Love

[deathtodrama]

This summer has been...well I guess Hell in a good way. I had to struggle partially on my own all my life and to actually do it and live on my own at my age made me grow. And I'm GRATEFUL that it happened. I love the fact that my life went the way that it has. Sure it hurt like a bitch and I fell into a place that I can't possibly begin to describe, but it was amazing. I knew that once I left highschool that everything would be soo...different. And it is. I've found the two most important people in my life: God and Me. I love myself. That sounds cocky. But I have a respect for myself that I never thought I'd have. I've made some pretty stupid mistakes in my life. I've held on to things when I should have let go. I allowed myself to reach full force and I could be dead right now twice over. But I'm alive. (through the grace of God). But I am here. I don't regret anything. Not living on my own, not crying, not starving, not having a single place to turn. I Don't regret suffering. I don't regret being depressed. I don't regret working myself sick. I don't regret my mistakes. I don't even regret Cliff. And I can honestly forgive now. Which is new for me as well for something so deep. But I can FORGIVE. And forgiveness brings a deeper kind of power than one can imagine. And a peace that tops it.

Even as we speak, jobs are opening up for me. I got a phone call yesterday to do a show. That will make my 4th show this summer. I have a lot to show for my sacrafice. Years of sacrafice. A life time of sacrifce and a life time more.

But you know something? I have found a familiar feeling again: No matter how I feel, or what people tell me, I AM A GOOD PERSON.

That my friends gives me peace.