misfire

[deathofsadness]

when thinking about a percieved lack of freedom,
anticipating freedom... hoping... contemplating...
remembering a lost isolation...
longing for it... repulsed by it...
acknowledging unreached happiness...
an ever-present lacking.
not understanding why... being unable to, unwilling.
restless, no release.
no contentment, only contention
with self.
questioning "freedom".
questioning "truth".
questioning "love".
disbelieving them all. disbelieving me. the reality of anything.
restless, no release.

empty, waiting for the pour. it comes. sieve.

when the audience is uncomprehending, so much so that they have become actors while i watch... not able to bear the scenes played out before me silently. i am the audience, i am the actress. they are the actors, they are the audience. beholden to none but themselves.

now here is a challenge
i am afraid of.

don't say that it is real. that it isn't a play. please.

when there is too much blood
cannot find the heart
perhaps there is none.

lost, looking for something lost.

happiness is a warm gun.

~dissonance