Holy S*** Ch. 1and 2
This is complete. It is posted at MW, clearly if anyone was reading it there they can't right now so I have decided to post it here. The fic is 108,000 words so it will take me a little while to do so.
Summary: Justin has moved to NYC, he and Brian are 10 years apart in age, Kinnetik exists.
I own nothing, the characters and canon ideas are all Cowlip's. This is a thought bunny that would not die, although he did take a bit of a break for awhile to go to grad school.
****unbeta'd. All errors are my own***
Holy S***
Chapter One
November 4, 2010
Justin
If you had asked me 7 years ago if I ever saw myself sitting on a soccer field watching
6 year olds play soccer; I probably would have fallen over laughing. Let alone asking if Brian would ever, EVER, coach a peewee girl’s soccer team. But here I sit at the ass crack of dawn (for me at least 9am is too early for a Saturday in November) watching my little one playing soccer, ok dominating her opponents, while being coached by her dad, yes Mr. Kinney himself. While it is firmly documented and recognized that the closest I have ever gotten to being athletic is watching the football team practice at Saint James Academy ( hell), Brian was a star soccer player in high school (all- city 4 years running) and went to Mellon on an academic/soccer scholarship. To say that even at 40 (39 Justin....) Brian is the picture of grace and beauty would be an understatement. He only seems to get better as time goes by!
But allow me to backtrack.
March 2003
Brian and I had canceled the wedding and I was all packed and ready to go, reluctant but ready, take the New York art scene by storm. The night before my flight we decided to spend some time at Britain, who knew when we would be there again. I think Brian sensed that I was beginning to doubt the wisdom of my move to NYC because he didn't even flinch when I took the lead for our “farewell fuck” (my man is eloquent). Needless to say I took the opportunity and ran with it. Brian knew that the best way to convince me that we would make it apart was to give him to me, and of course promise to visit every weekend! He had gotten past the whole saying “I love you” phobia pretty quickly after he said it the first time, and while he didn't say it often I heard it every time he said my name.
At Britin that night we promised each other we would never again let anything or anyone influence how we lead our lives. And so after 4 rounds of fucking, 2 trips to the shower, more foreplay than I can count and a heavy heart I set off the next day in a taxi with the promise that I would call when I landed and find a doctor right away and call the neurologist the doctor in Pittsburgh had recommended. I went about my merry way to New York, found a small apartment that “was not a roach resort” and had great light for painting. Brian had already helped me with a resume and I had a part-time job at an advertising agency in the art department. So I finally got to hang up my apron and bus bucket. Life was great!!!!
Brian
November 4, 2010
Here I am freezing my balls off watching a bunch of 6 year olds chase a soccer ball up and down the field, while their parents sit in lawn chairs cheering and sipping $5.00 lattes. How did I get here? An excellent question and one I often ask myself. I guess the answer is blond, blue eyed and a force of nature, in short (oops no pun intended, he's not short just “compact”) Justin Taylor.
June 2003
I just woke up with a pounding headache, feeling of lose and a sore ass. Shit why did I let the “twat” fuck me? Twice! I took my time rolling out of bed, enjoying the smell of Justin's pillow and our combine scents in the sheets. It was a beautiful day in West Virginia, but all I could think about was the weather in New York. We spoke every day and had great phone sex every night. Justin loved the agency I suggested he apply to and Kinnetik was gaining recognition all over the East Coast. I made my first trip to NYC a week later and saw the apartment Justin rented, the Park Plaza it’s not, it’s like Justin compact, sunny and a mess, he is a terrible slob when left to his own devices. We went to the park, checked in with Georgio and Muccia (Armani and Prada) much to Justin's disappointment and spent each of the 3 nights I was there in bed, in the shower, on the couch and once on the kitchen floor; the following day we went out and bought a rubber mat, one of those that is used behind cash registers, because my knees were sore all night long!
Everything went well I visited every weekend that I could, one time bringing Gus with me- thanks to the munchers realizing Gus and I needed each other more than any of us realized- on the weekend I flew up to get him in Toronto and then headed straight to NYC. We went on like this until early June when I had spent a week with Justin checking out galleries. It was great! But each morning I woke with a head ache, sore back and a strong desire to have ham and eggs with raisin toast or oatmeal and hot coco.
Justin teased me saying I was clearly eating for 2, little did he know, silly twink.
Chapter 2
August 2003
I thought at first maybe I had mono or something so I went to the doctor. The doctor did some blood tests, listened to my complaints and sat me down in his office. As I waited in his office I noticed that he had two different flip charts on a stand behind his desk. One made sense is was the Female Body during Pregnancy, the other made me want to run as fast as I could out of the room and back to bed in the loft where I was safe and sound. The second chart read: Pregnancy in Men-How does it work? Cleary the doctor had some 'splaining to do!
Enter Dr. Stenson
“Hello Brian”
“Hiya doc. So what’s the deal? Why do I feel like shit?”
Please let him say its mono
“Well Brian...why don't you come closer to the desk I want to show you something” said the doc carefully, “what do you know about male pregnancy?”
“What the fuck doc! Are you trying to tell me I have grown a twat!?”
That’s what I get for letting a twink into my life!
“In a manner of speaking...I guess so.” the doctor said, “Why don't we take a look at the flip chart. Male pregnancy is a relatively new occurrence in the medical world. Sure we've heard stories about men having babies but until recently there was no solid evidence to explain it.”
Well yippee; let’s hear it for the FUCKING medical community!!
“But in recent years a doctors in Zurich, Boston, London and Singapore have been doing a study to try and determine how it happens.” the doctor explained showing me picture of men in Switzerland, LA, Boston, London and Singapore who were pregnant.
“Ok, this is a bit much for me right now” shit I need a cigarette and a visit from my old buddy Jim Beam. “So let’s start with the basic. I assume since I am getting this lesson in male reproduction that I feel like shit and am craving food I would never eat that I am a member of that small percentage of men who can get knocked up!?”
“Yes, you are in the very unique position of being about 6 weeks pregnant, but all is going well and the baby is developing well.” the doctor said flipping the page to the one that diagrams the male reproductive organs.
HOLY SHIT !!!!
To say that I was not prepared for the next 3 and a half hours of my day is an understatement. The doctor went on to explain that there are a few men in the world, about 1%, who seem to have begun to develop a reproductive system.
“Why the hell is this happening?” I figure the more I know the better, especially since I will have to explain it all to Mr. 1500 on my SAT's.
“Possibly in response to the increase in chemicals in the water or simply the world continuing to change, men like you, are being born.” Dr. Stenson continued, flipping to the next chart that graphed the number of pregnancies in the study, location, environmental conditions, and mortality rates (OMG!!!). “But let's move on to the questions you may have so far.”
“Ok, How the fuck did this happen? I know how but why now? Do I have a monthly cycle or something?” that would explain the 2 days every month that I am a BITCH to be around and it will certainly give new meaning to Debbie's ranting about my moodiness.
“The simple answer is yes, you do have a monthly cycle. It is every 36 days or so and normally lasts 2-4 days. Men do not have a menstrual cycle per se. rather their dormant uterus expands a week before the cycle and releases a single egg that is stored at the top of the uterus, which remains in the uterus until the cycle begins.”
“Whoa! So are you telling me that I actual have a womb? Where? How does the sperm get there? How is it going to get out of me? Oh My God I need to lie down. How much weight am I going to gain?!”
“Brian lets go over here to the couch” he says as he guides me out of the chair and to the couch “do you want some water?”
“How about some Xanax?” I ask with a crooked smile, “Just kidding doc. no more drugs or booze for me huh?”
“Sorry, but no more drugs or booze. And you should stop smoking as soon as possible. The rate of children born with respiratory conditions is higher in parents who smoke” where is Justin when I need a PSA, “and you are going to have to start eating better. No more of the 'no carbs after 7' and cut back on the high impact exercise, cardio is ok but no heavy lifting.”
“Yeah I figured. Let’s get back to the HOW questions shall we.” I groan.
The doctor grab his flip chart, a bottle of water for me and a small note pad so I can make notes if I need to, my doctor knows me well, so I can fill Justin in on everything.
“Brian I am going to start at the beginning and stop me anytime, I have cleared my schedule for the afternoon. Let's start with the how can this possibly happen. Well, as a result of this genetic mutation (great queers are now mutations!) some men are born with a reproductive system similar to a woman’s, but without the vagina or fallopian tubes. These men have a small uterus that sits under the lungs and over the bladder and diaphragm, inside this uterus is a single ovary that holds about 150 eggs. Normally the uterus and ovary are very small. But for that 2 week period of time the uterus is enlarged, to the size of a pea, and lines itself with red blood cells. Fertilization takes place because there is a single tube that connects to the bowel near the rectum. During the week that the uterus is enlarged this tube is able to open (at the cervix) during orgasm and if sperm is in the rectum it can be absorbed.”
Ok am I the only one freaking out right now?
“But doc won't there be some contamination? I mean shit (literally)”
“Have you ever noticed that you have few if any bowel movements at least one week every month? That would be the week that you are fertile.”
Well that explains a lot!!!
“Your next question was....” he consults his notes, “oh yes.' how does it get out of me? Well believe it or not you are going to deliver it just like anybody else.”
“What the fuck!!!”
Ok I am now in full on Queen out I admit it
“Brian as your pregnancy progresses the cervix is going to close off in a sense, a mucus plug will develop to block the entrance to the womb. When it is about a week before you will deliver another plug is going to develop above the cervix to eliminate the chances of contamination during birth. ” Again I say HOLY SHIT, no way!!! “Don't panic Brian, your baby is going to be about 5 pounds at birth and your body is able to dilate to the necessary 10cm.”
“I need a minute; do you have a picture in that dandy chart?” I say finishing off my water like it was my last shot of Beam before the firing squad.
“No problem here you go. I am going to step out and get the names of some area Ob/GYN's who are trained in Male Pregnancy. I'll be back in about 15minutes.”
“Yeah, I'll be right here contemplating how my life went from nightly orgies to PTA meetings.” Fuck street lights, blond boys (ok done that), love, and the Fucking French condom company that advertises a 99% non-breakage record.
How the hell am I going to tell Justin? He just started chasing his dream and now I am going to make him give it up so he can come back to the Pitts and be a daddy. Maybe Mel is right and I am a selfish asshole, but all I want right now is to have Justin in my arms and have that feeling of safety and peace I have when I am with him.
Oh My God I have turned in to woman over night!!!!!
But then again he has been in the Big Apple since March and has already been invited to include several paintings in small galleries around the city so if things go well and he can make a name for himself and get an agent he will be able to work from home-yes Britin is home- and maybe even get to finish at PIFA. I know he regrets leaving school but after the whole Stockwell thing and following my lead to stand up for what you believe it was impossible for him to finish school, not only because the dean was a homophobic asshole, but because I didn't have the money for tuition and starting a new business. It had always been my dream to be my own boss; Stockwell just gave me the push I needed to do it earlier than I would have otherwise. Now that Stockwell is in prison PIFA has already let Justin know he is welcome to complete his degree.
So after the doctor returns with the names of doctor's specializing in Male Pregnancies thank him and head for the 'Vette. We are definitely going to have to get Justin a family car because I am so not giving up my car! As I drive back to the loft I think about how to tell Justin he is going to be a daddy.
Summary: Justin has moved to NYC, he and Brian are 10 years apart in age, Kinnetik exists.
I own nothing, the characters and canon ideas are all Cowlip's. This is a thought bunny that would not die, although he did take a bit of a break for awhile to go to grad school.
****unbeta'd. All errors are my own***
Holy S***
Chapter One
November 4, 2010
Justin
If you had asked me 7 years ago if I ever saw myself sitting on a soccer field watching
6 year olds play soccer; I probably would have fallen over laughing. Let alone asking if Brian would ever, EVER, coach a peewee girl’s soccer team. But here I sit at the ass crack of dawn (for me at least 9am is too early for a Saturday in November) watching my little one playing soccer, ok dominating her opponents, while being coached by her dad, yes Mr. Kinney himself. While it is firmly documented and recognized that the closest I have ever gotten to being athletic is watching the football team practice at Saint James Academy ( hell), Brian was a star soccer player in high school (all- city 4 years running) and went to Mellon on an academic/soccer scholarship. To say that even at 40 (39 Justin....) Brian is the picture of grace and beauty would be an understatement. He only seems to get better as time goes by!
But allow me to backtrack.
March 2003
Brian and I had canceled the wedding and I was all packed and ready to go, reluctant but ready, take the New York art scene by storm. The night before my flight we decided to spend some time at Britain, who knew when we would be there again. I think Brian sensed that I was beginning to doubt the wisdom of my move to NYC because he didn't even flinch when I took the lead for our “farewell fuck” (my man is eloquent). Needless to say I took the opportunity and ran with it. Brian knew that the best way to convince me that we would make it apart was to give him to me, and of course promise to visit every weekend! He had gotten past the whole saying “I love you” phobia pretty quickly after he said it the first time, and while he didn't say it often I heard it every time he said my name.
At Britin that night we promised each other we would never again let anything or anyone influence how we lead our lives. And so after 4 rounds of fucking, 2 trips to the shower, more foreplay than I can count and a heavy heart I set off the next day in a taxi with the promise that I would call when I landed and find a doctor right away and call the neurologist the doctor in Pittsburgh had recommended. I went about my merry way to New York, found a small apartment that “was not a roach resort” and had great light for painting. Brian had already helped me with a resume and I had a part-time job at an advertising agency in the art department. So I finally got to hang up my apron and bus bucket. Life was great!!!!
Brian
November 4, 2010
Here I am freezing my balls off watching a bunch of 6 year olds chase a soccer ball up and down the field, while their parents sit in lawn chairs cheering and sipping $5.00 lattes. How did I get here? An excellent question and one I often ask myself. I guess the answer is blond, blue eyed and a force of nature, in short (oops no pun intended, he's not short just “compact”) Justin Taylor.
June 2003
I just woke up with a pounding headache, feeling of lose and a sore ass. Shit why did I let the “twat” fuck me? Twice! I took my time rolling out of bed, enjoying the smell of Justin's pillow and our combine scents in the sheets. It was a beautiful day in West Virginia, but all I could think about was the weather in New York. We spoke every day and had great phone sex every night. Justin loved the agency I suggested he apply to and Kinnetik was gaining recognition all over the East Coast. I made my first trip to NYC a week later and saw the apartment Justin rented, the Park Plaza it’s not, it’s like Justin compact, sunny and a mess, he is a terrible slob when left to his own devices. We went to the park, checked in with Georgio and Muccia (Armani and Prada) much to Justin's disappointment and spent each of the 3 nights I was there in bed, in the shower, on the couch and once on the kitchen floor; the following day we went out and bought a rubber mat, one of those that is used behind cash registers, because my knees were sore all night long!
Everything went well I visited every weekend that I could, one time bringing Gus with me- thanks to the munchers realizing Gus and I needed each other more than any of us realized- on the weekend I flew up to get him in Toronto and then headed straight to NYC. We went on like this until early June when I had spent a week with Justin checking out galleries. It was great! But each morning I woke with a head ache, sore back and a strong desire to have ham and eggs with raisin toast or oatmeal and hot coco.
Justin teased me saying I was clearly eating for 2, little did he know, silly twink.
Chapter 2
August 2003
I thought at first maybe I had mono or something so I went to the doctor. The doctor did some blood tests, listened to my complaints and sat me down in his office. As I waited in his office I noticed that he had two different flip charts on a stand behind his desk. One made sense is was the Female Body during Pregnancy, the other made me want to run as fast as I could out of the room and back to bed in the loft where I was safe and sound. The second chart read: Pregnancy in Men-How does it work? Cleary the doctor had some 'splaining to do!
Enter Dr. Stenson
“Hello Brian”
“Hiya doc. So what’s the deal? Why do I feel like shit?”
Please let him say its mono
“Well Brian...why don't you come closer to the desk I want to show you something” said the doc carefully, “what do you know about male pregnancy?”
“What the fuck doc! Are you trying to tell me I have grown a twat!?”
That’s what I get for letting a twink into my life!
“In a manner of speaking...I guess so.” the doctor said, “Why don't we take a look at the flip chart. Male pregnancy is a relatively new occurrence in the medical world. Sure we've heard stories about men having babies but until recently there was no solid evidence to explain it.”
Well yippee; let’s hear it for the FUCKING medical community!!
“But in recent years a doctors in Zurich, Boston, London and Singapore have been doing a study to try and determine how it happens.” the doctor explained showing me picture of men in Switzerland, LA, Boston, London and Singapore who were pregnant.
“Ok, this is a bit much for me right now” shit I need a cigarette and a visit from my old buddy Jim Beam. “So let’s start with the basic. I assume since I am getting this lesson in male reproduction that I feel like shit and am craving food I would never eat that I am a member of that small percentage of men who can get knocked up!?”
“Yes, you are in the very unique position of being about 6 weeks pregnant, but all is going well and the baby is developing well.” the doctor said flipping the page to the one that diagrams the male reproductive organs.
HOLY SHIT !!!!
To say that I was not prepared for the next 3 and a half hours of my day is an understatement. The doctor went on to explain that there are a few men in the world, about 1%, who seem to have begun to develop a reproductive system.
“Why the hell is this happening?” I figure the more I know the better, especially since I will have to explain it all to Mr. 1500 on my SAT's.
“Possibly in response to the increase in chemicals in the water or simply the world continuing to change, men like you, are being born.” Dr. Stenson continued, flipping to the next chart that graphed the number of pregnancies in the study, location, environmental conditions, and mortality rates (OMG!!!). “But let's move on to the questions you may have so far.”
“Ok, How the fuck did this happen? I know how but why now? Do I have a monthly cycle or something?” that would explain the 2 days every month that I am a BITCH to be around and it will certainly give new meaning to Debbie's ranting about my moodiness.
“The simple answer is yes, you do have a monthly cycle. It is every 36 days or so and normally lasts 2-4 days. Men do not have a menstrual cycle per se. rather their dormant uterus expands a week before the cycle and releases a single egg that is stored at the top of the uterus, which remains in the uterus until the cycle begins.”
“Whoa! So are you telling me that I actual have a womb? Where? How does the sperm get there? How is it going to get out of me? Oh My God I need to lie down. How much weight am I going to gain?!”
“Brian lets go over here to the couch” he says as he guides me out of the chair and to the couch “do you want some water?”
“How about some Xanax?” I ask with a crooked smile, “Just kidding doc. no more drugs or booze for me huh?”
“Sorry, but no more drugs or booze. And you should stop smoking as soon as possible. The rate of children born with respiratory conditions is higher in parents who smoke” where is Justin when I need a PSA, “and you are going to have to start eating better. No more of the 'no carbs after 7' and cut back on the high impact exercise, cardio is ok but no heavy lifting.”
“Yeah I figured. Let’s get back to the HOW questions shall we.” I groan.
The doctor grab his flip chart, a bottle of water for me and a small note pad so I can make notes if I need to, my doctor knows me well, so I can fill Justin in on everything.
“Brian I am going to start at the beginning and stop me anytime, I have cleared my schedule for the afternoon. Let's start with the how can this possibly happen. Well, as a result of this genetic mutation (great queers are now mutations!) some men are born with a reproductive system similar to a woman’s, but without the vagina or fallopian tubes. These men have a small uterus that sits under the lungs and over the bladder and diaphragm, inside this uterus is a single ovary that holds about 150 eggs. Normally the uterus and ovary are very small. But for that 2 week period of time the uterus is enlarged, to the size of a pea, and lines itself with red blood cells. Fertilization takes place because there is a single tube that connects to the bowel near the rectum. During the week that the uterus is enlarged this tube is able to open (at the cervix) during orgasm and if sperm is in the rectum it can be absorbed.”
Ok am I the only one freaking out right now?
“But doc won't there be some contamination? I mean shit (literally)”
“Have you ever noticed that you have few if any bowel movements at least one week every month? That would be the week that you are fertile.”
Well that explains a lot!!!
“Your next question was....” he consults his notes, “oh yes.' how does it get out of me? Well believe it or not you are going to deliver it just like anybody else.”
“What the fuck!!!”
Ok I am now in full on Queen out I admit it
“Brian as your pregnancy progresses the cervix is going to close off in a sense, a mucus plug will develop to block the entrance to the womb. When it is about a week before you will deliver another plug is going to develop above the cervix to eliminate the chances of contamination during birth. ” Again I say HOLY SHIT, no way!!! “Don't panic Brian, your baby is going to be about 5 pounds at birth and your body is able to dilate to the necessary 10cm.”
“I need a minute; do you have a picture in that dandy chart?” I say finishing off my water like it was my last shot of Beam before the firing squad.
“No problem here you go. I am going to step out and get the names of some area Ob/GYN's who are trained in Male Pregnancy. I'll be back in about 15minutes.”
“Yeah, I'll be right here contemplating how my life went from nightly orgies to PTA meetings.” Fuck street lights, blond boys (ok done that), love, and the Fucking French condom company that advertises a 99% non-breakage record.
How the hell am I going to tell Justin? He just started chasing his dream and now I am going to make him give it up so he can come back to the Pitts and be a daddy. Maybe Mel is right and I am a selfish asshole, but all I want right now is to have Justin in my arms and have that feeling of safety and peace I have when I am with him.
Oh My God I have turned in to woman over night!!!!!
But then again he has been in the Big Apple since March and has already been invited to include several paintings in small galleries around the city so if things go well and he can make a name for himself and get an agent he will be able to work from home-yes Britin is home- and maybe even get to finish at PIFA. I know he regrets leaving school but after the whole Stockwell thing and following my lead to stand up for what you believe it was impossible for him to finish school, not only because the dean was a homophobic asshole, but because I didn't have the money for tuition and starting a new business. It had always been my dream to be my own boss; Stockwell just gave me the push I needed to do it earlier than I would have otherwise. Now that Stockwell is in prison PIFA has already let Justin know he is welcome to complete his degree.
So after the doctor returns with the names of doctor's specializing in Male Pregnancies thank him and head for the 'Vette. We are definitely going to have to get Justin a family car because I am so not giving up my car! As I drive back to the loft I think about how to tell Justin he is going to be a daddy.