Rant recovery
So, yesterday's rant got it out of my system - rather like popping a big pus-filled pimple. Much better out than in. My apologies to anyone who was horrendously offended. Is it hypocrital of me to lose it in a scatter-shot fashion in writing, rather than talking quietly with the people in question? Probably. Sorry. But talking one-on-one hadn't been getting anywhere.
The post was also (with my permission) linked to and partially quoted on polyamory, and has had some very interesting responses. People who don't know me and a) don't hear my tone of voice when reading and b) don't know how rare it is for me to lose my shit had quite different perceptions from those who do. So some fascinating comments. Nice to see dialogue on what communication does and doesn't work. The post is here for any who are curious.
And thank you all for your hugs and comments as well.
Communication is theoretically a really easy thing. In my honours year I was tutoring 'Communication Principles & Practices' (a core paper that every degree student at Unitec is required to take), and I was asked more than a few times why it was required when people already communicate - they talk and listen and read and write every day. But there's talking and listening and reading and writing, and then there's talking and listening and reading and writing effectively, critically, appropriately, and with a greater chance of mutual understanding. Hopefully some of them had grokked that by the end of the semester.
As it is in the real world. The lists in yesterday's post of ways things can be said, and ways not to say things, won't work for everyone. But they work very well for me, and can work for most people, most of the time. Which is not to say you must do those things - but they can be handy to keep in mind.
Since yesterday's post I've talked with (either in person or online) every person that was deliberately targeted in my rant. Some took it well and some did not. But no one disagreed that I had a reason for it. So I guess it did what I intended - eased my frustration, and got my point across. Not necessarily the least offensive way, but effective.
And now I'm balanced again.
The post was also (with my permission) linked to and partially quoted on polyamory, and has had some very interesting responses. People who don't know me and a) don't hear my tone of voice when reading and b) don't know how rare it is for me to lose my shit had quite different perceptions from those who do. So some fascinating comments. Nice to see dialogue on what communication does and doesn't work. The post is here for any who are curious.
And thank you all for your hugs and comments as well.
Communication is theoretically a really easy thing. In my honours year I was tutoring 'Communication Principles & Practices' (a core paper that every degree student at Unitec is required to take), and I was asked more than a few times why it was required when people already communicate - they talk and listen and read and write every day. But there's talking and listening and reading and writing, and then there's talking and listening and reading and writing effectively, critically, appropriately, and with a greater chance of mutual understanding. Hopefully some of them had grokked that by the end of the semester.
As it is in the real world. The lists in yesterday's post of ways things can be said, and ways not to say things, won't work for everyone. But they work very well for me, and can work for most people, most of the time. Which is not to say you must do those things - but they can be handy to keep in mind.
Since yesterday's post I've talked with (either in person or online) every person that was deliberately targeted in my rant. Some took it well and some did not. But no one disagreed that I had a reason for it. So I guess it did what I intended - eased my frustration, and got my point across. Not necessarily the least offensive way, but effective.
And now I'm balanced again.