The boy who blocked his own shot
This is one of those downs, in the up's and down's i talked about in my last entry. Im becoming physically, mentally and emotional drained. 3 days a week i have school followed my track, follwed by work. I did it once this routine once before but its proving to be harder this time. Not only am i just physically tierd after going on stop, i just feel frustrated with it all. On top of it all, i didnt get in to Radford. Im still waiting to here back form WVU but i dout i got in. Which means im going to be stuck here next year. Which was not what i planned or wanted at all. I'd been doing so well this year i was almost positive i was going to get into Radford, but i guess not. and thats another thing, I was doing well this year, but since my surgery i havent been able to catch up in math or really have any grasp of what we're learning, so im now failling that class. If i dont pass that class, i dont graduate. So i guess im not suited for college anyways. To make it worse theres other things that have been going through my head. I keep going over pros and cons of things and they all seem to even out, i just dont know what to do. Im also really confused about a friendship that i thought i had. I dont know if were friends anymore or what. I want to still want to be, but i get so many mixed messages from the other person im never sure. I want to talk about it with them but i dont know what to say. I guess i just wish that if they really had an issues with me, and didnt want to keep in contact theyd straight up tell me. yes, i would be upset of the lost of the friend, but id at least know once in for all what the deal is and end this confusion. blah, like i said i just dont know what to do about anything, i know i have people i could talk to, but for some reason i dont feel any of them could help me. Tomorrows friday and for the most part im not even excited about it. I have track and work after school, and there for i feel it will be a bad day. Yes i could quit track, or quit work and not have to deal with one or the other, but i need track to get in shape, and i started it so i want to finish, and i need work cuase i need money for gas, and going out. Not to mention to save for any trip i might be taking in the summer. So all in all i guess you could say i do this all to myself, well yes, that is true. But why does it bother me so much, i didnt have this problem last time i did this. Everything was going well this year, but its gone right back to where it was before. RIght now my life is surrounded by uncertainty. I find myself draging my feat these days. I walk with a heavy heart and dont know where to go or what to do. I write this entry cuase the room in my head is growing smaller with the my thoughts and i need to clear some space. How ever all these question remain un answered and all my problems unsolved so these thoughts will soon return, but in the mean time new questions and problems will be born and run through my head, until i clear those out for yet another set. One of these days it all get jammed up and i will break down.