A Spike Fic
I wrote this some time ago, but never finished it until I had a quiet shift on Saturday evening (shh, don't tell the NHS they were paying me to write Spike!)
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ALWAYS THE HEART
I knew it would be something like this. As soon as I saw the shiny trinket and put it around my neck, it rested on my chest. Now, with the light pouring out of me, I knew that my destiny was being fulfilled … my heart was causing my final demise.
It burns.
It stings.
Yet, in causing me pain, the bad guys are dying and I’m saving the world. I still like this world, and it is certainly worth dying for. More important than the world are the people, who are no longer “happy meals”, but individuals whose lives are worth saving.
In addition, then there’s Buffy. The girl I hurt, the one I couldn’t save last time. This time she gets to live. She is going to have a future, the one she has always yearned for.
They say that your life flashes past your eyes as you near your final moments. So true.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
The pain and the joy, but especially the heartbreak.
Over one hundred years of pain focussed around my heart. Just one small part of the body, yet the most important piece of all.
I’d only been young when my father died. The doctor had said that his heart had just stopped, and in doing so, it had broken mother’s heart. The beating of the heart is what keeps us alive, but other people can seriously injure that organ, yet leave us alive to suffer. Cecily had broken my heart, so that I’d run away, and in retreat, had lost my own heartbeat and left it even more vulnerable. One stake, well placed, and I would be gone.
It’s true that I had never felt as alive as when I died. Unlife is great; everything so bright and clear.
My dark princess had opened up an amazing future for me, although sadly she never felt the same. My unbeating heart was broken, but I learned to accept that even though I would never be her number one, she was fond of me, and that was something special to treasure.
As a vampire there was little to fear in the world, except one piece of wood slammed through my heart. Angelus said I should be worried about meeting a slayer, but I was no more vulnerable fighting her than in the many arguments with my Grandsire. Slayers are the one girl designed to kill me. They’re trained to triumph, so a battle against a champion is challenging, and to win would be something to be proud of.
I had never received any special recognition whilst alive, so the two trophies I received from my two worthiest opponents are distinctive. I now carry the mark of the cross on my face and get to wear a stylish leather coat. Those two slayers died in a fair fight, one that they could have won if luck had been on their side.
Pride in the death of slayers was something that was special. It was unique to me. It didn’t mean much to my Aurelian family, but to vampires in general it made me a force to be reckoned with.
Slayers are special. So, why shouldn’t I be proud?
Slayers are special. I have spent time with two of them recently. One of those, the most special of all, has left me with the biggest scar of all.
Scars are not always visible, like the one left on me by first slayer. Some are deep, painful and hidden. That’s the scar I now carry; a heart that’s bruised, broken and slowly healing over. In some ways I can say that my heart is no longer mine, so the damage is immaterial. However, these last few weeks have brought me a measure of peace and comfort. Maybe for the first time ever I have learnt what it is like to be cared for. A few moments of peace within a century of pain are so important. Buffy still has my heart, but maybe I have a corner of hers in return.
And, so I stand and allow the amulet to take charge of my heart. This time I know why I am allowing my heart to be shattered. It’s all for her. To give her the life she so deserves.
Maybe when the vampires are all dead, and the Hellmouth sealed, I will finally get to rest in peace.
ALWAYS THE HEART
I knew it would be something like this. As soon as I saw the shiny trinket and put it around my neck, it rested on my chest. Now, with the light pouring out of me, I knew that my destiny was being fulfilled … my heart was causing my final demise.
It burns.
It stings.
Yet, in causing me pain, the bad guys are dying and I’m saving the world. I still like this world, and it is certainly worth dying for. More important than the world are the people, who are no longer “happy meals”, but individuals whose lives are worth saving.
In addition, then there’s Buffy. The girl I hurt, the one I couldn’t save last time. This time she gets to live. She is going to have a future, the one she has always yearned for.
They say that your life flashes past your eyes as you near your final moments. So true.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
The pain and the joy, but especially the heartbreak.
Over one hundred years of pain focussed around my heart. Just one small part of the body, yet the most important piece of all.
I’d only been young when my father died. The doctor had said that his heart had just stopped, and in doing so, it had broken mother’s heart. The beating of the heart is what keeps us alive, but other people can seriously injure that organ, yet leave us alive to suffer. Cecily had broken my heart, so that I’d run away, and in retreat, had lost my own heartbeat and left it even more vulnerable. One stake, well placed, and I would be gone.
It’s true that I had never felt as alive as when I died. Unlife is great; everything so bright and clear.
My dark princess had opened up an amazing future for me, although sadly she never felt the same. My unbeating heart was broken, but I learned to accept that even though I would never be her number one, she was fond of me, and that was something special to treasure.
As a vampire there was little to fear in the world, except one piece of wood slammed through my heart. Angelus said I should be worried about meeting a slayer, but I was no more vulnerable fighting her than in the many arguments with my Grandsire. Slayers are the one girl designed to kill me. They’re trained to triumph, so a battle against a champion is challenging, and to win would be something to be proud of.
I had never received any special recognition whilst alive, so the two trophies I received from my two worthiest opponents are distinctive. I now carry the mark of the cross on my face and get to wear a stylish leather coat. Those two slayers died in a fair fight, one that they could have won if luck had been on their side.
Pride in the death of slayers was something that was special. It was unique to me. It didn’t mean much to my Aurelian family, but to vampires in general it made me a force to be reckoned with.
Slayers are special. So, why shouldn’t I be proud?
Slayers are special. I have spent time with two of them recently. One of those, the most special of all, has left me with the biggest scar of all.
Scars are not always visible, like the one left on me by first slayer. Some are deep, painful and hidden. That’s the scar I now carry; a heart that’s bruised, broken and slowly healing over. In some ways I can say that my heart is no longer mine, so the damage is immaterial. However, these last few weeks have brought me a measure of peace and comfort. Maybe for the first time ever I have learnt what it is like to be cared for. A few moments of peace within a century of pain are so important. Buffy still has my heart, but maybe I have a corner of hers in return.
And, so I stand and allow the amulet to take charge of my heart. This time I know why I am allowing my heart to be shattered. It’s all for her. To give her the life she so deserves.
Maybe when the vampires are all dead, and the Hellmouth sealed, I will finally get to rest in peace.