Don't bother reading, I'm bitter

May 25, 2005 19:08

I hate everything and almost everyone right now. I'm a horrible girlfriend and I think I should break up with Ricky. He might hate me for a while but it'd be best for him in the end. He doesn't need someone who uses him like I do. He says I don't use him, but I honestly think I do. My mom was right.

My "friends" are dissapearing. The ones I care the most about care the least about me. Jane, Nicole, that's you. Nicole ignores me and doesn't talk to me no matter how much I tear my fucking heart out for her. No matter how much I love you, little sister, you really don't love me back. Not even in a platonic way. Don't even try and tell me you do, because I can tell that you really don't give a shit about me. Never mind the fact that I've loved you longer than most of your current friends have known you, you like them more. You have GREAT fucking times with them, good for you. I'm happy that you have friends to have so much fun with. But next time they hurt you, I hope you think about me, and I hope you call me and I hope that you realize how much I really do care for you Nicole, and I hope you care for me too, even just a little bit.

Jane, after everything we went through, Brittany and Shannon, I never thought our friendship would come to this. I never thought you wouldn't want me around for something, and I never thought you'd just drop me like a heavy fucking burdon. But I guess that's all I was to you. A burdon. "Oh no, Crystal's upset again. Now I have to listen to her cry and solve everything for her. She's soooo dependant and she really can't help herself just once." I've thought the same thing about myself. But still, Jane. Of all people, I never thought you'd come to an end like this. Everything we went through and it was thrown into the gutter like an old shoe.

I'll be a junior next year again. Oh, how fun. The friends that are left will be graduating, and I'll be stuck as a junior again. When I finally graduate myself, I'll be the only one left of us.

Tess of JTHM: It's not your fault
Tess of JTHM: It's mine
Tess of JTHM: All my fault, and I deserve everything I get
Tess of JTHM: I wish the window hadn't broken so easily and knocked me out instead
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