Just the Apocalypse
“Just the Apocalypse”
By December21st
Fandom: Fringe
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Warnings: Attempt at humor. General spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. Reference to blood and gore. Mild swearing. Possibly Crack!Fic (I’m a little vague on the definition.)
Summary: The apocalypse doesn’t really live up to its reputation. Surprise crossover.
The apocalypse had begun. The dead had risen from their graves, shambling horrors craving living brains; converging on major population centers and killing hapless bystanders, thereby creating more members of their army of the undead. Other than that, it wasn’t really that big a deal.
A hundred years ago, sure. It probably would have spelled the doom of mankind. But now? One in three Americans before the Apocalypse started knew that the best way to kill a zombie was to shoot it in the head. Okay, the living lost the first few skirmishes because people didn’t - or wouldn’t - believe what was happening, but once it became clear? The zombies were more of a nuisance than anything else. An enemy that moved at a top speed of two miles per hour, couldn’t master doorknobs, and whose communication skills were limited by one word - brains? Not so much of a threat. So people invested in chain link fences for their yards, the decorative-but-functional sword industry made record profits, George Romero was appointed Secretary of Undead Defense, and life (or lack thereof) went on.
Walter, of course, was involved with the investigation from the start. What had caused the dead to rise? Why now?
Theory #1 was that it was a contagion of some sort. They’re not really zombies, they’re just people infected with an illness that has stripped them of the power of thought and replaced it with adrenaline and an oddly specific food craving. Unfortunately, this theory wasn't borne out by even a basic medical exam / autopsy. Walter’s test subject (the late Millicent Perkins of Perkins Funeral Home, who had generously donated her body to science), strapped to a gurney, didn't seem to miss her removed heart at all, instead showing a vocal interest in Gene the cow (brains), the examination light (brains), and Walter's Jell-o (brains). After Walter was done with her heart, she did indicate an interest in the proceedings and offered her opinion about the next one of her organs that Walter should examine.
Theory #2 was a fairly complicated theory involving the Other Side and living people somehow merging with their dead Other Side counterparts. Assuming that Peter was an exception due to his particularly unusual circumstances, it took Olivia two days to find someone they knew was dead on the Other Side and alive on This Side. (Technically, it was the FBI who found him, but Walter had gotten into the habit of personally crediting Olivia with anything the FBI did.)
Theory #3 involved space aliens, and was summarily dismissed due to a complete lack of evidence once everyone stopped laughing.
Theory #4 was Peter’s idea and was, basically, Clarke's Law. (In response to Olivia’s impatient look, Peter explained that Clarke’s Law is “Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”) He was perfectly willing to believe that Massive Dynamic, with or without help from the Other Side, had developed some sort of death ray or life ray or nanotechnology or something that had caused the dead to walk. Nina Sharp, of course, denied everything. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any more proof for this theory than there had been for Theory #3, but it felt good to blame Massive Dynamic for everything just on general principle.
Theory #5 was Astrid’s idea and was, screw Clarke’s Law, why couldn’t it just be magic? None of the rest of them could come up with a reason that it couldn’t be magic, and even though there wasn’t any more evidence to support Astrid’s theory than there for any of the others, they decided to go with it until someone came up with a better idea.
Months passed. Governments established zombie research agencies. Haiti’s economy saw a boost after they opened the University of Zombie Studies. Nobody came up with any evidence that either supported or disproved any of their open theories (or any others) - at least, not that they heard about. Zombies became part of everyday life, and weren’t considered weird anymore, so the Fringe division moved on.
They’d just come back from Seattle, investigating a (completely erroneous) report of zombie fish, when Broyles called them with another assignment. Five local zombies and one recently paroled child rapist had been found mauled to death by a lion, a tiger, or possibly a bear. (Astrid supplied the obligatory “Oh my!) They had all been found over the course of a week in a large wooded area near Cleveland. Local wildlife authorities had scoured the area but had been unable to find anything larger than a raccoon.
A local housing development backed onto the wooded area in question. Peter and Olivia canvassed the neighborhood, trying to find out if anyone had seen anything suspicious or unusual, while Walter commandeered the local morgue to examine the bodies with the assistance of the local medical examiner, a combat-trained war veteran. (All medical examiners and their assistants were now considered to be combat personnel, with rigorous physical requirements including thorough knowledge of unarmed and armed combat. Most medical examiners from before the zombie apocalypse started hadn’t survived the transition.)
After a day of interviewing potential witnesses, Peter and Olivia gathered the following items of information:
1. Mrs. Abigail Chappworth believed that the zombies were killed by the Angel Gabriel because they hadn’t been buried in consecrated ground. No, she hadn’t actually seen it happen, and no, she didn’t have any inside knowledge of that, but it seemed like the sort of thing he would do.
2. Mr. Henry Mason thought he saw Gail Perry, his next-door neighbor, leaving her house at odd hours on at least three occasions during the time in question.
3. Mrs. Caroline Derkins found something that she thought looked like big paw prints in her flowerbeds, but the rain had washed them away by the next morning.
4. Mr. John Halverson noticed that the mail was late the Thursday before last. Olivia commended his observational skills.
5. Mrs. Mary James had caught her no-good two-timing husband sneaking out of the house and if she found out who he was hooking up with there would be another murder. Peter silently sympathized with Mr. James.
6. Mr. William Watters didn’t have any useful information, but his six-year-old son had twelve separate theories, including that the zombies were killed by space aliens (Peter chose not to share this with Walter), his first-grade teacher who was really a witch, and, Olivia’s favorite, a Tyrannosaurus rex.
7. Ms. Amy Cranford noticed “strange lights” in the woods on certain nights. She didn’t know which nights.
8. Mr. Todd Perry had been coming home late from work all month and had noticed that someone had been knocking over garbage cans when they were put out the night before garbage day.
While Peter and Olivia were gathering information from the neighbors, Walter examined the bodies of the zombies. His conversation with Dr. Prestwick started something like “Is it specific enough to call them the bodies of the zombies? Aren’t all zombies, by definition, bodies? I supposed we could call them inanimate zombies and animate zombies, but then how would you distinguish corpses that were animated and are no longer and those that haven’t animated to begin with? For example, those that were originally killed by decapitation, or brain trauma. Which reminds me, do you know of a local restaurant that serves tapioca? I’ve been having a craving for it recently.” Considering that Walter was at the time examining the brain matter of one of the no longer animate zombies, Dr. Prestwick turned an interesting shade of gray and stayed as far from Walter as the room would allow.
At the end of the day, the three got together at a local diner (one that served tapioca, much to Walter’s delight) and shared their results. They invited Dr. Prestwick, but he claimed he wasn’t hungry. Walter determined that the zombies and the one living victim ... no, the formerly living victim … no, the victim living at the time he was killed… no, the victim who had not spent any time as a zombie were all killed by a large cat. Not as small as a bobcat, this would have to be the size of a leopard, tiger, or lion. All victims had been killed in the same manner, and there was no question that the sole living victim… no, the (Peter derailed that train of thought) had been killed by the same creature that killed the zombies. He then provided the unpleasant details on how, exactly, a lion-sized cat could kill a zombie. It was icky.
The following day, the three of them were in the wooded area, looking for clues. Peter carried a shotgun; Olivia had extra ammo in her pockets, and Walter … Walter promised not to wander away this time. The first three sites were unremarkable. The site of the paroled child molester’s death proved to be the most interesting. The body had been found by a well-armed search party looking for other dead zombies. It had been behind a copse of trees, not far from an oversized pond. Other than the vast quantity of blood that was not present at the other sites (zombies not being known for their bleeding skills), this attack had seemed more aggressive than most. Unfortunately, the search party had managed to destroy any kind of tracks. The three were now searching for anything else.
That was when they heard a child’s laughter coming from the direction of the pond. Naturally, they investigated.
It was the Watters boy. He was sitting with a fishing pole (really a stick with a piece of string attached) at the side of the pond. Next to him, a stuffed animal held another fishing pole. He looked up as they approached. “You don’t have to tell my mom I’m out here. She knows where I am.” He told them, trying to look convincing.
“Aren’t you worried about the T-Rex?” Olivia asked him gently.
“No, I come here all the time; he’s friendly.”
“Braaaaains …” The sound from behind them had them all turning around, facing the woods. Two zombies came out of the woods, barely enough there to be mobile. Peter raised the shotgun as Olivia drew her automatic, ready to fire. Walter drew the boy to his side protectively.
A growl came from behind them. Peter kept the shotgun trained on the zombies as Olivia spun around. It was a tiger, huge and slowly approaching them, looking sleek and dangerous in the afternoon light. It growled again. Olivia fired her gun twice, hitting it square in the chest. It didn’t react, only speeding up as it passed their group and pounced on the zombies.
“Don’t worry, he only hurts zombies,” the kid reassured them. Presumably he didn’t know about the other victim. The foursome watched as the tiger demonstrated the method for killing zombies that Walter had explained the night before over dinner.
The kid seemed remarkably complacent about the whole thing. More so than Olivia and Peter, who watched as the tiger disappeared behind a tree. It took them a moment to realize that the disappearance was literal - the tree wasn’t that big, and after the tiger failed to come out from behind it, they investigated. The tiger was gone, and in its place was the stuffed animal that the kid had been fishing with just moments ago. More specifically, the stuffed tiger.
“Has he always been like this?” Walter asked the Watters boy. The kid nodded enthusiastically. “Always. He’s my best friend.”
“Has anything … unusual happened to him lately?”
“My teacher cast a spell on him to make him taste bad to zombies a while ago. I told you, she’s a witch.”
“What’s your teacher’s name?”
“Miss. Wormwood.”
Peter choked a moment. When Olivia cast a questioning look in his direction, he responded with “C.S. Lewis? The Screwtape Letters? The apprentice devil?”
They trekked back to the housing development, Walter regaling them with a story involving Peter’s favorite childhood stuffed animal, a long-eared rabbit. “If Harvey shows up and starts taking out zombies, I am so out of here.” Peter informed them.
The Bishops and Olivia took the child back to his parent’s house and told them about finding him in the woods. The parents were scolding him soundly, but the boy was nodding absently as he stared out in the direction of the fishing pond. After a hurried discussion in undertones, they decided not to tell the parents about the tiger; at least, not yet.
They interviewed Miss. Wormwood that afternoon. She bore more of a resemblance to Mrs. Santa Claus than to witches of Halloween. After a certain amount of persistent questioning by Olivia, she admitted to certain wiccan beliefs, not commonly known by the students. Or so she thought. She had actually “enchanted” various tokens carried by some of her students with a simple safety charm. She had expected the charm to provide a small amount of protection against ill fortune to those that carried it, certainly nothing like what they were asking about.
It felt oddly anticlimactic, but they really didn’t think they needed to do anything. The boy would certainly be in danger if they took his stuffed tiger from him, if history was any indication. His teacher only had the safety of her students in mind, and the effect of her charm was apparently a fluke.
Besides, they had another case to investigate. In Minnesota, zombies were being killed by a World War I era biplane that seemed to disappear from sight after its enemies were dispatched. One witness even claimed that it was being piloted by a dog.
By December21st
Fandom: Fringe
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: None
Warnings: Attempt at humor. General spoilers for seasons 1 and 2. Reference to blood and gore. Mild swearing. Possibly Crack!Fic (I’m a little vague on the definition.)
Summary: The apocalypse doesn’t really live up to its reputation. Surprise crossover.
The apocalypse had begun. The dead had risen from their graves, shambling horrors craving living brains; converging on major population centers and killing hapless bystanders, thereby creating more members of their army of the undead. Other than that, it wasn’t really that big a deal.
A hundred years ago, sure. It probably would have spelled the doom of mankind. But now? One in three Americans before the Apocalypse started knew that the best way to kill a zombie was to shoot it in the head. Okay, the living lost the first few skirmishes because people didn’t - or wouldn’t - believe what was happening, but once it became clear? The zombies were more of a nuisance than anything else. An enemy that moved at a top speed of two miles per hour, couldn’t master doorknobs, and whose communication skills were limited by one word - brains? Not so much of a threat. So people invested in chain link fences for their yards, the decorative-but-functional sword industry made record profits, George Romero was appointed Secretary of Undead Defense, and life (or lack thereof) went on.
Walter, of course, was involved with the investigation from the start. What had caused the dead to rise? Why now?
Theory #1 was that it was a contagion of some sort. They’re not really zombies, they’re just people infected with an illness that has stripped them of the power of thought and replaced it with adrenaline and an oddly specific food craving. Unfortunately, this theory wasn't borne out by even a basic medical exam / autopsy. Walter’s test subject (the late Millicent Perkins of Perkins Funeral Home, who had generously donated her body to science), strapped to a gurney, didn't seem to miss her removed heart at all, instead showing a vocal interest in Gene the cow (brains), the examination light (brains), and Walter's Jell-o (brains). After Walter was done with her heart, she did indicate an interest in the proceedings and offered her opinion about the next one of her organs that Walter should examine.
Theory #2 was a fairly complicated theory involving the Other Side and living people somehow merging with their dead Other Side counterparts. Assuming that Peter was an exception due to his particularly unusual circumstances, it took Olivia two days to find someone they knew was dead on the Other Side and alive on This Side. (Technically, it was the FBI who found him, but Walter had gotten into the habit of personally crediting Olivia with anything the FBI did.)
Theory #3 involved space aliens, and was summarily dismissed due to a complete lack of evidence once everyone stopped laughing.
Theory #4 was Peter’s idea and was, basically, Clarke's Law. (In response to Olivia’s impatient look, Peter explained that Clarke’s Law is “Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”) He was perfectly willing to believe that Massive Dynamic, with or without help from the Other Side, had developed some sort of death ray or life ray or nanotechnology or something that had caused the dead to walk. Nina Sharp, of course, denied everything. Unfortunately, there wasn’t any more proof for this theory than there had been for Theory #3, but it felt good to blame Massive Dynamic for everything just on general principle.
Theory #5 was Astrid’s idea and was, screw Clarke’s Law, why couldn’t it just be magic? None of the rest of them could come up with a reason that it couldn’t be magic, and even though there wasn’t any more evidence to support Astrid’s theory than there for any of the others, they decided to go with it until someone came up with a better idea.
Months passed. Governments established zombie research agencies. Haiti’s economy saw a boost after they opened the University of Zombie Studies. Nobody came up with any evidence that either supported or disproved any of their open theories (or any others) - at least, not that they heard about. Zombies became part of everyday life, and weren’t considered weird anymore, so the Fringe division moved on.
They’d just come back from Seattle, investigating a (completely erroneous) report of zombie fish, when Broyles called them with another assignment. Five local zombies and one recently paroled child rapist had been found mauled to death by a lion, a tiger, or possibly a bear. (Astrid supplied the obligatory “Oh my!) They had all been found over the course of a week in a large wooded area near Cleveland. Local wildlife authorities had scoured the area but had been unable to find anything larger than a raccoon.
A local housing development backed onto the wooded area in question. Peter and Olivia canvassed the neighborhood, trying to find out if anyone had seen anything suspicious or unusual, while Walter commandeered the local morgue to examine the bodies with the assistance of the local medical examiner, a combat-trained war veteran. (All medical examiners and their assistants were now considered to be combat personnel, with rigorous physical requirements including thorough knowledge of unarmed and armed combat. Most medical examiners from before the zombie apocalypse started hadn’t survived the transition.)
After a day of interviewing potential witnesses, Peter and Olivia gathered the following items of information:
1. Mrs. Abigail Chappworth believed that the zombies were killed by the Angel Gabriel because they hadn’t been buried in consecrated ground. No, she hadn’t actually seen it happen, and no, she didn’t have any inside knowledge of that, but it seemed like the sort of thing he would do.
2. Mr. Henry Mason thought he saw Gail Perry, his next-door neighbor, leaving her house at odd hours on at least three occasions during the time in question.
3. Mrs. Caroline Derkins found something that she thought looked like big paw prints in her flowerbeds, but the rain had washed them away by the next morning.
4. Mr. John Halverson noticed that the mail was late the Thursday before last. Olivia commended his observational skills.
5. Mrs. Mary James had caught her no-good two-timing husband sneaking out of the house and if she found out who he was hooking up with there would be another murder. Peter silently sympathized with Mr. James.
6. Mr. William Watters didn’t have any useful information, but his six-year-old son had twelve separate theories, including that the zombies were killed by space aliens (Peter chose not to share this with Walter), his first-grade teacher who was really a witch, and, Olivia’s favorite, a Tyrannosaurus rex.
7. Ms. Amy Cranford noticed “strange lights” in the woods on certain nights. She didn’t know which nights.
8. Mr. Todd Perry had been coming home late from work all month and had noticed that someone had been knocking over garbage cans when they were put out the night before garbage day.
While Peter and Olivia were gathering information from the neighbors, Walter examined the bodies of the zombies. His conversation with Dr. Prestwick started something like “Is it specific enough to call them the bodies of the zombies? Aren’t all zombies, by definition, bodies? I supposed we could call them inanimate zombies and animate zombies, but then how would you distinguish corpses that were animated and are no longer and those that haven’t animated to begin with? For example, those that were originally killed by decapitation, or brain trauma. Which reminds me, do you know of a local restaurant that serves tapioca? I’ve been having a craving for it recently.” Considering that Walter was at the time examining the brain matter of one of the no longer animate zombies, Dr. Prestwick turned an interesting shade of gray and stayed as far from Walter as the room would allow.
At the end of the day, the three got together at a local diner (one that served tapioca, much to Walter’s delight) and shared their results. They invited Dr. Prestwick, but he claimed he wasn’t hungry. Walter determined that the zombies and the one living victim ... no, the formerly living victim … no, the victim living at the time he was killed… no, the victim who had not spent any time as a zombie were all killed by a large cat. Not as small as a bobcat, this would have to be the size of a leopard, tiger, or lion. All victims had been killed in the same manner, and there was no question that the sole living victim… no, the (Peter derailed that train of thought) had been killed by the same creature that killed the zombies. He then provided the unpleasant details on how, exactly, a lion-sized cat could kill a zombie. It was icky.
The following day, the three of them were in the wooded area, looking for clues. Peter carried a shotgun; Olivia had extra ammo in her pockets, and Walter … Walter promised not to wander away this time. The first three sites were unremarkable. The site of the paroled child molester’s death proved to be the most interesting. The body had been found by a well-armed search party looking for other dead zombies. It had been behind a copse of trees, not far from an oversized pond. Other than the vast quantity of blood that was not present at the other sites (zombies not being known for their bleeding skills), this attack had seemed more aggressive than most. Unfortunately, the search party had managed to destroy any kind of tracks. The three were now searching for anything else.
That was when they heard a child’s laughter coming from the direction of the pond. Naturally, they investigated.
It was the Watters boy. He was sitting with a fishing pole (really a stick with a piece of string attached) at the side of the pond. Next to him, a stuffed animal held another fishing pole. He looked up as they approached. “You don’t have to tell my mom I’m out here. She knows where I am.” He told them, trying to look convincing.
“Aren’t you worried about the T-Rex?” Olivia asked him gently.
“No, I come here all the time; he’s friendly.”
“Braaaaains …” The sound from behind them had them all turning around, facing the woods. Two zombies came out of the woods, barely enough there to be mobile. Peter raised the shotgun as Olivia drew her automatic, ready to fire. Walter drew the boy to his side protectively.
A growl came from behind them. Peter kept the shotgun trained on the zombies as Olivia spun around. It was a tiger, huge and slowly approaching them, looking sleek and dangerous in the afternoon light. It growled again. Olivia fired her gun twice, hitting it square in the chest. It didn’t react, only speeding up as it passed their group and pounced on the zombies.
“Don’t worry, he only hurts zombies,” the kid reassured them. Presumably he didn’t know about the other victim. The foursome watched as the tiger demonstrated the method for killing zombies that Walter had explained the night before over dinner.
The kid seemed remarkably complacent about the whole thing. More so than Olivia and Peter, who watched as the tiger disappeared behind a tree. It took them a moment to realize that the disappearance was literal - the tree wasn’t that big, and after the tiger failed to come out from behind it, they investigated. The tiger was gone, and in its place was the stuffed animal that the kid had been fishing with just moments ago. More specifically, the stuffed tiger.
“Has he always been like this?” Walter asked the Watters boy. The kid nodded enthusiastically. “Always. He’s my best friend.”
“Has anything … unusual happened to him lately?”
“My teacher cast a spell on him to make him taste bad to zombies a while ago. I told you, she’s a witch.”
“What’s your teacher’s name?”
“Miss. Wormwood.”
Peter choked a moment. When Olivia cast a questioning look in his direction, he responded with “C.S. Lewis? The Screwtape Letters? The apprentice devil?”
They trekked back to the housing development, Walter regaling them with a story involving Peter’s favorite childhood stuffed animal, a long-eared rabbit. “If Harvey shows up and starts taking out zombies, I am so out of here.” Peter informed them.
The Bishops and Olivia took the child back to his parent’s house and told them about finding him in the woods. The parents were scolding him soundly, but the boy was nodding absently as he stared out in the direction of the fishing pond. After a hurried discussion in undertones, they decided not to tell the parents about the tiger; at least, not yet.
They interviewed Miss. Wormwood that afternoon. She bore more of a resemblance to Mrs. Santa Claus than to witches of Halloween. After a certain amount of persistent questioning by Olivia, she admitted to certain wiccan beliefs, not commonly known by the students. Or so she thought. She had actually “enchanted” various tokens carried by some of her students with a simple safety charm. She had expected the charm to provide a small amount of protection against ill fortune to those that carried it, certainly nothing like what they were asking about.
It felt oddly anticlimactic, but they really didn’t think they needed to do anything. The boy would certainly be in danger if they took his stuffed tiger from him, if history was any indication. His teacher only had the safety of her students in mind, and the effect of her charm was apparently a fluke.
Besides, they had another case to investigate. In Minnesota, zombies were being killed by a World War I era biplane that seemed to disappear from sight after its enemies were dispatched. One witness even claimed that it was being piloted by a dog.