Perspective - Chapter One

Jul 29, 2007 07:10

[TITLE] Perspective
[PAIRING] Cloud Strife/Riku
[RATING] PG-13
[DISCLAIMER] I wish, okay? It’s all lies. I don’t own Kingdom Hearts, I don’t know anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts, and I am not affiliated with anyone who is affiliated with anyone who owns Kingdom Hearts. I think that about covers it.

[NOTE] This is just a little something I started writing for the 11 Reasons community because I couldn't stop thinking about it. So, yeah. That's the only explanation I can provide for this fic.



Chapter One: Reno

Cloud Strife was never anyone very important to me. From the time I met him, he meant very little-just another SOLDIER-wannabe that didn’t have the chops. He was small, unimpressive. It was almost disturbing the way he was in love with Shinra, Sephiroth, and ached so deeply to make it, be worth something. If the kid didn’t have it, he didn’t have it, and it had nothing to do with worth. I’ve always figured if you thought you weren’t worth something, you were probably right. After all, that kind of attitude gets you nowhere.

I wasn’t even very impressed with Cloud Strife when Sephiroth laid waste to Nibelheim and the little runt took him on. Sure, he did something for Sephiroth to be gone by the time anyone found him, but he had the Masamune stuck through his chest and was on the brink of death. Nothing terribly special if you ask me. Then Hojo stuck him in a pod, and when he did manage to escape, it wasn’t even of his own doing. It was really rather pitiful the way Zack Fair dragged him across Gaia, all groggy and half-delirious. And then the Shinra guards killed Zack, and didn’t even both with Cloud. Why should have they? He was as good as dead, anyway.

Sure, maybe he pulled through, and maybe he started to work with AVALANCHE, but he was still on the fritz between freak-outs and random delusions of grandeur. He may have gone from an unimpressive guard to a pain in Shinra’s ass, but it wasn’t a big pain. We fought against each other because he was a member of AVALANCHE and I was a Turk following through on orders. There was nothing more to it. In all honesty, I was unconcerned with his advances to destroy the reactors. Cloud Strife just wasn’t really all that special.

I learned a long time ago that I work for me, because there are few people you can depend on. If Rude asks me for a favor, yeah, I may consider doing it, but I’m not going to cut my vacation short just because Shinra tells me to. I’m especially not going to do it for Cloud Strife-some kid who didn’t have the skill that became little more than a nuisance. I work for me, and I do what I want.

Yeah, sure, Cloud took care of that little Sephiroth problem we had, and Meteor was stopped, but it wasn’t as if he did it on his own. And maybe when Shinra fell to shit, I started working with AVALANCHE, but it had nothing to do with Cloud Strife. Shinra fucked themselves over with that Lifestream crap they pulled on the planet for so long. They brought on the Geostigma, and I do what’s best for me. It was in my best interest to work with AVALANCHE, especially when Kadaj and his gang showed up. Let’s face it. It wasn’t to my benefit should another Jenova Reunion take place, and I really couldn’t give two shits about Sephiroth’s “mother” anyway.

And maybe, just maybe, I started to find Cloud Strife pretty damn sexy. Still didn’t make him special. I’ve found lots of men and women unbelievably hot before, and Cloud wasn’t even in the top twenty. Still, I thought it fairly obvious he was gay (when Tifa Lockhart shoves her gigantic tits in your face and you don’t respond, how could you not be?). With Cloud being gay and sexy-and me being a man who only worries about myself-I took the next opportunity I got. He got plastered, and I got aggressive. Since the sex was enjoyable, I found it in my best interest to continue the trend.

I still wasn’t impressed with Cloud. He was hot and good in bed. Not incredible feats considering he was born with his genetics and the mako from Hojo’s experiments gave him a more built physique. Being good in bed doesn’t rely on much more than abandoning reserve and aiming to please. While these may have both been traits Cloud Strife often fell short on, he was hammered most of the times we fucked, and alcohol does a great thing for draining away inhibitions. I would know, as I make it a point to imbibe daily.

I wasn’t even that upset when Cloud took off after Sephiroth again. One day I woke up and Cloud was gone. Tifa said he went back to their home world-Hollow Bastion or something like that-because a traveler to Midgar had seen Sephiroth there. Sure, I was surprised he left without a goodbye, but it wasn’t like we were dating, or that I was in love with him. I was merely surprised Cloud did something without whining first and tip-toeing around the goodbye issue for a few days before he left in a pissy mood. Because that’s how Cloud was, you know? Pissy, whiny, moody, and thoroughly unimpressive.

I didn’t see Cloud for several years. Truth be told, I thought I’d never see him again. I felt a little twinge inside from time to time when something reminded me of him. I snapped a little when his name got brought up. It was nothing major. Just a little hostility leftover from the incessant prodding I had to endure after his sudden departure.

“Do you miss him?”

“You holding up okay?”

“Don’t worry. He’ll be back.”

It was as if everybody thought I’d be heartbroken or something, crying into my vodka like a little schoolgirl. You know, if little school girls drank straight vodka. Even years after he left, I still got ‘The Look‘ when his name came into conversation. The apologies came after.

“I’m sorry, Reno. I didn’t think.”

“He just hasn’t found Sephiroth yet.”

“I’m sure he still thinks of you.”

I mean, really . . . What was the big deal? Didn’t they know Cloud was unimpressive? I wasn’t an emotional wreck. I was holding together fine and getting more than my fair share of sexual gratification. I didn’t think of Cloud-he was barely a blip in my past, much like the man himself. Minor. Forgettable. A continuing nuisance in spite of his absence. Cloud was always little more than that.

I knew he was off traveling the worlds, failing to finish off Sephiroth, and I was unsurprised. He was Cloud Strife, and mediocre at best. Tifa saw him now and again, and let me know of his exploits, but they were as average as Cloud.

Years later, he walked back into Midgar as if he’d never left. I was floored. It always seems to happen that way, doesn’t it? You look at a person a certain way for what feels like forever, and then they surprise you.

In my case, I’ve looked at Cloud Strife as inconsequential for as long as I could remember. I didn’t miss him. I wasn’t heartbroken. I wasn’t even very interested in him as a human being. Tifa hadn’t seen him in almost a year, and I was sitting in her bar, taking in my daily dose of alcoholic beverages while speaking to her breasts when Cloud walked in. The annoyance slipped from her face. Her mouth fell agape, and I turned to see what was so surprising.

There was Cloud Strife with not one but three gorgeous men. His head was held high. He walked with confidence, exuding a sort of pride I’d never seen in him before. There was a sparkle in his mako-blue eyes. He almost looked . . . happy . . . as he crossed the bar, sat in the seat beside me, and smiled at Tifa.

“He’s finished,” said Cloud. And almost as a side note, glanced to me and said, “Long time, no see.”

I think there was too much alcohol in my system by that point to not gape, but I felt more sober than I had in ages. His three companions sat in seats at the bar, and Tifa’s eyes flitted to them for a second before looking back to Cloud.

“Sephiroth?” said Tifa. “He’s gone?”

“Gone. Dead. Finished.”

She smiled.

“You found your light . . .”

“Mmm . . .” said Cloud. He nodded. “Thought you’d like to know.”

“I thought you looked different.”

“Happy?” I supplied. Cloud rolled his eyes.

“I can see you haven’t changed one bit.”

“I think this calls for a celebration,” said Tifa before I’d gotten the chance to ask Cloud what exactly his little comment was all about. It almost sounded . . . playful.

I was deeply confused, but accepted the drink Tifa sent in my direction in honor of Cloud’s victory.

Victory. Now understand I wasn’t annoyed by this point. At this juncture, I was amazed. Things were always rather black and white when it came to Cloud. Sephiroth was extraordinary (evil or not was a different dispute), and Cloud was average. Cloud would continue the chase for the rest of his life. He’d never find his light because he was too unimpressive, too down on himself. They’d just attack each other in an endless cycle until the end of Cloud’s days. He acted as if he was some worthless creature of the dark, and when people think they’re worthless, they’re probably right.

I watched as Tifa passed Cloud and his friends drinks, and listened as she greeted two of them. I recognized the names instantly-Leon, a childhood friend from Hollow Bastion, and Sora, the famed Keyblade master.

“And I don’t believe we’ve met,” said Tifa as she leaned toward the exceptionally cute, silver-haired, green-eyed boy. He didn’t stare down her top like Leon and Sora had. ‘Must be gay,’ I noted for the sake of my best interests.

“Riku,” he said.

“Ah. So you’re Riku.”

“Yeah,” said Riku. He had an awkward laugh that suggested a significant level of nervousness. “I’ve heard a lot about you, too.”

Cloud actually smiled at the boy, patted his back, and returned his attention to Tifa. Riku shifted in his seat. He had busy hands that fumbled with his drink, but he never actually touched it to his lips. I tilted my head, watching him. He was cute in that innocent, virginal sort of way that begs to be defiled. As I listened, I learned he had a biting sense of humor.

I will confess that this was around the time I started to feel annoyed. Tifa was my friend, more or less. Though Cloud was never much to me, we had known each other. Maybe I didn’t know the great Keyblade master, Tifa and Cloud’s childhood friend, or the cute little smartass, but it was no reason to shut me out of the conversation. That one acknowledgement Cloud was kind enough to bestow upon me and the drink from Tifa was about as much as I got to signal anyone was even aware of my presence.

They talked a lot about Sephiroth, Hollow Bastion, and the Heartless. I listened, tried to join in, but Cloud had developed an interest in speaking since I last saw him, and was incapable of shutting his mouth. I resigned to nurse my drink and brew in irritation. As all conversations do, however, it eventually dwindled, and when Cloud, Sora, and Leon got into a lengthy conversation with Tifa about something to do with the Keyblade, Riku moved to the seat on my other side.

“You don’t talk much,” said Riku.

“Cloud doesn’t give a guy much of a chance,” I replied. Riku smiled.

“Yeah. He gets like that sometimes. I’m Riku.”

“Yeah, I heard. Reno.”

Riku’s lips pulled tight for a fraction of a second before his face relaxed again. I raised my eyebrows.

“What?” I said.

“Huh? I didn’t say anything.”

“You looked at me weird.”

“I just . . . I didn’t realize . . .”

My eyebrows rose further.

“Didn’t realize what?”

“Who you were.”

“What does that mean?”

He shook his head.

“Nothing, really. Just . . . you dated Cloud, right?”

I stared. Once again, I was floored. Cloud had left without saying a word, and I assumed that I was just as meaningless to him as he was to me. He never talked much about himself, and that this random kid even Tifa didn’t know had heard of me . . .

“Something like that. It was mostly . . .”

“Sex. Yeah, I heard.”

I blinked.

“Yeah . . . So . . . you’re friends with the great Keyblade master, huh?” He frowned and shrugged. “Touchy subject?”

He gave me a wry smile. It took everything in me not to jam my tongue down his throat then and there.

“Something like that.”

“Not a big talker yourself, huh? And here I thought you wandered my way for a conversation.”

Riku shrugged.

“I didn’t really feel like talking about Keyblades and Heartless, and you were sitting over here all by yourself, so . . .”

“So you thought you’d come and talk to me?”

“Yeah . . .”

I frowned.

“You don’t like me, do you?”

“I don’t even know you.”

“Yeah, but . . . I mean . . . How well do you know Cloud? Cause you’ve been kind of weird ever since you found out my name.”

Riku opened his mouth, closed it again, and looked past me to Cloud. He was actually smiling again, waving his hands as he spoke. Riku grinned.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

To be honest, my first thought was that I supposed I wouldn’t get any sex out of the kid now. It was followed by a slight vexation that Cloud had beaten me to it. Then it sank in. The change in Cloud . . . the break to his endless cycle of self-deprecation and brooding . . . his light . . . it was all Riku. He must have sparked something in Cloud, and from what I could tell from the situation screaming in my face, they were very much in love. Cloud glanced back, caught Riku’s eye, and winked. Riku smirked and waved.

I could’ve puked in my mouth.

It took me a long time to place that the emotion I felt at that moment was humility. It wasn’t an emotion I was familiar with; I’ll be the first person to admit I tend to get arrogant. For the longest time I had pegged Cloud as ordinary for human emotions. And yeah, I still think that Cloud is unimpressive in ability, but I think I realized in those few seconds that you didn’t have to be exceptionally talented to be an exceptional person. For all the resources Shinra had, they still fell in part to AVALANCHE’s efforts-a group of unremarkable people who did something everyone thought impossible. Cloud annihilated Sephiroth on his own-found the courage to dig for his light because of the way Riku- and not I-looked at him.

I’d always thought myself talented because I was skilled. I thought I was better than Cloud because I excelled at something while he was perfectly average at everything. When I realized what something rather unremarkable and common like love had done for Cloud, I also realized that maybe the philosophy of ‘Reno works for Reno’ wasn’t working out as well as I’d like.

I also realized that I was profoundly lonely.

I tried to explain this all to Rude several months after Cloud left for Hollow Bastion again. I didn’t think he got it, so I tried to do the un-Reno-like thing, and talked to Tifa. She smiled at me.

“So, basically, you took forty-five minutes to tell me you finally realized the choices we make, the people we surround ourselves with, and the ways we react to things make us who we are more than our abilities?”

“Is that what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Wow. That’s either really deep or really simplistic.”

“It’s been my experience that most things considered deep are simplistic in nature.”

“I feel humbled, you know? Like . . . just because I’m a better than average fighter, it doesn’t mean anything. Cloud . . . Cloud did something no one really believed he could do because Riku had faith in him. I . . . I don’t get close to anyone. I’ve always been an ‘every man for himself’ kind of guy, and that maybe . . . like, maybe that just doesn’t work or you end up . . . you know . . . you don’t have those extra resources. Those support systems.”

“Friends?”

“Is that what I’m talking about?”

“Yes, I think so.”

I eventually stopped sleeping around and started drinking less. Once I was more sober and stopped talking directly to her tits, Tifa actually went on a date with me. I see Riku and Cloud pretty often these days. Riku seems to like me more in a cemented relationship. Though it really gets on my nerves, I find myself cautious with how I treat Tifa. Cloud and Riku got something right. They still make me want to puke in my mouth, but . . . well, it’d be awfully average for me to ignore a great example when it’s staring me in the face (along with Tifa’s enormous tits). It’s hard to accept taking pointers from Cloud, but what can I say? Cloud Strife was pretty remarkable.

perspective, cloudxriku

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