So many thoughts..such a small mind..*chuckles*
This time of the year is normally hard for me and this year is not going to be an exception. But with the way things are working in my life right now, it's getting a little easier every day. I have always thanked the gods for the way things are in my life and what I have because I know that I do have it better than most, even with all the bitching I do. Tonight was a reminder of that. For an hour I sat on my picnic table in the backyard and watched the goings on of our small town. In a nice 60 degree sunset with a gentle wind I watched all the neighborhood kids play in the field, the old timers gathered at the store that used to be owned by family and just life in general going on and opening up as spring is blossoming. After that one of my closest friends, Amanda, showed up at my house, we went out and ordered pizza, came back and watched a movie, curled up on the couch together and just talked for a while after. My life is Good. Even with all the demons in my head, my life is Good. I have a handful of friends that are my world, we all pretty much live for each other and I need them in my life as they need me, we watch out for each other, take care of each other, and laugh at each other. I only hope they realize how much I appreciate what they are to me.
I have my house, and all though it does need some work, it is a house, its a shelter that keeps me dry and warm. Sometimes I have a hard time living here with all the memories and what not, but it's more than what a lot of people have and I am starting to appreciate that more and more. Some day I would like to move out of this house, my dream is to build my own, that way it can be exactly the way I want it, but if it doesn't happen, so be it. Atleast I have this place. I have a good job, an excellent job actually. It's a very hard job physically but I have to appreciate what it is. Right now I make $8.80 an hour, which is an awesome wage for the three rivers area. By June that should be bumped up to about $9.25. They are also willing to give me pretty much all the overtime I want..I work no less than 44 hours a week and usually it is closer to 48-50. Also one of my bosses has really looked out for me since I started there a little over 2 years ago, he's kinda taken me under his wing of sorts and helped me out a lot. He has even hired me to work at his home a few times and actually I have a job I have to do for him this week. So as far as my job goes, besides having to stand outside in the blazing heat or bitter cold, I can't really complain as long as I try to take care of myself physically.
I was looking back on some of my journal entries tonight, specifically the one I made a few months ago about my new years resolutions and I was surprised to find that I am doing reasonably well with them so far this year. As far as the finanical situation goes, things are still fairly tight cause I am putting just about everything extra I have into paying my bills, but the major ones I wanted to get done this year, should be paid off my December, it may be December 31st at 11:59 but they will be paid THIS YEAR.
Burning Bridges and Building Foundations..well what can I say to that...Holy Fucking Twisted Silly and Sideways Batman. But it's working. I have ended a couple of "friendships" that needed to be ended, and a couple things need to be dealt with some relatives, but I have dug up a couple of my old friends and we are catching up more and more all the time, it seems really good to have some old faces in a new life. And for those who don't already know (I think mostly everyone does but just incase) Tori and I aren't together anymore. We split a few months back because of my own issues but thats another story. ON a better note though I have also got connected with a great uncle of mine that was really close to me when I was younger. He's an old man now but I still love him the same and we are spending a little more time together..I am going to help him on his farm this summer and fall to help take some of the burden off of him. I figure its the least I can do to help him out considering all he did for me and taught me as a kid.
I am starting to exercise more, I am in the process of getting a speed bag, heavy bag and weight bench from a friend of mine, he doesn't use them anymore and he needs the room so we're doin a little dealing. Time to get this boy into shape and see what we can really do. As far as the mentality thing goes..welllll....I am still crazy as all fuck but thats never gonna change so your just gonna have to live with it.
Peace.
I have my house, and all though it does need some work, it is a house, its a shelter that keeps me dry and warm. Sometimes I have a hard time living here with all the memories and what not, but it's more than what a lot of people have and I am starting to appreciate that more and more. Some day I would like to move out of this house, my dream is to build my own, that way it can be exactly the way I want it, but if it doesn't happen, so be it. Atleast I have this place. I have a good job, an excellent job actually. It's a very hard job physically but I have to appreciate what it is. Right now I make $8.80 an hour, which is an awesome wage for the three rivers area. By June that should be bumped up to about $9.25. They are also willing to give me pretty much all the overtime I want..I work no less than 44 hours a week and usually it is closer to 48-50. Also one of my bosses has really looked out for me since I started there a little over 2 years ago, he's kinda taken me under his wing of sorts and helped me out a lot. He has even hired me to work at his home a few times and actually I have a job I have to do for him this week. So as far as my job goes, besides having to stand outside in the blazing heat or bitter cold, I can't really complain as long as I try to take care of myself physically.
I was looking back on some of my journal entries tonight, specifically the one I made a few months ago about my new years resolutions and I was surprised to find that I am doing reasonably well with them so far this year. As far as the finanical situation goes, things are still fairly tight cause I am putting just about everything extra I have into paying my bills, but the major ones I wanted to get done this year, should be paid off my December, it may be December 31st at 11:59 but they will be paid THIS YEAR.
Burning Bridges and Building Foundations..well what can I say to that...Holy Fucking Twisted Silly and Sideways Batman. But it's working. I have ended a couple of "friendships" that needed to be ended, and a couple things need to be dealt with some relatives, but I have dug up a couple of my old friends and we are catching up more and more all the time, it seems really good to have some old faces in a new life. And for those who don't already know (I think mostly everyone does but just incase) Tori and I aren't together anymore. We split a few months back because of my own issues but thats another story. ON a better note though I have also got connected with a great uncle of mine that was really close to me when I was younger. He's an old man now but I still love him the same and we are spending a little more time together..I am going to help him on his farm this summer and fall to help take some of the burden off of him. I figure its the least I can do to help him out considering all he did for me and taught me as a kid.
I am starting to exercise more, I am in the process of getting a speed bag, heavy bag and weight bench from a friend of mine, he doesn't use them anymore and he needs the room so we're doin a little dealing. Time to get this boy into shape and see what we can really do. As far as the mentality thing goes..welllll....I am still crazy as all fuck but thats never gonna change so your just gonna have to live with it.
Peace.