Harry Potter Abridged! DH Chapter 27
[The dragon flies high in the sky and far away]
Harry: I just realized-we have no plans for getting off the dragon!
Ron: Now you tell us!
[Fortunately, before too long the dragon flies down beside a body of water for a drink]
Hermione: I’ve brought pumpkin juice! [Produces juice]
Ron: Wow! How did you ever stop it from breaking on the trip?
Hermione: Just go with it.
[She also gets out dittany to treat the burns they got from trying to handle the treasure]
Ron: By the way…do you think they’ll figure out that we broke into Gringotts and stole the Horcrux?
Hermione: Come to think of it, probably.
Ron: Well, they are only slightly smarter than we are.
Hermione: But still.
[Sure enough, just then Harry disappears into Voldemort’s mind again, to find him threatening a goblin!]
Voldemort: You’re telling me Harry Potter and his friends stole my Horcrux?!
Goblin: Your what, now?
Voldemort: That fancy golden cup!
Goblin: Y-yes, sir, they did.
Voldemort: AAAARGH! This is not what I wanted! I’m so mad I’m going to kill the next person I see! [looks at goblin] Oh, wait-that’s you! Avada kedavra!
Goblin: AAAAAAAGH! [Dies]
Voldemort: Wow, that felt great! But I’m still angry! I think I’ll kill some of my own men!
[He fires killing curses randomly into the crowd of assembled Death Eaters, though Bellatrix and some other important ones are not hit]
Voldemort: No, wait! I’m killing the people I rely on to do my work for me! This is no good! [Deep breath] I’m overreacting, it’s alright, it’s alright. I still don’t have any reason to think Harry Potter could have known about the Gaunt shack, where I kept the ring, or the birdbath where I put the locket…. And since he’s not at Hogwarts there’s no way he’s found that other Horcrux, the one that used to belong to Ravenclaw…! I’ll just have to be more careful with Nagini from now on, but I was planning to keep a closer eye on her anyway-particularly since, having just killed some of my own men, I’ll have to get up off my ass for good. I’ll just call Nagini and go to the Gaunt shack-just to check and make sure the ring’s still there. Just in case.
[Harry comes out of Voldemort’s memories]
Harry: Ron, Hermione! I’ve just learned where the last Horcrux is!
Ron: Where is it?
Harry: Hogwarts.
Hermione: I’m not surprised.
Harry: So in conclusion, we have to leave for Hogwarts immediately!
Hermione: But we don’t have a plan!
Harry: Well we’ve come this far moving blindly forward and just hoping things will work out, so why stop now?
Hermione: True….
Harry: So…to Hogsmeade?
Ron and Hermione: Right, right.
[And they all apparate to Hogsmeade]
Harry: I just realized-we have no plans for getting off the dragon!
Ron: Now you tell us!
[Fortunately, before too long the dragon flies down beside a body of water for a drink]
Hermione: I’ve brought pumpkin juice! [Produces juice]
Ron: Wow! How did you ever stop it from breaking on the trip?
Hermione: Just go with it.
[She also gets out dittany to treat the burns they got from trying to handle the treasure]
Ron: By the way…do you think they’ll figure out that we broke into Gringotts and stole the Horcrux?
Hermione: Come to think of it, probably.
Ron: Well, they are only slightly smarter than we are.
Hermione: But still.
[Sure enough, just then Harry disappears into Voldemort’s mind again, to find him threatening a goblin!]
Voldemort: You’re telling me Harry Potter and his friends stole my Horcrux?!
Goblin: Your what, now?
Voldemort: That fancy golden cup!
Goblin: Y-yes, sir, they did.
Voldemort: AAAARGH! This is not what I wanted! I’m so mad I’m going to kill the next person I see! [looks at goblin] Oh, wait-that’s you! Avada kedavra!
Goblin: AAAAAAAGH! [Dies]
Voldemort: Wow, that felt great! But I’m still angry! I think I’ll kill some of my own men!
[He fires killing curses randomly into the crowd of assembled Death Eaters, though Bellatrix and some other important ones are not hit]
Voldemort: No, wait! I’m killing the people I rely on to do my work for me! This is no good! [Deep breath] I’m overreacting, it’s alright, it’s alright. I still don’t have any reason to think Harry Potter could have known about the Gaunt shack, where I kept the ring, or the birdbath where I put the locket…. And since he’s not at Hogwarts there’s no way he’s found that other Horcrux, the one that used to belong to Ravenclaw…! I’ll just have to be more careful with Nagini from now on, but I was planning to keep a closer eye on her anyway-particularly since, having just killed some of my own men, I’ll have to get up off my ass for good. I’ll just call Nagini and go to the Gaunt shack-just to check and make sure the ring’s still there. Just in case.
[Harry comes out of Voldemort’s memories]
Harry: Ron, Hermione! I’ve just learned where the last Horcrux is!
Ron: Where is it?
Harry: Hogwarts.
Hermione: I’m not surprised.
Harry: So in conclusion, we have to leave for Hogwarts immediately!
Hermione: But we don’t have a plan!
Harry: Well we’ve come this far moving blindly forward and just hoping things will work out, so why stop now?
Hermione: True….
Harry: So…to Hogsmeade?
Ron and Hermione: Right, right.
[And they all apparate to Hogsmeade]