(no subject)

[deathsgift]

So... Ya... I just wanted to say that I mite be getting better... I mean I'm still crazy as all hell, but I'm doing ok in my eyes and thatz all that really counts... right? right. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately... mostly about my life and where itz going.... not very far... but.. I'll fix it someday.... I know I will... I have also been thinking about my baby... not a child for those of who don't know me, but instead Keith... I believe... I don't even think believe is the correct term, but it sort of works haha.... in different levels of love... I mean there's unconditional.. where thatz for family and close friends... there's loving someone where you know that this person lights up ur life and you just feel this feeling that you know you can't explain really... you would a huge list of whut that kind of love is, and then last, but not least you have being in love.... This is the hardest level to get to... you can't just be in love with someone... this one you can't have a list..theres no words to discribe being in love... you just are... and you are very lucky if you get to this level... I mean I think I was in love once before... It's such a strong concept its kind of hard to tell ur actually there... I mean the level of being in love is crazy.. the only way to discribe it would be to say that when you feel like you care about someone so much that you feel like ur past just loving them, and you feel as if they mite feel the same... you may be in love... I know I'm wicked stupid but thatz whut I think.... and I've been thinking about this a lot lately cuz I think I may be in love with Keith... I mean if I spent more time with him.... ALL MY FAULT I KNOW..... I know I woudn't be able to take how much love I would feel for him..cuz just right now I know that I have never felt like this before EVER!!! and I hope he knows that... It's just when I'm with him I feel like a whole new person a better person.... like my whole shitty life that exits now doesn't really exist... I know he's told me that he doesn't exactly feel the same... mostly cuz he doesn't see me, but I'm hoping someday he will... and then and only then will I seriously know that I'm in love.... so for right now I know that there is potential for me to be in love with Keith.... He is my everything, and I never ever thought I'd be this lucky to have Keith in my life as a lover and a best friend... I mean we've been friends for a while and all but now I think I know him so much more than before...well thatz way too much writting... peace out!
PS.... I love you baby,and I hope I didn't freek u out in n e way.... peace