Cornell? More likes Neils Bohr-nell
As I've walked around campus lately I've been noticing a lot of something. Ugly people. Cornell has some seriously ugly people. Unfortunately, for the most of them the only repair is to lose like 100 pounds or undergo massive facial reconstruction, or in the worst cases, both. But for some, it really is a matter of changing a small few things to boost their appearance from 1 to even 4 points on my 1-10 scale. For starters:
Facial hair: Facial hair is not something to be half assed. If you can't grow a good beard, don't grow one at all. This scraggly shit I see all over makes me want to vomit. All I talk about is how I want grow out a sweet beard, but do you see me doing it (minus when I don't bother to shave for like four weeks)? No. Because my beard would suck and would be a disgrace among beards. Another thing, long beards don't mean awesome. There's a fine line here. You'll either look like a scumbag hippee or a badass biker. You can easily distinguish the two. The hippee beard is long, unkept, and unwashed. The badass biker looks to be unkempt, but is actually trimmed quite well. You'll just never see it happen.
Collars: Don't pop your collar unless you deserve to. If you're a millionaire's son who owns a jag and nice clothes and a yaht, or if you look like one, then go ahead. You earned it. If you're a chubby fat boy who starched his out of style pink polo shirt to follow the fashion trends, go chew on some razors.
Those emo glasses: They're not cool anymore. Not everyone needs to look emo. There's too many people wearing those thick framed glasses like it's still a new idea. Yeah, there's a few who look reasonable in them, but they probably really are emo, so it fits. I literally saw 5 dudes walk past me once, all in those stupid glasses. Like some fucking emo glasses club. Almost gave them all a firm punch in the whoo ha, but I was eating my soup.
Those big Russian hats on girls: I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not fucking cold in Ithaca. And those Russian hats belong in Russia. Those and those fucking Uggs. Next Ithaca is Cold shirt I see if getting the knuckleduster.
Girls wearing big sweatsuits: You've seen them. Yeah, if you're on a sports team, go ahead and wear them. That's what they're for. If you're some overweight girl walking to class, then no. Sweats are a status symbol, not a fashion statement.
Wearing a winter jacket, a winter hat, and sandals: Not cool. Ass hats.
Long hair on dudes: If your hair is over a foot long, you better have an awesome beard to make up for it. Long hair MUST be accompanied for a great beard. Otherwise you look like a fairy. A few guys can pull off the European look, usually if they're European, and still have long hair that makes girls swoon. This however comes at the cost of making other dudes think you're a puss.
Funny hats: You may have seen a person walking around with a goofy hat. Like a hat that looks like a parrot, or one of those long elf hats, or those hats with all the crazy spikes, etc. They're not funny. You might get a slight kick out of it on first sight, but immediately after you wonder how much they paid for that hat, and why they are still wearing it at the cost of any respect you might have had for them. Silly hats are for silly hat day only.
That's all the stuff I can generalize now. Feel free to add or comment or whatever. I don't care. Just don't do any of the pitfalls listed above, or you shall be branded resident asstard of the community.
Facial hair: Facial hair is not something to be half assed. If you can't grow a good beard, don't grow one at all. This scraggly shit I see all over makes me want to vomit. All I talk about is how I want grow out a sweet beard, but do you see me doing it (minus when I don't bother to shave for like four weeks)? No. Because my beard would suck and would be a disgrace among beards. Another thing, long beards don't mean awesome. There's a fine line here. You'll either look like a scumbag hippee or a badass biker. You can easily distinguish the two. The hippee beard is long, unkept, and unwashed. The badass biker looks to be unkempt, but is actually trimmed quite well. You'll just never see it happen.
Collars: Don't pop your collar unless you deserve to. If you're a millionaire's son who owns a jag and nice clothes and a yaht, or if you look like one, then go ahead. You earned it. If you're a chubby fat boy who starched his out of style pink polo shirt to follow the fashion trends, go chew on some razors.
Those emo glasses: They're not cool anymore. Not everyone needs to look emo. There's too many people wearing those thick framed glasses like it's still a new idea. Yeah, there's a few who look reasonable in them, but they probably really are emo, so it fits. I literally saw 5 dudes walk past me once, all in those stupid glasses. Like some fucking emo glasses club. Almost gave them all a firm punch in the whoo ha, but I was eating my soup.
Those big Russian hats on girls: I don't know if you've noticed, but it's not fucking cold in Ithaca. And those Russian hats belong in Russia. Those and those fucking Uggs. Next Ithaca is Cold shirt I see if getting the knuckleduster.
Girls wearing big sweatsuits: You've seen them. Yeah, if you're on a sports team, go ahead and wear them. That's what they're for. If you're some overweight girl walking to class, then no. Sweats are a status symbol, not a fashion statement.
Wearing a winter jacket, a winter hat, and sandals: Not cool. Ass hats.
Long hair on dudes: If your hair is over a foot long, you better have an awesome beard to make up for it. Long hair MUST be accompanied for a great beard. Otherwise you look like a fairy. A few guys can pull off the European look, usually if they're European, and still have long hair that makes girls swoon. This however comes at the cost of making other dudes think you're a puss.
Funny hats: You may have seen a person walking around with a goofy hat. Like a hat that looks like a parrot, or one of those long elf hats, or those hats with all the crazy spikes, etc. They're not funny. You might get a slight kick out of it on first sight, but immediately after you wonder how much they paid for that hat, and why they are still wearing it at the cost of any respect you might have had for them. Silly hats are for silly hat day only.
That's all the stuff I can generalize now. Feel free to add or comment or whatever. I don't care. Just don't do any of the pitfalls listed above, or you shall be branded resident asstard of the community.