Harry Potter Abridged! POA Chapter 18
So, since these two chapters are so short, I thought I’d post them one right after the other
Ron: I still say that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Harry: That doesn’t add up- Peter Pettigrew’s dead, and Sirius is responsible.
Sirius: No I did not- but now I will. [Turns into a dog and lunges at Scabbers]
Lupin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t! We still have to explain everything!
Sirius: But these things always lead to boring long-winded exposition speeches!
Lupin: Just this once?
Sirius: Alright, alright….
Hermione: Alright, alright- I did my homework on animagi. Doesn’t the government keep tabs on them?
Lupin: Yes, but not all animagi are registered- Sirius and the rest of our gang were not. In fact, they became animagi to help me when I became a werewolf. See, I was bitten before I even made it to Hogwarts, but at that time there wasn’t a cure. Instead, when I was a child I hid out in the Shrieking Shack when I transformed- by the way those sounds that people thought were ghosts had been me. Oh, and did I mention that it was all Dumbledore’s idea that I go to Hogwarts at all? Dumbledore’s the man- really! He was the only one who understood!
Harry: Why am I not surprised?
Lupin: So anyway, Sirius, Peter, and, wait for it, James, all became animagi just so they could keep me company as an animal. Isn’t that sweet?
Hermione: But couldn’t you still have bitten someone?
Lupin: Well… I almost did… once or twice… but hey, nobody ever got hurt, did they?
Sirius: And that’s my philosophy, you know.
Harry: Eh, I guess that’s reasonable!
Lupin: Oh, by the way, I was too cowardly to let on to Dumbledore that Sirius was an animagus, thus making him more difficult to track. But you’ll forgive me, right guys?!
Harry: Sure- you’re cool!
Lupin: But, yeah… Snape’s right to suspect I’m untrustworthy, unfortunately….
Sirius: No he’s not. He’s just mad at you because we nearly got him killed once for daring to be upset at our getting away with rule-breaking.
Lupin: Yeah… Sirius told Snape to come in after me one night. But Harry, your father heroically rescued Snape from my werewolf self.
Harry: Wow! I always knew my father was a hero!
Lupin: But yeah, Snape knows I’m a werewolf now….
Snape: Surprise!
Everyone else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Ron: I still say that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
Harry: That doesn’t add up- Peter Pettigrew’s dead, and Sirius is responsible.
Sirius: No I did not- but now I will. [Turns into a dog and lunges at Scabbers]
Lupin: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t! We still have to explain everything!
Sirius: But these things always lead to boring long-winded exposition speeches!
Lupin: Just this once?
Sirius: Alright, alright….
Hermione: Alright, alright- I did my homework on animagi. Doesn’t the government keep tabs on them?
Lupin: Yes, but not all animagi are registered- Sirius and the rest of our gang were not. In fact, they became animagi to help me when I became a werewolf. See, I was bitten before I even made it to Hogwarts, but at that time there wasn’t a cure. Instead, when I was a child I hid out in the Shrieking Shack when I transformed- by the way those sounds that people thought were ghosts had been me. Oh, and did I mention that it was all Dumbledore’s idea that I go to Hogwarts at all? Dumbledore’s the man- really! He was the only one who understood!
Harry: Why am I not surprised?
Lupin: So anyway, Sirius, Peter, and, wait for it, James, all became animagi just so they could keep me company as an animal. Isn’t that sweet?
Hermione: But couldn’t you still have bitten someone?
Lupin: Well… I almost did… once or twice… but hey, nobody ever got hurt, did they?
Sirius: And that’s my philosophy, you know.
Harry: Eh, I guess that’s reasonable!
Lupin: Oh, by the way, I was too cowardly to let on to Dumbledore that Sirius was an animagus, thus making him more difficult to track. But you’ll forgive me, right guys?!
Harry: Sure- you’re cool!
Lupin: But, yeah… Snape’s right to suspect I’m untrustworthy, unfortunately….
Sirius: No he’s not. He’s just mad at you because we nearly got him killed once for daring to be upset at our getting away with rule-breaking.
Lupin: Yeah… Sirius told Snape to come in after me one night. But Harry, your father heroically rescued Snape from my werewolf self.
Harry: Wow! I always knew my father was a hero!
Lupin: But yeah, Snape knows I’m a werewolf now….
Snape: Surprise!
Everyone else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!