless the two of you were together, because then he talked a lot. You did, too. You used to be so close, and over the years I’ve seen you drift apart. I think he’s warming up a little, though, ever since you opened up to him about your boyfriend. I think it makes him feel like he still has a family in you-that he hasn’t lost everything.”
“If it makes him so happy, he should stop acting like such an asshole. You should have heard him yesterday.”
“He understands what happened. I know he may seem callous, but . . . think of it as a Leon way of telling you things will get better.”
“He should just say that.
“He doesn’t want to see you beat yourself up over what happened with Sephiroth. He said you’re really in love with your boyfriend, and that things went very badly for him. Anyone in your position would have been distracted. For you, it just happened at the worst time.”
Cloud nodded and turned away.
“I understand that you don’t want to talk about it just yet,” said Aerith. “When you do, though, I’m here, too.”
~*~
Aerith had a way about her that made Cloud think she read his thoughts. She always had words of wisdom and advice to bestow. It was never much, but always what he needed to hear.
For so long he avoided thinking of Aerith, Yuffie, Tifa, Cid, and Leon as a family. Families were bound together because they had to be, but friends, Cloud realized, didn’t articulate what they meant to him. From what Aerith placed in his head, it didn’t articulate what he meant to them, either. Maybe a family-a true family that loved each other no matter what-was exactly what they’d become.
It felt like closing a chapter to a happier time in his life when Cloud handed over the key to the hotel room. He boarded the Gummi ship and set it on autopilot for Hollow Bastion. His thoughts drifted to the empty chair beside him and the vacated room back in Thebes. One day he would tell Aerith everything there was to tell about Riku, but whether that day was sooner or later, Cloud wasn’t sure. All he knew was that when he did tell her, she would say exactly what he needed to hear.
Cloud sat back in his chair and sighed. He would get Sephiroth next time. Next time, it would be the last time. Leon was right: Cloud knew there was some light left in him, and he couldn’t just sit around and feel bad about everything that happened. For now, he would return to Hollow Bastion, and help in the repairs. Sephiroth would fall into place when it should. As for Riku, Cloud didn’t know what to do. Riku wouldn’t want him to sit around and mourn. Instead, he’d keep busy, keep Riku in his prayers, and believe. Faith was all he could spare.
When he landed in Hollow Bastion, his heart tightened. The streets he walked to the castle once reminded him of his youth with the friend he now called family. Now they reminded him of Riku. If that hadn’t been bad enough, the castle itself was torture. This was where, Cloud thought, Riku was the last time he called-the last time he had a heart, a voice, a body, and the ability to convey his emotions. Cloud felt his stomach churn.
He found Aerith, Yuffie, Cid, and Leon in the library. Aerith peered at him before breaking into a smile.
“You came,” she said.
Cloud looked to the ground. This was where Riku was when he lost his heart, here in this castle, alone, having lost his best friend for good. It was only a little over a week, Cloud thought, that Riku walked these halls, stood in these rooms, and Cloud hadn’t been here for him. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath.
Cloud’s head snapped up as a soft hand rested on his shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay,” said Leon. “He’s going to be okay.”
“I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Do you want to go down to the river?”
Cloud shook his head. He tried to focus on breathing. The river, this castle, the roads-Riku permeated throughout Hollow Bastion with no escape.
“Let’s just start fixing this place up, huh?” said Cloud.
Leon nodded.
( Prompt Table) for previous installments. 022/100 Completed.