sometimes shit comes out of my mouth
When I am weepy and sad and feeling really blue shit comes out my mouth among the tears. Often when I am like this - the what purpose do I serve and is this all there is - I cry in my beer boohooing and po' wee me myself.
Because there is not a dominant in my personal space intimately, I really get into a "there is no one for me" and "there are no more dominants around" and verbalize this. To those I may offend, I really am sorry. I have some very special people that I know and love that are very much dominant, in control of themselves and some have others that they are in control of. I know several people / dominants that are honorable, respectable and respected, honest, have integrity, strength, and are not predators or have a need to herd all the new ones in to the I want to be a "mentor with benefits" for them.
But honestly I am very disheartened and this has been going on for a while. I am going to be 55 this year - is this all it is going to be? Sometimes I just wish...............well you know how I am if you have known me at all for the last 10 years. I get very weepy when I think of all the people around me now that are 'new' to RSVP or 'new' to the New Orleans scene and never have seen me "submissive", have never seen me with a man or dominant, or knew that I have been collared and loved and released.
I get called ma'am more often all the time and it isn't just because I am old.
There have been very few that tweak the entire encompass of me being submissive (like sexually inside and out or even feeling sexy). There are only a few that are still in the scene, still in my life, very few still in the greater Baton Rouge or New Orleans area, and a few that remain 'dominant' through the 10 years. Its depressing for me when new people (dominant and over 45) come out to meet us (RSVP) and they have already made the rounds - sighs - I am so fucking picky Hell I can't even figure out how to get conversations going online - I use to be good at it!
So to all those that I adore, please forgive me if I offend. I love you - just not that way that I feel the need for right now. I wish I didn't have any feelings or desire for something more than I have right here and right now. I keep reaching for a brass ring that isn't there.
Okay brushing myself off, and shaking all this bullshit off. Enough self pity for the Spring!
Because there is not a dominant in my personal space intimately, I really get into a "there is no one for me" and "there are no more dominants around" and verbalize this. To those I may offend, I really am sorry. I have some very special people that I know and love that are very much dominant, in control of themselves and some have others that they are in control of. I know several people / dominants that are honorable, respectable and respected, honest, have integrity, strength, and are not predators or have a need to herd all the new ones in to the I want to be a "mentor with benefits" for them.
But honestly I am very disheartened and this has been going on for a while. I am going to be 55 this year - is this all it is going to be? Sometimes I just wish...............well you know how I am if you have known me at all for the last 10 years. I get very weepy when I think of all the people around me now that are 'new' to RSVP or 'new' to the New Orleans scene and never have seen me "submissive", have never seen me with a man or dominant, or knew that I have been collared and loved and released.
I get called ma'am more often all the time and it isn't just because I am old.
There have been very few that tweak the entire encompass of me being submissive (like sexually inside and out or even feeling sexy). There are only a few that are still in the scene, still in my life, very few still in the greater Baton Rouge or New Orleans area, and a few that remain 'dominant' through the 10 years. Its depressing for me when new people (dominant and over 45) come out to meet us (RSVP) and they have already made the rounds - sighs - I am so fucking picky Hell I can't even figure out how to get conversations going online - I use to be good at it!
So to all those that I adore, please forgive me if I offend. I love you - just not that way that I feel the need for right now. I wish I didn't have any feelings or desire for something more than I have right here and right now. I keep reaching for a brass ring that isn't there.
Okay brushing myself off, and shaking all this bullshit off. Enough self pity for the Spring!