FIC: Parallel
Title: Parallel
Author: Page of Cups
Pairing: Cloud/Riku
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: K+ or PG
Theme: 16. invincible; unrivaled
Disclaimer: I so don’t own Kingdom Hearts it isn’t even funny. Sometimes I do in my hallucinations, but I have problems, so that doesn’t count.
Author’s Note: You know those stories that pop into your head while you’re trying to fall asleep and harass/assault you until you get back out of bed and write it because it’s sounding too damn good/won’t leave you alone? Yeah. This is one of those stories.
It’s a Thursday afternoon. Though the sky is mostly clear and the sun is still fairly high in the sky, the lighting is dim and musty as I’ve noticed it often is around this place. The air is acrid on my tongue and carries a pungent odor that no one but me seems to notice, but even those things don’t register to me right now. All I’ve been able to focus on since ascending this hill is Cloud. He’s crouched near the ground, arms wrapped around his chest. First Tsurugi is back on Fenrir, parked at a distance away from both of us. Before Cloud, planted in the ground as a form of memorial, is his old Buster Sword. I knew before he started speaking why he brought me here.
At first I was offended. I was apprehensive from the start when he first mentioned taking a trip to Gaea. Not only is it a world I know he hates for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also the place that’s a part of his life where I know I will never fit. Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene have never been anything but casual acquaintances to me that I’ve met on occasion for short periods of time, and I’ve never really bonded with any of them. Reno, Rude, Barrett, Reeve, and Vincent were names I only ever heard in passing or when Cloud finally managed to muster enough nerve to tell me anything about his life here. I never had faces to put to any of their names. Sephiroth was one of the few parts of his life on Gaea that really carried over into his life with me, and he was such an elusive entity-just a name to me for such a long time-that he never felt like a real threat, or perhaps I was too wrapped up in my own troubles. The other part was Zack, and even though he was dead and gone from this world, I could never shake wondering if I was second best. The last thing I ever wanted to do was go to an entire world full of people who knew Zack, remembered him, would be able to tell just by looking at us if Zack was still first in his heart while I stood foolishly beside him. Other than Cloud’s word, the only other indication I ever had was from Tifa, Cloud’s only friend I knew who had seen first-hand his mental state after Zack died, and she had clearly never taken a real liking to me. My hopes weren’t high, and now here we were, in front of Zack’s memorial, at the spot where he died, and Cloud was sobbing uncontrollably.
I knew why he brought me here. Though I heard bits and pieces of the story, Zack’s death was always glossed over. I never pressed the issue; I didn’t really want to know. In my head Zack and Cloud were this power couple, untouchable except by the twist of fate that took Zack’s life. They were destined, perfect, unbreakable. It wasn’t something I wanted to hear about, and when Cloud first crouched before the Buster Sword and started speaking, I didn’t really listen. It was all I could do to remain silent and not cry while he told the story.
He started somewhere in the middle or before the beginning; it really depends on how you divide the story that was Cloud’s life. Cloud chose to start this portion all the way back before he made it into Soldier, when he still a guard and Zack was fast on his way to achieving first-class rank. Most importantly, it was the time in Cloud’s life when he first let the darkness into his heart, fueled by jealousy and rage. He talked about Zack more than ever before. About how sometimes he hated him, resented him. About how sometimes he just wished Zack didn’t exist. How he often felt he could never measure up. How sometimes he hated when Zack kissed him or how he’d do everything he could think of to avoid sex, and if that didn’t work, how sometimes he’d hate Zack through the whole thing and just wait for it to be over. Cloud called it the lowest point in his life up until that point. That was when he started sobbing.
My interest was perked at this point. This was a whole new side of Zack and Cloud I have never heard about before-could never imagine existing. Cloud tried to furiously wipe at his cheeks, but the tears were too great in number for him to keep up. He continued. Told me the parts I already knew. Nibelheim. Sephiroth stealing Jenova’s head. Held hostage in the Shinra Manor basement, and then completely ridden with Mako poisoning, Zack lugged Cloud halfway across Gaea only to be shot down just outside of Midgar. At the very spot we were standing.
“I couldn’t do anything,” said Cloud. “I don’t even remember it all that well. My mind was so messed up from the Mako poisoning and the darkness. I didn’t remember anything for ages until I got Mako poisoning again. It was raining. I remember that. And I can remember crawling through the mud to get to him.” Cloud’s breath hitched as the entire scene started to unfold in my mind. “I don’t remember if I cried. I don’t remember if he spoke to me. I’m sure he must have; he was still alive when I got to him. He gave me the Buster Sword, but it’s all such a muddled mess still...I’m not ever sure what really happened.”
“He had this cocky little smirk,” said Cloud, half-laughing but still crying. “It used to drive me crazy. I was so paranoid. Always thought he was laughing at me. And I loved him so much, but I hated him sometimes, and that’s...that’s always been the hardest part to come to terms with. Because sometimes...” Cloud choked on his tears again and stared blankly ahead. His eyes were directed to the Buster Sword, but I was sure he wasn’t really seeing it. “Sometimes...when he was still alive...I wished...”
He didn’t finish, but it hung in the air, unspoken, both of us knowing what he sometimes wished, and it finally occurred to me the real reason he brought me here. It wasn’t to ease my fears. It wasn’t even really to tell me the entire story; it honestly wasn’t a story I ever needed to hear-not for us, but for him...
I knew Cloud wasn’t perfect. How couldn’t have I, when right from the beginning the only reason I met him was thanks to our mutual muddling through the darkness? For some reason, however-maybe because my journey through darkness was only beginning while his was coming to an end-I always thought he was invincible. Anything could happen to him-anything-and he’d just keep going. He always said I gave him hope and helped him find his light, but I don’t think he could ever truly understand how much he did for me. I couldn’t ever give up, couldn’t stop fighting, because Cloud never did.
I had heard about the low points in Cloud’s life. I knew about Shinra, Zack, Sephiroth. Cloud had told me about how he lost his mind. How he forgot Zack ever existed and the twisted state of his mind and memory for months after Zack died, but all I could ever understand was the end result. Cloud was together, collected, hard on himself sometimes, but he always pulled through in the end. Cloud was just that dependable friend and lover I could count on no matter what happened. Ultimately, to me, it was always Cloud who was untouchable, no matter how many times Sephiroth came back or whatever else might have happened. While I walked the road to twilight, he walked the road to dawn. I never truly understood how dark his darkest moments must have been-that our journeys really were no different save for that mine was shorter lived. Perhaps easier. It was at the moment I realized how lucky I really was to have gone through it all and come out relatively unscathed.
Cloud had always been understanding with me, and now I truly understood why. His beginning had been just as full of jealousy and anger as mine had been. He had hated Zack like I had hated Sora, resented his very being, but while I had him to talk me through it, he had no one but the one person he didn’t want to hear any of it from-a person who just couldn’t understand. This scene before me, Cloud weeping before his personal memorial to Zack, was no different than that time he found me in tears in the chapel at the castle in Radiant Garden. And just as I had poured it all out to him about what it was really like to be imprisoned in my own body, to see it all happen, watch Sora impale himself with that dark Keyblade while I could do nothing but watch and realize how far it had gone and how very wrong I had been, this was his own catharsis. This was the lowest point in his life-the dark between the twilight and the dawn. For a change, Cloud was looking to me to be the strong one while he made his peace with his past. My heart actually felt light as I looked down at him. I really couldn’t have been more honored.
It isn’t easy, being on the other side of things, but I’ve had Cloud long enough to give me some direction. I closed the distance between us and dropped to my knees at his side. I waited for the opening-that slight relaxation of muscle as the tension releases and the lean in my direction. He was still hugging himself when the silent invitation to embrace him came, so I wrapped one arm around his and the other around his back, pressed my forehead to his shoulder, and kissed the exposed flesh on his arm. Cloud leaned his head against mine. I could feel him swallow as the sobs started to subside.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“You know...” he said, his voice hoarse, “sometimes I don’t want to keep living. I just don’t want to do this anymore or remember any of it.” He shook his head a little, pulled one arm out from under mine and then covered my arm with his hand. “But then I think about everything I would lose and all the pain I would cause for the people left behind...And then I think that despite everything...Even if it was just you...If my not being here caused anyone pain, then I should probably stop being such a baby.”
I laughed a little. “You sure have a way with words,” I said.
“You’d miss me, right?”
“More than you can imagine,” I replied, nudging his shoulder with my head. “What a stupid question.”
“Yeah, I guess...” he said, laughing a little. He nudged me back. “I love you, Riku. Thank you. For listening and just...everything.”
“After everything with me, I think you’ve earned it.”
“Want to get out of this depressing place?”
“Can we not go back to Tifa’s just yet?”
Cloud pulled away and smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”
He stood before I did and then helped me to my feet. We dusted ourselves off, and before turning to leave, Cloud nodded toward the Buster Sword. “Take care,” he said.
“See ya, Zack,” I added.
Cloud watched for a moment, smiled, and then headed back to Fenrir as I trailed in his wake.
Author: Page of Cups
Pairing: Cloud/Riku
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Rating: K+ or PG
Theme: 16. invincible; unrivaled
Disclaimer: I so don’t own Kingdom Hearts it isn’t even funny. Sometimes I do in my hallucinations, but I have problems, so that doesn’t count.
Author’s Note: You know those stories that pop into your head while you’re trying to fall asleep and harass/assault you until you get back out of bed and write it because it’s sounding too damn good/won’t leave you alone? Yeah. This is one of those stories.
It’s a Thursday afternoon. Though the sky is mostly clear and the sun is still fairly high in the sky, the lighting is dim and musty as I’ve noticed it often is around this place. The air is acrid on my tongue and carries a pungent odor that no one but me seems to notice, but even those things don’t register to me right now. All I’ve been able to focus on since ascending this hill is Cloud. He’s crouched near the ground, arms wrapped around his chest. First Tsurugi is back on Fenrir, parked at a distance away from both of us. Before Cloud, planted in the ground as a form of memorial, is his old Buster Sword. I knew before he started speaking why he brought me here.
At first I was offended. I was apprehensive from the start when he first mentioned taking a trip to Gaea. Not only is it a world I know he hates for all the obvious reasons, but it’s also the place that’s a part of his life where I know I will never fit. Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene have never been anything but casual acquaintances to me that I’ve met on occasion for short periods of time, and I’ve never really bonded with any of them. Reno, Rude, Barrett, Reeve, and Vincent were names I only ever heard in passing or when Cloud finally managed to muster enough nerve to tell me anything about his life here. I never had faces to put to any of their names. Sephiroth was one of the few parts of his life on Gaea that really carried over into his life with me, and he was such an elusive entity-just a name to me for such a long time-that he never felt like a real threat, or perhaps I was too wrapped up in my own troubles. The other part was Zack, and even though he was dead and gone from this world, I could never shake wondering if I was second best. The last thing I ever wanted to do was go to an entire world full of people who knew Zack, remembered him, would be able to tell just by looking at us if Zack was still first in his heart while I stood foolishly beside him. Other than Cloud’s word, the only other indication I ever had was from Tifa, Cloud’s only friend I knew who had seen first-hand his mental state after Zack died, and she had clearly never taken a real liking to me. My hopes weren’t high, and now here we were, in front of Zack’s memorial, at the spot where he died, and Cloud was sobbing uncontrollably.
I knew why he brought me here. Though I heard bits and pieces of the story, Zack’s death was always glossed over. I never pressed the issue; I didn’t really want to know. In my head Zack and Cloud were this power couple, untouchable except by the twist of fate that took Zack’s life. They were destined, perfect, unbreakable. It wasn’t something I wanted to hear about, and when Cloud first crouched before the Buster Sword and started speaking, I didn’t really listen. It was all I could do to remain silent and not cry while he told the story.
He started somewhere in the middle or before the beginning; it really depends on how you divide the story that was Cloud’s life. Cloud chose to start this portion all the way back before he made it into Soldier, when he still a guard and Zack was fast on his way to achieving first-class rank. Most importantly, it was the time in Cloud’s life when he first let the darkness into his heart, fueled by jealousy and rage. He talked about Zack more than ever before. About how sometimes he hated him, resented him. About how sometimes he just wished Zack didn’t exist. How he often felt he could never measure up. How sometimes he hated when Zack kissed him or how he’d do everything he could think of to avoid sex, and if that didn’t work, how sometimes he’d hate Zack through the whole thing and just wait for it to be over. Cloud called it the lowest point in his life up until that point. That was when he started sobbing.
My interest was perked at this point. This was a whole new side of Zack and Cloud I have never heard about before-could never imagine existing. Cloud tried to furiously wipe at his cheeks, but the tears were too great in number for him to keep up. He continued. Told me the parts I already knew. Nibelheim. Sephiroth stealing Jenova’s head. Held hostage in the Shinra Manor basement, and then completely ridden with Mako poisoning, Zack lugged Cloud halfway across Gaea only to be shot down just outside of Midgar. At the very spot we were standing.
“I couldn’t do anything,” said Cloud. “I don’t even remember it all that well. My mind was so messed up from the Mako poisoning and the darkness. I didn’t remember anything for ages until I got Mako poisoning again. It was raining. I remember that. And I can remember crawling through the mud to get to him.” Cloud’s breath hitched as the entire scene started to unfold in my mind. “I don’t remember if I cried. I don’t remember if he spoke to me. I’m sure he must have; he was still alive when I got to him. He gave me the Buster Sword, but it’s all such a muddled mess still...I’m not ever sure what really happened.”
“He had this cocky little smirk,” said Cloud, half-laughing but still crying. “It used to drive me crazy. I was so paranoid. Always thought he was laughing at me. And I loved him so much, but I hated him sometimes, and that’s...that’s always been the hardest part to come to terms with. Because sometimes...” Cloud choked on his tears again and stared blankly ahead. His eyes were directed to the Buster Sword, but I was sure he wasn’t really seeing it. “Sometimes...when he was still alive...I wished...”
He didn’t finish, but it hung in the air, unspoken, both of us knowing what he sometimes wished, and it finally occurred to me the real reason he brought me here. It wasn’t to ease my fears. It wasn’t even really to tell me the entire story; it honestly wasn’t a story I ever needed to hear-not for us, but for him...
I knew Cloud wasn’t perfect. How couldn’t have I, when right from the beginning the only reason I met him was thanks to our mutual muddling through the darkness? For some reason, however-maybe because my journey through darkness was only beginning while his was coming to an end-I always thought he was invincible. Anything could happen to him-anything-and he’d just keep going. He always said I gave him hope and helped him find his light, but I don’t think he could ever truly understand how much he did for me. I couldn’t ever give up, couldn’t stop fighting, because Cloud never did.
I had heard about the low points in Cloud’s life. I knew about Shinra, Zack, Sephiroth. Cloud had told me about how he lost his mind. How he forgot Zack ever existed and the twisted state of his mind and memory for months after Zack died, but all I could ever understand was the end result. Cloud was together, collected, hard on himself sometimes, but he always pulled through in the end. Cloud was just that dependable friend and lover I could count on no matter what happened. Ultimately, to me, it was always Cloud who was untouchable, no matter how many times Sephiroth came back or whatever else might have happened. While I walked the road to twilight, he walked the road to dawn. I never truly understood how dark his darkest moments must have been-that our journeys really were no different save for that mine was shorter lived. Perhaps easier. It was at the moment I realized how lucky I really was to have gone through it all and come out relatively unscathed.
Cloud had always been understanding with me, and now I truly understood why. His beginning had been just as full of jealousy and anger as mine had been. He had hated Zack like I had hated Sora, resented his very being, but while I had him to talk me through it, he had no one but the one person he didn’t want to hear any of it from-a person who just couldn’t understand. This scene before me, Cloud weeping before his personal memorial to Zack, was no different than that time he found me in tears in the chapel at the castle in Radiant Garden. And just as I had poured it all out to him about what it was really like to be imprisoned in my own body, to see it all happen, watch Sora impale himself with that dark Keyblade while I could do nothing but watch and realize how far it had gone and how very wrong I had been, this was his own catharsis. This was the lowest point in his life-the dark between the twilight and the dawn. For a change, Cloud was looking to me to be the strong one while he made his peace with his past. My heart actually felt light as I looked down at him. I really couldn’t have been more honored.
It isn’t easy, being on the other side of things, but I’ve had Cloud long enough to give me some direction. I closed the distance between us and dropped to my knees at his side. I waited for the opening-that slight relaxation of muscle as the tension releases and the lean in my direction. He was still hugging himself when the silent invitation to embrace him came, so I wrapped one arm around his and the other around his back, pressed my forehead to his shoulder, and kissed the exposed flesh on his arm. Cloud leaned his head against mine. I could feel him swallow as the sobs started to subside.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“You know...” he said, his voice hoarse, “sometimes I don’t want to keep living. I just don’t want to do this anymore or remember any of it.” He shook his head a little, pulled one arm out from under mine and then covered my arm with his hand. “But then I think about everything I would lose and all the pain I would cause for the people left behind...And then I think that despite everything...Even if it was just you...If my not being here caused anyone pain, then I should probably stop being such a baby.”
I laughed a little. “You sure have a way with words,” I said.
“You’d miss me, right?”
“More than you can imagine,” I replied, nudging his shoulder with my head. “What a stupid question.”
“Yeah, I guess...” he said, laughing a little. He nudged me back. “I love you, Riku. Thank you. For listening and just...everything.”
“After everything with me, I think you’ve earned it.”
“Want to get out of this depressing place?”
“Can we not go back to Tifa’s just yet?”
Cloud pulled away and smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”
He stood before I did and then helped me to my feet. We dusted ourselves off, and before turning to leave, Cloud nodded toward the Buster Sword. “Take care,” he said.
“See ya, Zack,” I added.
Cloud watched for a moment, smiled, and then headed back to Fenrir as I trailed in his wake.