(no subject)
i delicately finger the strings of your shirt buttons
as tears well up in my eyes
because i know
that one day this will end
in a disaster my heart wont be able to overcome
moments occur in ways that overwhelm me so
the music is so loud
all you can do is cry
harder and harder
as the lyrics more clearly define
the ways youve fucked up your life
ive watched you
to the point of depression
knowing you will be gone from me one day
and i hate that youve made me what i loathe the most
someone who cant exist without another
i scratch my face so hard im sure it will bleed
trying to remove the itch my tears always leave behind
its not my fault
youve caused this mess
you try to hold me
and i pull away
in more ways the one
physical touch will bring us closer
and i cant handle feeling your heart beat against my chest again
its too much
you just want to sleep
i just want you to leave me alone
so i can remember what it was like to be me
my mom says you make me a better person
a happier person
why is that so important?
happiness?
i was fine in the dark corners of mind with unexpressed emotions
now...
i cant define how i feel
words and emotions tangle in my head
and im not in a proper state to sort them out
i laugh when i cry
because the irony is lost on everyone but me
i get to a place where the fear doesnt own me
like it previously did
and doubt lingers far in the back
so i can enjoy the moments
without the deliberateness i once forced
i mess up your hair
because you let me
its sexy that you can tie a tie
and i love how patient you are
sometimes i think ive found my husband
then i remember i cant live with myself
let alone another person whose one love is my one hate
me
i try to bite through the akward moments
but it just leaves me with bloody lips
and a heavy heart that claims you as just a stepping stone
just get me
please
i cant take the time to explain all my intricacies and even my eccentricities
attachment is looming
you always tease that i will leave you
i promise you i wont
when i go to france i wont fall in love with some french boy
baby
and when i go to school in los angeles i wont dump you
over distance and the likes of some pretty haired musician
dont get scared
ill still want and need you the way i do now
maybe even more then
but i cant promise you wont leave me
there are better chances of me guaranteeing that
you say you have theories
but what if you are one of my great ones
but im not one of yours
im not
im sure of it
my insecurities wont even let the hope of it abound
and if you are looking for a fighter
one who can handle your slings with grace and return them
with just as much acerbic wit
know that i cant
and i am just another one you will leave in tears
april 8th is too soon of a deadline
and i dont believe your promises
your mannerisms negate the lies
that spill from those perfect lips
you will find her or someone else to be what you need
and i will be the annoyance ive always feared of becoming
words once too good to be true
now are
im waiting
seemingly patiently
but honestly anxiously
for you to leave me
and im trying to build up this weak heart
so when it does happen
like you cynically forsee
a piece of me will survive to write about it
because thats all that matters
the documentation of this soul
so this life will have had meaning
im a scribe of melancholic and melodramatic fashions
i am my own art
waiting for the next moment to break a little more
smile baby
so i can too today
as tears well up in my eyes
because i know
that one day this will end
in a disaster my heart wont be able to overcome
moments occur in ways that overwhelm me so
the music is so loud
all you can do is cry
harder and harder
as the lyrics more clearly define
the ways youve fucked up your life
ive watched you
to the point of depression
knowing you will be gone from me one day
and i hate that youve made me what i loathe the most
someone who cant exist without another
i scratch my face so hard im sure it will bleed
trying to remove the itch my tears always leave behind
its not my fault
youve caused this mess
you try to hold me
and i pull away
in more ways the one
physical touch will bring us closer
and i cant handle feeling your heart beat against my chest again
its too much
you just want to sleep
i just want you to leave me alone
so i can remember what it was like to be me
my mom says you make me a better person
a happier person
why is that so important?
happiness?
i was fine in the dark corners of mind with unexpressed emotions
now...
i cant define how i feel
words and emotions tangle in my head
and im not in a proper state to sort them out
i laugh when i cry
because the irony is lost on everyone but me
i get to a place where the fear doesnt own me
like it previously did
and doubt lingers far in the back
so i can enjoy the moments
without the deliberateness i once forced
i mess up your hair
because you let me
its sexy that you can tie a tie
and i love how patient you are
sometimes i think ive found my husband
then i remember i cant live with myself
let alone another person whose one love is my one hate
me
i try to bite through the akward moments
but it just leaves me with bloody lips
and a heavy heart that claims you as just a stepping stone
just get me
please
i cant take the time to explain all my intricacies and even my eccentricities
attachment is looming
you always tease that i will leave you
i promise you i wont
when i go to france i wont fall in love with some french boy
baby
and when i go to school in los angeles i wont dump you
over distance and the likes of some pretty haired musician
dont get scared
ill still want and need you the way i do now
maybe even more then
but i cant promise you wont leave me
there are better chances of me guaranteeing that
you say you have theories
but what if you are one of my great ones
but im not one of yours
im not
im sure of it
my insecurities wont even let the hope of it abound
and if you are looking for a fighter
one who can handle your slings with grace and return them
with just as much acerbic wit
know that i cant
and i am just another one you will leave in tears
april 8th is too soon of a deadline
and i dont believe your promises
your mannerisms negate the lies
that spill from those perfect lips
you will find her or someone else to be what you need
and i will be the annoyance ive always feared of becoming
words once too good to be true
now are
im waiting
seemingly patiently
but honestly anxiously
for you to leave me
and im trying to build up this weak heart
so when it does happen
like you cynically forsee
a piece of me will survive to write about it
because thats all that matters
the documentation of this soul
so this life will have had meaning
im a scribe of melancholic and melodramatic fashions
i am my own art
waiting for the next moment to break a little more
smile baby
so i can too today