(no subject)
i miss him so much.
i called him tonight. against all judgment.
i hung up before he could pick up, but he called me back.
i love him. and hearing his voice made me crumble.
anime day with sarah and michael. i can't wait to see them.
i think i'm forcing myself to be interested in other people, just for the distraction,
just so this hurts less. andy is a random boy from a halloween party i won't continue to message,
and dave is sweet and funny and when he holds me during a movie it feels safe, and caring,
but wrong.
because it's not nicolas.
but nicolas doesn't want me anymore,
and i have to keep remembering that.
it's hard to eat and it's hard to stop eating. it's constant and getting worse.
and all i want is to have nicolas in my bed beside me, not turned away from me, but wrapped around me, like he used too before that was something he didn't enjoy to do with me.
i'm drinking peppermint tea and feeling impure, while my mouth is minty.
i called him tonight. against all judgment.
i hung up before he could pick up, but he called me back.
i love him. and hearing his voice made me crumble.
anime day with sarah and michael. i can't wait to see them.
i think i'm forcing myself to be interested in other people, just for the distraction,
just so this hurts less. andy is a random boy from a halloween party i won't continue to message,
and dave is sweet and funny and when he holds me during a movie it feels safe, and caring,
but wrong.
because it's not nicolas.
but nicolas doesn't want me anymore,
and i have to keep remembering that.
it's hard to eat and it's hard to stop eating. it's constant and getting worse.
and all i want is to have nicolas in my bed beside me, not turned away from me, but wrapped around me, like he used too before that was something he didn't enjoy to do with me.
i'm drinking peppermint tea and feeling impure, while my mouth is minty.