Urgh!
So today I'm not really having a good day. There's nothing great at all about today. I've been solitary all day, no one has really talked to me. In gym Mrs. Flynn was absent again so we went to the classroom and sat there. LEng didn't sit with me and Jen was right next to me but was facing hte opposite direction and only said hi. SO I haven't talked to anyone. My mouth's been closed all day so I think I've developed bad breath. I don't have money to buy lunch today and eating would really improve my spirits, oh that sounds pathetic. I hate being excluded!
If Kyle was here he'd cheer me up and never let me be alone. I miss him being here, I wish he was. I feel like I'm going to cry right now for some odd reason. I had a "slip" as Stephen calls it on Monday or Tuesday night. I went into extreme depressed mode at play rehearsal at about ten. So I took the safety pin on my shoelace and "scratched" my leg. No everlasting scars so it's fine. It was just as I said, a scratch, no deep bloody cut like usual. My life's not really stable at the moment. I have nothing to live for since my crush for Jimmy is over, that basically gave me something to think about everyday besides my fucked up problems. Here's the wanting to cry sensation again. Damn it!
I hate myself sometimes. Well I went to my psychaitrist yesterday. My doctor is a man so we're going to have to change that. By changing I mean going to see a woman. I hate guys, extreme trust issues there. He was a nice dude though. We talked, well my mom talked most of it, I just sat staring at the ugly tapestries on the wall twiddling my thumbs. So nothing great going on there.
Then the opening night of the play was last night. We had fun. There wasn't a lot of people though, but a pretty good sized crowd. It was a Thursday night so that's probably why. Kyle was there and he bought me a rose! That made me smile. He gave me a ride home also. Then I curled in bed with CHester and fell instantly asleep. So then today happened and now I'm waiting for something good to happen to cheer up my day. Somehow I think the outcome of that happeneing is very slim. It's cold, I hate cold. I want to sleep.
Ok Back from lunch! Lunch was invaded by lunch one people. So not cool. Well Lindsay T and Fitzi gave me money so I could go buy food. I love them very mucho right now. So I ate and now I'm happy and I'm cured and yeah. I don't want to go to math next! I hate it because I'm not understanding it. Again! Well I have got to go to sixth period so bye y'all.
If Kyle was here he'd cheer me up and never let me be alone. I miss him being here, I wish he was. I feel like I'm going to cry right now for some odd reason. I had a "slip" as Stephen calls it on Monday or Tuesday night. I went into extreme depressed mode at play rehearsal at about ten. So I took the safety pin on my shoelace and "scratched" my leg. No everlasting scars so it's fine. It was just as I said, a scratch, no deep bloody cut like usual. My life's not really stable at the moment. I have nothing to live for since my crush for Jimmy is over, that basically gave me something to think about everyday besides my fucked up problems. Here's the wanting to cry sensation again. Damn it!
I hate myself sometimes. Well I went to my psychaitrist yesterday. My doctor is a man so we're going to have to change that. By changing I mean going to see a woman. I hate guys, extreme trust issues there. He was a nice dude though. We talked, well my mom talked most of it, I just sat staring at the ugly tapestries on the wall twiddling my thumbs. So nothing great going on there.
Then the opening night of the play was last night. We had fun. There wasn't a lot of people though, but a pretty good sized crowd. It was a Thursday night so that's probably why. Kyle was there and he bought me a rose! That made me smile. He gave me a ride home also. Then I curled in bed with CHester and fell instantly asleep. So then today happened and now I'm waiting for something good to happen to cheer up my day. Somehow I think the outcome of that happeneing is very slim. It's cold, I hate cold. I want to sleep.
Ok Back from lunch! Lunch was invaded by lunch one people. So not cool. Well Lindsay T and Fitzi gave me money so I could go buy food. I love them very mucho right now. So I ate and now I'm happy and I'm cured and yeah. I don't want to go to math next! I hate it because I'm not understanding it. Again! Well I have got to go to sixth period so bye y'all.