PoA Chapter Four
Since Diagon Alley is full of the most fascinating wizarding shops in the world, Harry has no desire to venture into Muggle London. He’s got a robe shop, broom shop and an ice cream parlor.
Harry likes eating breakfast in the Cauldron and watching the other customers. Almost as if he’s a curious boy with interest in the world around him. I’m thinking Dumbledore must have slipped him something to kill this once he got to school.
One of the people Harry sees is someone who looked “suspiciously like a hag” ordering from behind a baklava. Perhaps Marietta looked suspiciously like a hag in her baklava too.
Btw, are hags yet another creature that aren’t fit for polite society from birth?
Harry also gets free sundaes every half an hour. Wow. Does he look a little more like Dudley by the end of the week or what?
Harry’s tempted to buy himself a set of solid gold gobstones. Luckily just in time he remembers that he doesn’t actually play gobstones.
Harry’s metabolism is no doubt as far-seeing as his financial sense. He won’t be getting fat no matter how many sundaes he eats.
Gobstones squirt nasty-smelling liquid into the other player’s faces when they lose a point. Honestly, for all the claims of how great it is, the wizarding world mostly tastes and smells terrible all the time.
Harry also gets his first look at the best broom ever. What do you think the chances are he’ll get one of these Firebolt things by the end of the book like last time?
Not that this great broom will in any way give Harry an unearned advantage over any other Seeker, of course. Our brooms, like our choices, simply show who we are.
LOL! There’s something wonderful about Harry reminding himself that it’s not like he’s ever lost a Quidditch match on his Nimbus 2000. He might as well have reminded himself that he never seems to lose at anything, really. To be fair, he hasn’t yet entered the TWT.
The bookstore manager has already been bitten several times in one morning by Hagrid’s stupid book. Nice to know Hagrid’s powers of irritation are just that powerful.
Harry’s eye falls on a book about death omens that has a picture of a black dog on the cover, thus neatly making his vision of Sirius look like an omen. Well done there.
Other kids pop up at Diagon Alley, like Dean and Seamus. Harry also sees Neville, but doesn’t stop to chat. Shock.
Arthur has of course heard all about what happened to Aunt Marge. He was probably disappointed he didn’t get a chance to cover that up for Harry himself.
Hermione says Harry’s blowing up his aunt isn’t funny. After all, she’s amazed he wasn’t expelled. Nice foreshadowing of Hermione’s take on the Sectumsempra issue.
The Weasleys are randomly staying at the Cauldron this year because Harry is. (Maybe they’re afraid he’ll get adopted by some other family if they leave him alone another minute.)
Let me guess, will Hermione be staying too? Why yes, she is! Her parents obediently dropped her off by herself at a hotel. Maybe she just lied and told them she had to be there early.
Hermione is taking Muggle studies because she thinks it will be fascinating to see them from the wizard pov. If by “fascinating” you mean infuriating and condescending, I guess.
Hermione’s got extra money because it’s her birthday in September. I know that note’s for us but it almost makes it sound like it’s new information for Ron and Harry. Or at least Harry, whose birthday is the only important one until Ron almost gets killed on his. (Though after that one the Weasleys probably started celebrating it as the anniversary of the time Harry saved Ron rather than Ron’s birthday.)
Hermione says she wants an owl, which gives Ron a reason to pull Scabbers out of his pocket and note he’s looking droopy. He thinks because Egypt didn’t agree with him, but of course really it’s because he’s scared of Sirius!
It also gives us a reason to go to a pet shop: Animals are Important in this Book!
They go to the pet shop, which is also foul-smelling. The clerk makes a point of helping someone else so they have time to look around and give us a nice long descriptive paragraph.
Like nearly everything Ron owns, Scabbers is second-hand. Hey, he finally got a new wand, didn’t he? It’s not even pre-owned!
The witch asks what powers Scabbers has. So are all magical familiars supposed to have powers? I guess Hedwig’s ability to care whether or not Harry has a happy birthday doesn’t count?
The witch says an ordinary garden rat can’t be expected to live more than three or four years. Well, obviously, there’s his power!
So Hermione chooses to buy the cat that attacks Ron’s rat on sight. Yup, that neatly fits their pattern all right. Not exactly optimistic symbolism for that marriage.
Black’s not going to be caught by a 13-year-old wizard, Arthur says, a line that sounds incredibly silly given that you’d think a world war wouldn’t be fought and won by a 17-year-old wizard and his idiot friends, and yet it will.
Ginny goes red and mutters hello to Harry without looking at him. It’s amazing the way that if you look back at past books, Peter’s true personality is actually clear in Scabbers and Barty Crouch’s true personality is clear in Fake!Moody…yet the fantastical Ginny of OotP and HBP remains completely hidden. I mean, it’s not even like Harry walks in on something that looks like Ginny being clumsy but on re-read is clearly Ginny having just beaten all her brothers into submission or something.
If only Colin Creevey had been tongue-tied instead of babbling he might have been given a new, awesome personality too.
Percy greets Harry as if they’ve never met, which makes Harry almost laugh instead of get angry and judgmental. Weird, isn’t it?
Percy, of course, can’t hide his personality. He’s already been smug and pompous and he’s just appeared on the page.
Fred and George jump in to elaborately make fun of Percy for Harry.
George is revolted at the idea of being a Prefect, because it would take all the fun out of life, and Ginny giggles. I guess there’s our Big Clue to the firecracker within.
The twins also tried to shut Percy in a pyramid in Egypt. They’re so funny and awesome.
Everyone eats their way through 5 courses at dinner. I’m so glad we’re away from the fat people so we can get down to enjoying all this good food!
Percy curiously asks why the Ministry’s sending cars for their family and George says it’s because of Percy, and they’ll have little flags that say HB for…wait for it…Humongous Bighead! Fred adds that! That’s hilarious! Are these boys really only 15?
So the car for Arthur is “doing him a favor” because he doesn’t have a car anymore. That would be because his car was illegal and his kid lost it. If there’s one thing that says poor, it’s fleets of government cars taking your kids to school, yeah?
Still, it’s nice of the Ministry to do something to make up for Arthur losing his totally illegal car that specifically went against his own area of law enforcement. I doubt anybody in the Muggle world would be that thoughtful.
Arthur feels it makes no sense not to tell Harry he’s in grave danger. Naturally he won’t be winning this argument. Nobody ever tells Harry anything he should obviously know. Though to be fair, Harry never actually seems to want to know anything he should obviously know.
Since Arthur’s not going to tell Harry anything, he resorts to having a loud, angry “As you know, Bob” conversation with Molly while Harry’s listening.
So to bring us up to date: Sirius muttered “He’s at Hogwarts” in his sleep, which everyone assumes refers to Harry because honestly, who the hell cares about any other single person at Hogwarts even if you’re not in jail for killing Harry’s parents?
Molly says Dumbledore would never let anything hurt Harry at Hogwarts, even though Harry’s already almost died at Hogwarts twice in the two years he’s been there.
It turns out Fred and George actually stole Percy’s badge to change it to read “Bighead Boy.” Just as Harry is protected from the harsh reality that everyone thinks Sirius is after him, apparently the twins are kept from the harsh reality that they are pretty much lacking in wit.
Like, remember that scene in Annie Hall where little Alvy has to deal with “Joey Nickles” and his allegedly hilarious jokes? And even though he’s a small child he just wanders away saying, “What an asshole?” I see a lot of that in the Twins’ future.
Harry thinks maybe Sirius should be afraid of Dumbledore since Voldemort was. Nope, one of Sirius’ most appealing qualities was that he wasn’t afraid of Dumbledore. Which is also pretty much why he spent his life in prison and then died young, really.
Worst of everything, of course, is that Harry can’t go to Hogsmeade. Um, yeah. That’s definitely the worst thing about finding out a mass murderer is gunning for you. No unchaperoned trips to the bug, grass and vomit-flavored candy store!
Harry vows not to be murdered. And I have to appreciate Harry coming up with even that vague of a plan. Nobody can accuse him of not fulfilling at least that goal.
Things done twice:
Harry sees a second incredible broom he’ll soon own.
Hermione is attracted to a cat that attacks people, thus becoming another pet owner like Marge and Hagrid.
Harry’s kept out of the loop on a big secret about himself throughout a whole book, much like OotP.
Fred and George fix Percy’s badge to say something different. The badge technology in GoF does NOT come out of nowhere!
It’s a gun. No it isn’t! It’s Chekov! No it isn’t!
Firebolt
Status: Fired, just in the way you’d expect.
Arthur says the Ministry is no nearer catching Black than inventing self-spelling wands
Status: Fired, and we didn’t even know it was a gun!
Hey, Arthur, Harry’s already got one of those! It’s just waiting until the seventh book to randomly reveal itself!
Exploitation Filmmakers’ Credo
If Molly didn’t follow this credo her husband would have no reason to exposit information he’s already told her for Harry’s benefit.
Hero’s Death Battle Exemption
Harry reminds all those people, in his head, how wonderfully he’s managed to keep himself alive so far. It’s good to have your name in the title!
Idiot World
Arthur says the Ministry’s pulled people them all off their regular jobs to find Sirius. I love that the Ministry is so useless they would look for a fugitive by deputizing a bunch of accountants (without the accountants doing anything useful like checking financial transactions that could lead them to Sirius, of course.)
Spring-Loaded Cat
Hey, an actual spring-loaded cat!
Jabootu Score: 4