(no subject)
do you ever feel like you have secrets that you will never tell anyone? today i realized that most of mine i have told. i dont know how this makes me feel. relieved? sad? angry? regretful? maybe all of them. still, there are some that embarrass me so and confuse so wholly i cant even begin to reveal them. ive tried, i am incapable of it. its not pride with other circumstances, but something else i cant quite grasp. maybe because they are things that werent self-inflicted so i feel ashamed i let them happen? with masochism, you are in control. and since i hate being vulnerable and not having control and those were such key examples of me not having control and being utterly vulnerable i choose not to share because its too painful to acknowledge...i really dont know. they just feel like these heavy burdens that i will never let go of because its impossible to. urg, i hate them.