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[deathtosocrates]

Alright. I’m going to do a lot of navel gazing and personal reflecting here, and it’s entirely necessary, but if folks don’t want to bother with it, they’re free to pass this by, and it’s no biggie if you do. But I’m at a very fierce emotional point right now, and the most constructive way I know how to deal with it is to write it out. I’ll put it

Comments

[zaphy]

First, hugs.

Second, pretty much what Red said. I WILL say that even if change doesn't come immediately to you, there IS a definite, uplifting satisfaction in the mere knowledge that you are working towards something different. I don't know whether that satisfaction is foolish hope or something similar, and I don't care. I'll ride the emotional high because it makes me feel good, and we could all do with a bit of that.

Also want to repeat that there is no easy answer. There really isn't, especially for "what do I want to do with myself"? I'm pretty sure there's days when I want to animate and work in games until there's nothing left of me but a sleep-deprived corpse, but there's still days when I wonder. (I hear this is because I haven't found the right studio yet, and I believe it becaus euh, my workplace is poop, but I digress)

I don't know how to answer it for you, but I WILL say that Red's right, just changing jobs can be the hugest breath of fresh air. It doesn't matter if it's retail, it doesn't matter if it's not what you want to do RIGHT NOW. Almost all of the big artists and game designers I look up to had jobs they would rather not have done before they got their breaks. Garbage disposal, dishwashers, furniture restoring, whatever. At least you're indoors with no heavy lifting, but I won't blame you for wanting out of Marshall's.

Also, don't be afraid to let -go- of an idea you have if you come to the conclusion that it's not really what you want to do. I had a comic idea I was obsessed with for years before I finally realized that A. I don't really like drawing comics. B. I don't have the life experience I feel is necessary for writing a war story C. I don't really like drawing comics. But the -idea- of the story bugged me for a long time and made me unhappy because I didn't think I could do justice to it. I'm much happier now that I've acknowledged that it's not something I really want to do, and it can sit and be my personal worldbuilding project when I'm bored with nothing else to do.