Do the Right Thing
I have a secret: I was a Philosophy major. This dismays papertigers somewhat, but by the time she found out, it was too late for her.
One of the more interesting aspects of Pragmatism (the area of Philosophy I specialized in) is the moral basis of the universe, as laid out by William James. According to James, the moral action is the action that satisfies the maximum number of demands. I'm not going to do an analysis of this here; suffice it to say that, for James, if I were the only being in the universe, what I wanted would be right. If there were three beings in the universe, what two wanted would be right. If you posit God, then what God wants is right, as his demands are the underpinning of all other demands. This is much simplified, but you get the idea.
The older I get, the more this makes sense to me. However, I would add this caveat: there can be no real satisfaction of our demands that doesn't also satisfy God's demands. God created us to be happy, in fact, joyful. Our well-being is very, very, very important to God. We can all agree that joy is different from, and deeper than, pleasure or fun. Joy is an underpinning to everything, good and bad, that happens in life; it's the source of hope, compassion, gentleness, and pleasure and fun are the purer for being allied with joy.
Jesus said that good people, moral people, bear good fruits, and this is how we can know someone who speaks falsely from someone who speaks the truth. I think that good actions, moral actions, also bear good fruits. The moral nature of the universe is that bad actions have bad consequences. Good parents, rather than being punitive, allow their children to understand that actions have consequences in their lives and the lives of others because the foundation for a good life for the child lies in the child's understanding the consequences of his or her actions. This is how children develop empathy, the ability to be and make friends, and the strength to stand up for and help others.
Likewise, the happiest children are children with clear boundaries, who are disciplined. These children live in a coherent, even moral, universe, one in which actions and consequences are predictable, and in which they (through discipline and self-discipline) have the freedom to truly be themselves. God, however, does not treat us like children, even when that's what we want. He does not create a system of consequences for our individual actions the way a parent must. The universe is already established; the natural consequences already inhere to it. Instead, God calls us friends (John 15), and treats us as friends. A friend gives sage advice, listens, forgives, is hurt by our actions and comes back to help us anyway. A friend will tell us what he or she thinks when we ask, but allows us to follow or not follow the advice we're given. A friend allows us to be adults, to take responsibility for our actions and their consequences, and rejoices when we develop in ways that are good, which are ultimately ways that make us truly happy.
There is no difference, no separation between a person's happiness and God's happiness.
False prophets come, and by their fruits you know them. The fruit of a moral act is freedom, truth, joy, but the fruit of an immoral act is concealment, misery, and death. And now it is important for me to talk about my own life.
When I was trying to stay in the closet (and, like many gay people, I've been in and out a bit), I did a lot of lying, a lot of crying, and I was afraid all the time. Not most of the time or much of the time, in my anxious little way, but deeply afraid, all the time. Truth beats lies every time. Every step out of the closet is a little more truth you get to tell; every little bit of truth, though telling it may be initially painful, is a lot more joy you get to keep. Your whole world opens up. Your life expands. You are no longer afraid that you'll be given away by the way you walk, the books you read, the way you bend over to sniff a flower. I wasn't even aware that these things were causing me so much pain and anxiety until that anxiety was suddenly gone.
One of the best things about my wife (whom I met long after I had shut the closet door - well, most of the way) is that she encourages me to tell the truth and be true to myself every day, in every area of my life. That's been a real struggle for me. I was being called a dyke by the time I was nine; I was an accomplished liar by age ten, and I was just as adept at lying to myself as to others. Because I am so good at concealing things from myself, I sometimes have a really hard time with the truth. She is like a good pair of glasses; she helps me see what is true, and supports me in telling the truth. My life is more joyful for her presence in my life. Those are some of the fruits of my marriage.
This is why it is such a profound abuse, not only of children, but of the name of Jesus, when Christian churches try to put being gay on the outside of the moral fence. The mildest of the fruits are these: gay children learn young to be liars who hate themselves and feel cut off from the love of God. Parents tell their children that they love them "no matter what" and "unconditionally," but the "nice" Orthodox parents of one of my friends (we grew up in the same parish) threw her out for having a gay magazine in her room when she was 15. If she were a straight kid, she'd have been perfect in their eyes: a straight-A student who wasn't doing drugs, having sex, or staying out all night, who did her homework, went to church, and took care of her younger siblings. She is, in addition to this, a gentle soul and a bit innocent in her way. (She's also my godsister.)
This isn't uncommon. Kids are told at church and at the dinner table that gay people are pathetic sinners at best, completely immoral and depraved at worst, from a very early age. Gay children often know very young, not that they are gay, but that there is something about them that the adults find unacceptable. Other kids figure it out, too, and torturing gay and (simply) gender-nonconforming kids is one of the kinds of bullying that adults will make excuses for. I've heard adults who were friends of mine do it, and be shocked and surprised that I read it as homophobic.
As a result of the works of people who say that they are condemning homosexuality because Jesus wants them to, gay children commit suicide at a stunningly high rate, as do gay adults. Kids as young as 11 or 12 are thrown out of their homes and beaten by their "Christian" parents. As adults, many gay people feel that God does not want them, or that he doesn't exist, or that he hates them. Many spent years trying to change, hoping to change, praying to change, and when it didn't happen (because it doesn't), they lost their trust in God. In some social circles, it's common for gay people to marry, not for love, but because the idea doesn't disgust them and it's what is expected of them. This leads to people betraying their spouses, treating their children badly, and breaking up their families. On occasion, people discard all morality, since it seems to have no basis anymore. Gay people feel deeply disenfranchised, deeply unlovable, and have a lot of trouble learning to love others or treat them well until after they come out (and sometimes long after). These are the fruits of discrimination in the churches.
In this Lenten season, I give thanks for a community that loves me, a wife who supports me, and a God who has never failed me, but I wish that I felt less under seige from people who claim to know what God wants for me.
One of the more interesting aspects of Pragmatism (the area of Philosophy I specialized in) is the moral basis of the universe, as laid out by William James. According to James, the moral action is the action that satisfies the maximum number of demands. I'm not going to do an analysis of this here; suffice it to say that, for James, if I were the only being in the universe, what I wanted would be right. If there were three beings in the universe, what two wanted would be right. If you posit God, then what God wants is right, as his demands are the underpinning of all other demands. This is much simplified, but you get the idea.
The older I get, the more this makes sense to me. However, I would add this caveat: there can be no real satisfaction of our demands that doesn't also satisfy God's demands. God created us to be happy, in fact, joyful. Our well-being is very, very, very important to God. We can all agree that joy is different from, and deeper than, pleasure or fun. Joy is an underpinning to everything, good and bad, that happens in life; it's the source of hope, compassion, gentleness, and pleasure and fun are the purer for being allied with joy.
Jesus said that good people, moral people, bear good fruits, and this is how we can know someone who speaks falsely from someone who speaks the truth. I think that good actions, moral actions, also bear good fruits. The moral nature of the universe is that bad actions have bad consequences. Good parents, rather than being punitive, allow their children to understand that actions have consequences in their lives and the lives of others because the foundation for a good life for the child lies in the child's understanding the consequences of his or her actions. This is how children develop empathy, the ability to be and make friends, and the strength to stand up for and help others.
Likewise, the happiest children are children with clear boundaries, who are disciplined. These children live in a coherent, even moral, universe, one in which actions and consequences are predictable, and in which they (through discipline and self-discipline) have the freedom to truly be themselves. God, however, does not treat us like children, even when that's what we want. He does not create a system of consequences for our individual actions the way a parent must. The universe is already established; the natural consequences already inhere to it. Instead, God calls us friends (John 15), and treats us as friends. A friend gives sage advice, listens, forgives, is hurt by our actions and comes back to help us anyway. A friend will tell us what he or she thinks when we ask, but allows us to follow or not follow the advice we're given. A friend allows us to be adults, to take responsibility for our actions and their consequences, and rejoices when we develop in ways that are good, which are ultimately ways that make us truly happy.
There is no difference, no separation between a person's happiness and God's happiness.
False prophets come, and by their fruits you know them. The fruit of a moral act is freedom, truth, joy, but the fruit of an immoral act is concealment, misery, and death. And now it is important for me to talk about my own life.
When I was trying to stay in the closet (and, like many gay people, I've been in and out a bit), I did a lot of lying, a lot of crying, and I was afraid all the time. Not most of the time or much of the time, in my anxious little way, but deeply afraid, all the time. Truth beats lies every time. Every step out of the closet is a little more truth you get to tell; every little bit of truth, though telling it may be initially painful, is a lot more joy you get to keep. Your whole world opens up. Your life expands. You are no longer afraid that you'll be given away by the way you walk, the books you read, the way you bend over to sniff a flower. I wasn't even aware that these things were causing me so much pain and anxiety until that anxiety was suddenly gone.
One of the best things about my wife (whom I met long after I had shut the closet door - well, most of the way) is that she encourages me to tell the truth and be true to myself every day, in every area of my life. That's been a real struggle for me. I was being called a dyke by the time I was nine; I was an accomplished liar by age ten, and I was just as adept at lying to myself as to others. Because I am so good at concealing things from myself, I sometimes have a really hard time with the truth. She is like a good pair of glasses; she helps me see what is true, and supports me in telling the truth. My life is more joyful for her presence in my life. Those are some of the fruits of my marriage.
This is why it is such a profound abuse, not only of children, but of the name of Jesus, when Christian churches try to put being gay on the outside of the moral fence. The mildest of the fruits are these: gay children learn young to be liars who hate themselves and feel cut off from the love of God. Parents tell their children that they love them "no matter what" and "unconditionally," but the "nice" Orthodox parents of one of my friends (we grew up in the same parish) threw her out for having a gay magazine in her room when she was 15. If she were a straight kid, she'd have been perfect in their eyes: a straight-A student who wasn't doing drugs, having sex, or staying out all night, who did her homework, went to church, and took care of her younger siblings. She is, in addition to this, a gentle soul and a bit innocent in her way. (She's also my godsister.)
This isn't uncommon. Kids are told at church and at the dinner table that gay people are pathetic sinners at best, completely immoral and depraved at worst, from a very early age. Gay children often know very young, not that they are gay, but that there is something about them that the adults find unacceptable. Other kids figure it out, too, and torturing gay and (simply) gender-nonconforming kids is one of the kinds of bullying that adults will make excuses for. I've heard adults who were friends of mine do it, and be shocked and surprised that I read it as homophobic.
As a result of the works of people who say that they are condemning homosexuality because Jesus wants them to, gay children commit suicide at a stunningly high rate, as do gay adults. Kids as young as 11 or 12 are thrown out of their homes and beaten by their "Christian" parents. As adults, many gay people feel that God does not want them, or that he doesn't exist, or that he hates them. Many spent years trying to change, hoping to change, praying to change, and when it didn't happen (because it doesn't), they lost their trust in God. In some social circles, it's common for gay people to marry, not for love, but because the idea doesn't disgust them and it's what is expected of them. This leads to people betraying their spouses, treating their children badly, and breaking up their families. On occasion, people discard all morality, since it seems to have no basis anymore. Gay people feel deeply disenfranchised, deeply unlovable, and have a lot of trouble learning to love others or treat them well until after they come out (and sometimes long after). These are the fruits of discrimination in the churches.
In this Lenten season, I give thanks for a community that loves me, a wife who supports me, and a God who has never failed me, but I wish that I felt less under seige from people who claim to know what God wants for me.