Ode to the Internet
NOTE: I know this poem is atrocious. Tis part of the point.
WARNING: I think I might have actually tried to say something real here by accident. Sorry for that.
Ode to the Internet
Once upon a time,
In another time and space,
I was a happy little clicker
Until I found MySpace.
MySpace gave me fun;
It brought a lot of joy.
And then it brought some horny guys--
No longer just a toy.
So I deleted that MySpace--
It just wasn't for me--
And crawled back to the forums
Where I thought I ought to be.
But something wasn't right there;
It just wasn't the same.
The friendly vibe had come and gone.
There was a whole new game.
Debates were now assaults;
Assaults were now okay.
There were no grammar rules,
Only OMG! WTF! acronym play.
I ran screaming from those forums
(Bad spelling I cannot accept).
My dumb ass went to fanfiction.net
Where the writers are inept.
I stumbled through the stories.
I was desperate for some fun.
I found nothing to sate my need.
To LiveJournal I must run.
Now I am at LiveJournal.
I have a Facebook page,
A Tumblr, and a Twitter, too,
All of which cause me rage.
What happened to you, Internet?
You're not the friend I used to know.
Instead of just porn and horny threats
Your bad seeds seem to grow.
Everyone is now an authority.
No one sees eye to eye.
We are all very important
Though no one seems to try.
"Wikipedia is the devil,"
That's what my professors say.
And we all need networked
If with our friends we want to play.
Cyber-bullying is the thing--
No longer a face to a name.
I am a virtual person
And the rest are all the same.
But once upon a time,
In another time and place,
I used the telephone
And met my friends face to face.
We did not have this texting.
AIM was dinosaur slow.
My telephone line got held up
If on the Internet I was to go.
It crackled and beeped when I connected.
Dial-up was not my friend.
Photos took ten minutes to load
And then the Internet session would end.
Music videos were on TV--
I had to watch it to catch them.
YouTube was just a fantastical dream
That could never really happen.
Albums were bought in stores.
Books were bought there, too.
I had to carry floppy discs
To print a document or two.
Now the Internet is soiled
With a lot of human waste.
People fighting over everything
From politics to personal taste.
I don't want to watch your webshow;
You're acting is very bad.
I'm not interested in poor stories;
There are good books out there to be had.
I like my books with paper.
I like my music in hard copy.
I like my tv fictional.
I don't like my iTunes sloppy.
Please stop with your updates--
Make it right the first time!
Please stop with the social networking--
You have driven me to rhyme!
The future is uncertain,
I think that's safe to say,
But I am becoming worried
With each passing day.
I am not a virtual person.
Nor are all the rest.
And I think we need to remember that--
I think its for the best.
WARNING: I think I might have actually tried to say something real here by accident. Sorry for that.
Ode to the Internet
Once upon a time,
In another time and space,
I was a happy little clicker
Until I found MySpace.
MySpace gave me fun;
It brought a lot of joy.
And then it brought some horny guys--
No longer just a toy.
So I deleted that MySpace--
It just wasn't for me--
And crawled back to the forums
Where I thought I ought to be.
But something wasn't right there;
It just wasn't the same.
The friendly vibe had come and gone.
There was a whole new game.
Debates were now assaults;
Assaults were now okay.
There were no grammar rules,
Only OMG! WTF! acronym play.
I ran screaming from those forums
(Bad spelling I cannot accept).
My dumb ass went to fanfiction.net
Where the writers are inept.
I stumbled through the stories.
I was desperate for some fun.
I found nothing to sate my need.
To LiveJournal I must run.
Now I am at LiveJournal.
I have a Facebook page,
A Tumblr, and a Twitter, too,
All of which cause me rage.
What happened to you, Internet?
You're not the friend I used to know.
Instead of just porn and horny threats
Your bad seeds seem to grow.
Everyone is now an authority.
No one sees eye to eye.
We are all very important
Though no one seems to try.
"Wikipedia is the devil,"
That's what my professors say.
And we all need networked
If with our friends we want to play.
Cyber-bullying is the thing--
No longer a face to a name.
I am a virtual person
And the rest are all the same.
But once upon a time,
In another time and place,
I used the telephone
And met my friends face to face.
We did not have this texting.
AIM was dinosaur slow.
My telephone line got held up
If on the Internet I was to go.
It crackled and beeped when I connected.
Dial-up was not my friend.
Photos took ten minutes to load
And then the Internet session would end.
Music videos were on TV--
I had to watch it to catch them.
YouTube was just a fantastical dream
That could never really happen.
Albums were bought in stores.
Books were bought there, too.
I had to carry floppy discs
To print a document or two.
Now the Internet is soiled
With a lot of human waste.
People fighting over everything
From politics to personal taste.
I don't want to watch your webshow;
You're acting is very bad.
I'm not interested in poor stories;
There are good books out there to be had.
I like my books with paper.
I like my music in hard copy.
I like my tv fictional.
I don't like my iTunes sloppy.
Please stop with your updates--
Make it right the first time!
Please stop with the social networking--
You have driven me to rhyme!
The future is uncertain,
I think that's safe to say,
But I am becoming worried
With each passing day.
I am not a virtual person.
Nor are all the rest.
And I think we need to remember that--
I think its for the best.