Babies Help Fading Celebrities Regain Limelight
HOLLYWOOD - Once, Mariah Jason was a star so bright, even Albert Einstein looked dim by comparison.
But even today’s hottest stars may one day see their careers erupt like a volcano, then stagnate. When that happens, all the extravagant perks of wealth - the gorgeous designer butt lift, the obscure royal spouse, the fabulous goodie bags of corporate logo mouse pads - can all be gone in an instant. Just one unlucky nail break and fans split faster than stocks in Nigeria.
What to do? “Everyone knows that the right accessory can make or break an outfit, and babies are definitely ‘must have’ right now” says Mariah, sporting an adorable newborn of undetermined sex in a transgender-sensitive green and yellow fabric scheme.
“Lee here is just such a model little baby. Whenever I’m not mentioned on “Entertainment Tonight” for more than three days in a row, I just put on my largest sunglasses, take Lee and the stroller for a run in the park, and then pretend to be harassed by all the paparazzi that I stalk. Once they realize I have a baby with me, they try to protect it by taking our picture and hope I don’t hang Lee out a window like Michael Jackson did with his son.”
But it’s not just a quest for fame that entices fading stars to become pregnant - money is a huge factor too. For example, Advertising Age reported on its web site Monday that a certain major pop star and her loser Svengali baby daddy were negotiating with People to be paid as much as $6 million for exclusive photo rights at the birth of their future heirs. The event would be the culmination of a year-long reality series which began with the couple’s honeymoon sex tapes.
Motherhood has been a successful strategy for convincing the public that celebrities like Angelina Jolie and Madonna are ‘ordinary women’ who just happen to have the combined net worth of all the nations from whom they have adopted children.
The strategy, while increasingly common, can draw criticism when taken too far. Says Fashion Daily reporter Steven Hatz, “Just look at JLo these days, expecting twins. She has not one, but two baby bumps. Is this really necessary? That’s just overkill.”
Intense media pressure has even led one star to allegedly fake her own pregnancy. Said web blogger Derek Masterson, "Last week, I thought for sure that Jennifer Garnier was pregnant with her second child, but it turns out she just had a hamburger for lunch."