(no subject)

[debo17]

April was the last time i posted in this thing. Last april i was desperately in love with a boy that was desperately in love with me about 6 months before that. Once he realized i was just as in love with him as he wanted me to be, his fantasy was fulfilled and I was rendered useless and at the mercy of when he was going to dump me. about a month later that happened. and like all break ups they are sad and filled with about a week of hopeless crying, wimpering, ice cream and moulin rouge. it being january of 2008 i have been broken and rebuilt in more ways than one. since then ive attempted to re-kindle a dwindling friendship with zach. that goes up and down on a daily basis. but i have a feeling that will be the case for the rest of our lives. i went on a roadtrip to san francisco to visit one of my best friends, david gale, and a wonderful friendship with sagi was sparked. visiting david gale was the first road trip id been on without my parents and it was the first taste i had of realizing that the valley is no longer for me. several months later i flew to chicago to visit the most wonderful person in my life, lee. lee is the reason i have an ounce of sanity and its a strangely mutual feeling. sometimes lee ventures to media darkness for a few days, but regardless i write to him everyday and emails from him brighten my day. i took new years as the opportunity to tell him how i felt about him and get it off my chest so that our friendship can flourish without having an awkward hopefullness of romanticism. things truly are better this way. this way we'll always be able to think of each other as being wonderful without being jaded by romance. thank you for being so wonderful, lee. ive met a group of people which i hope to cling to for dear life for a while. especially david gale, ari and lisha. they are the kind of people you can sit in silence with and it. david, lisha and i are even toying with the idea of opening a bakery. that would be such great fun. im a little overwhelmed by the daunting amount of work, but it would be great if we could pull it off. its at least worth a shot. ive jumped into the world of writing. im incredibly inexperienced, i dont have correct form, to say my vocabulary is lacking is an understatement, but i'm trying anyway because it makes me feel damn good. im finding my music again, my fingers have been rusty but they're making a comeback and ive discovered a new love for painting.
last april i felt like my life was complete. and then it fell apart.
and im feeling complete again. life rebuilds itself even when it seems like it shouldnt.
the moral of the story is...grady, go fuck yourself. zach, sigh. david gale, lisha, ari, and lee...you have saved me.