Matters of the Superfluous and the mind's eye
Superfluous:
Bought my own Axis HT pills instead of borrowing them off Moss. My lifting today sucked. It was chest/back. I know now ehere my real weak point lies. I just couldn't push myself. On arms/shoulder day I was so proud of myself. When I thought I couldn't go on, I pushed myself and completely broke through the pain barrier. Regardless, I will have to take it up a notch in both areas, weak and strong. It is a mistake to concentrate only on your weak points, lest your strong points become the weak, and vice-versa. Rather, work them all and make them all strong.
Wednesday night at work I was doing a G-run. We have new tires on the bed we use. They're bigger. I didn't realize it at the time so I did my normal "move like fucking hell" speed and I gained so much momentum I flipped the entire bed over and spilled trash all over the parking lot. Two girls were leaving TGI Fridays and came to help me. I was so flustered, though, that I didn't think of doing a little flirting/number exchange. *sigh* All the coworkers who saw that said I was given an oppurtunity and I just completely fucked it up. I lost my "whore" status at Red Lobster. I am so disappointed in myself. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! They were kinda hot, too.
Mind's Eye:
I was talking to a friend, who I will not name so as to keep it confidential. While I may expound upon MY life, I do not feel it my right to expound upon their personal life and give a name, but I feel I need to explain the situation. Maybe my writing here will give me some insight so I can give them some advise, which I feel I have lost my touch at as of late, the next time we talk.
They are at a low point in their life. They say they don't know what is happening to them, remember what they talked about before because now they don't say much of any revelance at all. They are depressed. I know why they are depressed, and I know it has to do with what they feel now. I don't know if I should broach that subject. But I fear if I don't, they could sink into a spot that I was once at. Become depressed for too long, and forget who you were, and feel you are no one because you can't accept you lost who you were and what you have become. I myself always denied that depressed person was me, but it was. I allowed it to happen. And that says a lot about who I was before that depression. Now that I'm out of it, I'm still the same person, in all technicality. I don't know how to explain it, but while I may act and feel different, a person, and who they are, is continuous like a river. Sure you can say a river has a real beginning and end, but if you stand by the shore of one at its center, it is a constant flow. Parts may be shallow, parts may be deep, but it's all the same river. I feel it's the same for a person. We've so many depths and currents to us, that we reach different parts because of different experiences, then we miss the bend of the river we were once at.
No, my friend didn't change. All that happened to them is an experience, one that turned them into the shallows with the jagged floor. It's just a new aspect to themself that they have yet to experience. But once they do and move on to who they once were or to a completely different current of themself, they'll feel all the more enlightened and more in control of their surroundings and their nature. I know I feel that way now. I feel it's my job to keep them from getting too close to the edge. They once did the same for me. And that I will never forget.
Bought my own Axis HT pills instead of borrowing them off Moss. My lifting today sucked. It was chest/back. I know now ehere my real weak point lies. I just couldn't push myself. On arms/shoulder day I was so proud of myself. When I thought I couldn't go on, I pushed myself and completely broke through the pain barrier. Regardless, I will have to take it up a notch in both areas, weak and strong. It is a mistake to concentrate only on your weak points, lest your strong points become the weak, and vice-versa. Rather, work them all and make them all strong.
Wednesday night at work I was doing a G-run. We have new tires on the bed we use. They're bigger. I didn't realize it at the time so I did my normal "move like fucking hell" speed and I gained so much momentum I flipped the entire bed over and spilled trash all over the parking lot. Two girls were leaving TGI Fridays and came to help me. I was so flustered, though, that I didn't think of doing a little flirting/number exchange. *sigh* All the coworkers who saw that said I was given an oppurtunity and I just completely fucked it up. I lost my "whore" status at Red Lobster. I am so disappointed in myself. WHAT WAS I THINKING?! They were kinda hot, too.
Mind's Eye:
I was talking to a friend, who I will not name so as to keep it confidential. While I may expound upon MY life, I do not feel it my right to expound upon their personal life and give a name, but I feel I need to explain the situation. Maybe my writing here will give me some insight so I can give them some advise, which I feel I have lost my touch at as of late, the next time we talk.
They are at a low point in their life. They say they don't know what is happening to them, remember what they talked about before because now they don't say much of any revelance at all. They are depressed. I know why they are depressed, and I know it has to do with what they feel now. I don't know if I should broach that subject. But I fear if I don't, they could sink into a spot that I was once at. Become depressed for too long, and forget who you were, and feel you are no one because you can't accept you lost who you were and what you have become. I myself always denied that depressed person was me, but it was. I allowed it to happen. And that says a lot about who I was before that depression. Now that I'm out of it, I'm still the same person, in all technicality. I don't know how to explain it, but while I may act and feel different, a person, and who they are, is continuous like a river. Sure you can say a river has a real beginning and end, but if you stand by the shore of one at its center, it is a constant flow. Parts may be shallow, parts may be deep, but it's all the same river. I feel it's the same for a person. We've so many depths and currents to us, that we reach different parts because of different experiences, then we miss the bend of the river we were once at.
No, my friend didn't change. All that happened to them is an experience, one that turned them into the shallows with the jagged floor. It's just a new aspect to themself that they have yet to experience. But once they do and move on to who they once were or to a completely different current of themself, they'll feel all the more enlightened and more in control of their surroundings and their nature. I know I feel that way now. I feel it's my job to keep them from getting too close to the edge. They once did the same for me. And that I will never forget.