(no subject)
guys, its 120 on a saturday night. why am i writing a paper? its not due until monday night at 11:59 p.m. ok, yeah, i have to write a 15 page paper tomorrow due monday at 330, but...still, why??
its really very weird to think that (with the exception of the potential/eventual grad school stuffs) this is my last weekend of homework ever. its going to be weird to let that stress go...right after a term ends it usually takes me a while to let go of that constant stressful feeling that i should be doing something productive. its so bizarre that i wont be having that again, especially on the weekends when i wont have work or anything.
yeah. adulthood.
p.s. my boyfriend and i had kind of an awkward conversation about marriage tonight. actually, it was more me talking, and i was probably the only awkward one but whatever. this morning my car insurance agent asked me when my wedding was when i told him that i was moving in my boyfriend. idiot. anyway, point is....ive always thought marriage was a pretty stupid thing, or i guess its more that i dislike the way our society handles marriage. its is totally backwards to me.
it seems like (girls especially) are socialized to prioritize marriage. people seem to always be rushing to get to that point... because they feel pressured by society to be married, or for the feigned sense of security, or just the glorified american dream or some bullshit. both my parents have been divorced, as well as my sister, so i think marriage has always seemed kind of fucked up to me. seeing my sister going through a divorce at a young age really set me straight on not wanting to have to go through that. my parents are pretty unhappily married right now, so i never want to just be with someone for the convenience, i actually want to be happy.
mike has pretty similar views on marriage since his parents are divorced too and they helped him keep his head on straight growing up. butttt mike and i are pretty chill and have NEVER mentioned what we want from the future beyond a few months ahead. i dont think we ever even said the "m" word to each other in reference to each other before today. anyway, we've very lightly skimmed over the basic concepts of marriage before in the context of me being worried that i scared him if i joked about anything too serious about that stuff. he kind of reassured me that things were fine, but me being a stupid girl, i wanted to really just jump into detail and kind of talk about what i feel about us and kind of where i want things to go...which should kind of relieve him (i was hoping)
so we got on the subject and i just dived in and basically told him what i think and how i dont know how he feels about stuff and i dont even want to assume that he's thinking anything about marriage, but blah blah blah, i wouldnt want to think about that stuff until i was with a guy for like... EVVERRR etc etc. i kind of forgot where i was going with this liverjournal business, but point is...i still feel kind of uncomfortable that marriage is sort of a weird "we dont talk about that" thing, but i guess that's normal cause he's a boy...buttt i still hate it cause i was trying to tell him like, i love him so many bunches but he doesnt need to worry that im trying to rush into anything tooo major serious. but i might want to someday.
so, hey, internet.
its really very weird to think that (with the exception of the potential/eventual grad school stuffs) this is my last weekend of homework ever. its going to be weird to let that stress go...right after a term ends it usually takes me a while to let go of that constant stressful feeling that i should be doing something productive. its so bizarre that i wont be having that again, especially on the weekends when i wont have work or anything.
yeah. adulthood.
p.s. my boyfriend and i had kind of an awkward conversation about marriage tonight. actually, it was more me talking, and i was probably the only awkward one but whatever. this morning my car insurance agent asked me when my wedding was when i told him that i was moving in my boyfriend. idiot. anyway, point is....ive always thought marriage was a pretty stupid thing, or i guess its more that i dislike the way our society handles marriage. its is totally backwards to me.
it seems like (girls especially) are socialized to prioritize marriage. people seem to always be rushing to get to that point... because they feel pressured by society to be married, or for the feigned sense of security, or just the glorified american dream or some bullshit. both my parents have been divorced, as well as my sister, so i think marriage has always seemed kind of fucked up to me. seeing my sister going through a divorce at a young age really set me straight on not wanting to have to go through that. my parents are pretty unhappily married right now, so i never want to just be with someone for the convenience, i actually want to be happy.
mike has pretty similar views on marriage since his parents are divorced too and they helped him keep his head on straight growing up. butttt mike and i are pretty chill and have NEVER mentioned what we want from the future beyond a few months ahead. i dont think we ever even said the "m" word to each other in reference to each other before today. anyway, we've very lightly skimmed over the basic concepts of marriage before in the context of me being worried that i scared him if i joked about anything too serious about that stuff. he kind of reassured me that things were fine, but me being a stupid girl, i wanted to really just jump into detail and kind of talk about what i feel about us and kind of where i want things to go...which should kind of relieve him (i was hoping)
so we got on the subject and i just dived in and basically told him what i think and how i dont know how he feels about stuff and i dont even want to assume that he's thinking anything about marriage, but blah blah blah, i wouldnt want to think about that stuff until i was with a guy for like... EVVERRR etc etc. i kind of forgot where i was going with this liverjournal business, but point is...i still feel kind of uncomfortable that marriage is sort of a weird "we dont talk about that" thing, but i guess that's normal cause he's a boy...buttt i still hate it cause i was trying to tell him like, i love him so many bunches but he doesnt need to worry that im trying to rush into anything tooo major serious. but i might want to someday.
so, hey, internet.