PS Chapter One: "The Boy Who Lived"
* Well, here we are, people: the one that started it all.
* “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” I know we’re meant to look down on the Dursleys as the personification of Middle-England boringness, but frankly, after reading these books “normal” starts to seem like quite an achievement.
* Mr. Dursley is director of a drill-making firm. Based on what we know of the Potterverse chronology, Lily is just a few years out of school, and Petunia’s probably not more than a few years older. So either Mr. Dursley is a fair bit older than his wife, or he’s remarkably adept at climbing the corporate ladder.
* Mr. Dursley has hardly any neck, whereas Mrs. Dursley has twice the usual amount. Hopefully this will average out for Dudley, and he’ll end up with normal proportions.
* To be honest I don’t blame the Dursleys for trying to keep away from James and Lily. Would you want to mix with people who might suddenly hex you for fun?
* Wow, these wizards are really bad at the whole secrecy thing. Owls flying around everywhere, cats reading maps, people openly going about in green robes? It’s no wonder the Ministry employs so many people, the amount of mind-wiping spells they perform must be phenomenal.
* I know Mr. Dursley is supposed to be this stereotypical middle England/Daily Mail-reading caricature, but the description of him being “enraged” by people in funny clothes just seems over-the-top. It’s almost like something you’d expect to find in a bad parody of a bad parody of the sort of people who read right-wing newspapers.
* Though I’m surprised he didn’t realise that they were wizards. He seems to have met Lily and James at some point in the past, and he can hardly have failed to notice how weirdly they all dress.
* “‘Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me.’” Oh, I don’t know, Petunia, it does have a certain pedigree. “Follow your spirit, and upon this charge / Cry ‘God for England, Harry and Saint George!’”
* Not sure why Dumbledore’s got a crooked nose, when wizarding medicine can fix broken bones in a trice. Maybe it’s just to show everybody that he got injured, like the 19th-century Prussian obsession with collecting heroic duelling scars.
* The putter-outer can turn off streetlights, as well as letting you eavesdrop on absent friends’ conversations and apparate next to said friends. Maybe it’s actually a multi-purpose spying device - so you can turn off any lights to let yourself sneak around more easily, listen in on conversations without actually being there, and know where the person you’re keeping track of currently is.
* Professor McGonagall’s been waiting all day, showing that she’s already picked up her mentor’s talent for doing sod all. Dumbledore meanwhile has apparently been un-contactable this whole time, showing that he’s already picked up his annoying habit of never condescending to tell people what’s going on.
* Flinching at the mere name of Voldemort is pretty odd behaviour. You don’t find Jewish people flinching at the name of Hitler, and there’s no way that Voldemort’s reign of terror was worse than the Holocaust.
* “It was plain that whatever ‘everyone’ was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true.” Rule no. 1 of Hogwarts: only ever believe what Dumbledore tells you.
* McGonagall starts crying over the death of Lily and James. To be fair I’d probably do the same in her place, although in my case I’d be crying tears of relief.
* McGonagall objects to the idea of leaving Harry with the Dursleys, on the grounds that “You couldn’t find two people who are less like us.” Given what we see of the wizarding world, “not being like us” sounds like quite a desirable quality TBH.
* In theory Dumbledore’s plan is quite a good one: raising Harry up as a normal child until he’s ready to take his fame does sound like a sensible idea. Unfortunately it fails, in that (a) eleven is still too young to take being world-famous, and (b) Harry never actually experiences being a normal child. His entire life is spent as either a hated nobody or the most important person in the world, his world is divided into abusers and abused, and it’s no wonder he ends the series so morally screwed up.
* “‘I would trust Hagrid with my life,’ said Dumbledore.” So, are there any examples in the books where Dumbledore actually does trust Hagrid with his life? I’m struggling to think of any, although of course there are plenty of times when he trusts Hagrid with someone else’s life...
* Hagrid himself arrives on a giant flying motorcycle. What was that about the need to stay hidden from the muggles, again?
* Still, good way of slipping in Sirius Black’s name like that.
* So Hagrid says he got Harry “before the Muggles started swarmin’ around,” i.e., pretty much right after the attack. The way he describes his flight to Privet Drive implies that he came directly, without stopping on the way. And yet it’s been at least a day since Voldemort attacked the Potters, and possibly more, depending on how fast it would take for news of his downfall to spread throughout the wizarding community. So what exactly took him so long?
* “[P]oor little Harry off ter live with Muggles-” Remember, though, it’s only evil Slytherins who are bigoted against non-magical types. Gryffindors and other good guys are fine with muggles - they just don’t want them associating with their children.
* I wonder what Dumbledore’s letter said? “Dear Petunia, Knock knock, who’s there? Not your sister, she’s dead lol. Love, Dubledore”?
* So, does this whole blood protection thing only protect Harry from Voldemort, or does it work against the other Death Eaters too? Also, is it just magic that it stops, or is any harm ruled out? If, say, Bellatrix Lestrange turned up and dashed Harry’s head against the doorstep, would he still die? If so, why on Earth is Dumbledore just leaving the boy here helpless and undefended?
* Not to mention non-magical dangers like the cold or wild animals. Maybe Dumbledore already suspects that Harry is a horcrux, and is hoping that he’ll die, taking the soul fragment with him.
* “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” I know we’re meant to look down on the Dursleys as the personification of Middle-England boringness, but frankly, after reading these books “normal” starts to seem like quite an achievement.
* Mr. Dursley is director of a drill-making firm. Based on what we know of the Potterverse chronology, Lily is just a few years out of school, and Petunia’s probably not more than a few years older. So either Mr. Dursley is a fair bit older than his wife, or he’s remarkably adept at climbing the corporate ladder.
* Mr. Dursley has hardly any neck, whereas Mrs. Dursley has twice the usual amount. Hopefully this will average out for Dudley, and he’ll end up with normal proportions.
* To be honest I don’t blame the Dursleys for trying to keep away from James and Lily. Would you want to mix with people who might suddenly hex you for fun?
* Wow, these wizards are really bad at the whole secrecy thing. Owls flying around everywhere, cats reading maps, people openly going about in green robes? It’s no wonder the Ministry employs so many people, the amount of mind-wiping spells they perform must be phenomenal.
* I know Mr. Dursley is supposed to be this stereotypical middle England/Daily Mail-reading caricature, but the description of him being “enraged” by people in funny clothes just seems over-the-top. It’s almost like something you’d expect to find in a bad parody of a bad parody of the sort of people who read right-wing newspapers.
* Though I’m surprised he didn’t realise that they were wizards. He seems to have met Lily and James at some point in the past, and he can hardly have failed to notice how weirdly they all dress.
* “‘Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me.’” Oh, I don’t know, Petunia, it does have a certain pedigree. “Follow your spirit, and upon this charge / Cry ‘God for England, Harry and Saint George!’”
* Not sure why Dumbledore’s got a crooked nose, when wizarding medicine can fix broken bones in a trice. Maybe it’s just to show everybody that he got injured, like the 19th-century Prussian obsession with collecting heroic duelling scars.
* The putter-outer can turn off streetlights, as well as letting you eavesdrop on absent friends’ conversations and apparate next to said friends. Maybe it’s actually a multi-purpose spying device - so you can turn off any lights to let yourself sneak around more easily, listen in on conversations without actually being there, and know where the person you’re keeping track of currently is.
* Professor McGonagall’s been waiting all day, showing that she’s already picked up her mentor’s talent for doing sod all. Dumbledore meanwhile has apparently been un-contactable this whole time, showing that he’s already picked up his annoying habit of never condescending to tell people what’s going on.
* Flinching at the mere name of Voldemort is pretty odd behaviour. You don’t find Jewish people flinching at the name of Hitler, and there’s no way that Voldemort’s reign of terror was worse than the Holocaust.
* “It was plain that whatever ‘everyone’ was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true.” Rule no. 1 of Hogwarts: only ever believe what Dumbledore tells you.
* McGonagall starts crying over the death of Lily and James. To be fair I’d probably do the same in her place, although in my case I’d be crying tears of relief.
* McGonagall objects to the idea of leaving Harry with the Dursleys, on the grounds that “You couldn’t find two people who are less like us.” Given what we see of the wizarding world, “not being like us” sounds like quite a desirable quality TBH.
* In theory Dumbledore’s plan is quite a good one: raising Harry up as a normal child until he’s ready to take his fame does sound like a sensible idea. Unfortunately it fails, in that (a) eleven is still too young to take being world-famous, and (b) Harry never actually experiences being a normal child. His entire life is spent as either a hated nobody or the most important person in the world, his world is divided into abusers and abused, and it’s no wonder he ends the series so morally screwed up.
* “‘I would trust Hagrid with my life,’ said Dumbledore.” So, are there any examples in the books where Dumbledore actually does trust Hagrid with his life? I’m struggling to think of any, although of course there are plenty of times when he trusts Hagrid with someone else’s life...
* Hagrid himself arrives on a giant flying motorcycle. What was that about the need to stay hidden from the muggles, again?
* Still, good way of slipping in Sirius Black’s name like that.
* So Hagrid says he got Harry “before the Muggles started swarmin’ around,” i.e., pretty much right after the attack. The way he describes his flight to Privet Drive implies that he came directly, without stopping on the way. And yet it’s been at least a day since Voldemort attacked the Potters, and possibly more, depending on how fast it would take for news of his downfall to spread throughout the wizarding community. So what exactly took him so long?
* “[P]oor little Harry off ter live with Muggles-” Remember, though, it’s only evil Slytherins who are bigoted against non-magical types. Gryffindors and other good guys are fine with muggles - they just don’t want them associating with their children.
* I wonder what Dumbledore’s letter said? “Dear Petunia, Knock knock, who’s there? Not your sister, she’s dead lol. Love, Dubledore”?
* So, does this whole blood protection thing only protect Harry from Voldemort, or does it work against the other Death Eaters too? Also, is it just magic that it stops, or is any harm ruled out? If, say, Bellatrix Lestrange turned up and dashed Harry’s head against the doorstep, would he still die? If so, why on Earth is Dumbledore just leaving the boy here helpless and undefended?
* Not to mention non-magical dangers like the cold or wild animals. Maybe Dumbledore already suspects that Harry is a horcrux, and is hoping that he’ll die, taking the soul fragment with him.