Discrimination against bisexuals.
The House episode last week got me a little heated over the talk running throughout it against bisexuals. Geli mentioned that they were being such guys about it and I said, "It's not just guys though. Tons of people act like just because someone's bisexual, they're a sex fiend incapable of not cheating. It's a terrible attitude no matter who it's coming from."
Luckily it's not unusual for any of us to have little rants or go on about something on TV. I was sorely tempted to also burst out with the fact that I've heard many of the same, unfair things being said to/about 13 directed at me, and that was why I was so bothered to hear them.. but I resisted. I haven't exactly come out to my sisters. It took me years, until I was 19, before I even told my Mom. We'd had a very short discussion once in my early teens, where homosexuality came up.
Mom: "You're not a lesbian, are you?"
Me: "Um.. no.."
Mom: "Thank goodness."
Seriously, who's going to want to come out to their mom after that, whether it's bisexuality or lesbianism? I figured she was one of those people that's super pro-gay, except when it comes to their own child.
I finally felt like I had reached a personal point where I could tell her and e-mailed her a confession. I was all nervous and then she e-mails me back basically saying, 'So?' She said that I was married, so she didn't see how it mattered any. I replied that it's important to me because it's still a part of who I am, married or not. (Also, my marriage was open, but I wasn't about to launch into that explanation!) I cited that previous conversation as why I had never said anything. It turns out that she only said that because she didn't want me going through the hardships that being a lesbian can visit upon you, on top of all the other shit I was going through in life.
Well, christ. Understandable, but future moms, watch how you phrase things like that to your kids!
I haven't come out to my sisters for similar, though less blatant reasons, though I would like them to know. They've said little things here and there that simply make me very hesitant to reveal to them that I'm bi. Evan was really pushing me for a while to tell them because he was convinced that they'd be better about it than I feared. That was actually one of the few things we got into an outright argument over. He simply could not understand how I could say 'no, I'm not ready to chance it,' and refuse to budge. The last thing I want is to risk experiencing my sisters being uncomfortable with me or even hinting with some of those discriminatory things that people can say and do. I could've stood it from my Mom at the point that I informed her, which is why I finally did, but it's harder to face the possibility from my sisters. And I figure if I'm not prepared for the worst case scenario, then I'm not bringing it up. This is how I handle many things and it simply works for me. If I don't feel I could deal with the worst possible answer, I am not going to ask the question.
I certainly have been discriminated against before. A lot of people act like bisexuals never face that sort of thing and I hate that attitude. Sure, some people very luckily never experience it, but that's not always the case. I've actually seen the potential for things to be even worse for bisexuals than outright homosexuals, because there's essentially no safe haven group. They don't fit in as being quite one way or the other; not different enough to count, not 'normal' enough to count. They fall somewhere in between.
I've faced harsh remarks and attitudes from both straight and gay people. Both can act like a bisexual person is simply greedy, undecided, or confused. I've encountered homosexuals acting like coming out as a bisexual is fake as that person must actually homosexual themselves, riding the fence to avoid fully coming out; or that a bisexual's coming out isn't even valid, because it couldn't have possibly been as hard as coming out homosexual. Yet it can be as hard, when they are plenty of people who don't care if a girl's dating guys, they're still going to zero in on the fact that they're also dating girls. So you might as well have simply come out as a lesbian, the way they react. You're often still facing the same things and I know of bisexuals having to face a sort of 'mini coming out' every single time they go from dating the opposite gender to getting a new significant other that's the same gender.
It can be quite hurtful to have someone you've considered a friend, a gay male, tell you right to your face, "Oh, you're not bisexual. That doesn't even exist. You're just greedy and gotta have 'em both rather than pick one." This happened to me in college and was the first of a series of derogatory remarks I heard from homosexuals. It stunned me, because I had naively thought up to that point that someone who was gay would automatically and always be understanding. I assumed that they wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone their sexuality wasn't real, because that's something they might have gone through hearing themselves. It was almost more painful to hear that from a homosexual than from a straight, especially that first time, as it ruined my view of what I had considered a common bond of experiences. I almost dropped out of the GLBT (Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender) activism group that I was heavily involved with on our college campus.
It's even the 'little' things that can be hurtful, the views that have become popular and often accepted in our culture. I can't count how many times my boyfriends have received high-fives or been winked at by people, often accompanied with remarks right in front of me about threesomes and how lucky my boyfriend is. Some even acted like my boyfriends had actually convinced me to delve into bisexuality themselves, congratulating them on a good job, or asking how they'd managed to get me to try it out. They take my own sexuality right out of my hands and credit someone else for it about as sleazily as possible. It's insulting and the possibility that it could be never even seems to occur to them.
A lot of people act as though being bisexual is no big deal, that it's accepted by most people these days. It's the 'cool, hip thing' that all girls are doing to fit in. But I really don't think it's necessarily achieved more acceptance than homosexuality has. Both have taken certain great strides, overall, but there are still many misconceptions, stereotypes. Politically incorrect things can be said with no one batting an eye at it the way they would over something of an equal level said to a homosexual. I won't say outright that bisexuals have it harder or anything, but they can face some different things that make it at least as hard for them, yet they may receive no understanding or credit of that from either 'side.'
Luckily it's not unusual for any of us to have little rants or go on about something on TV. I was sorely tempted to also burst out with the fact that I've heard many of the same, unfair things being said to/about 13 directed at me, and that was why I was so bothered to hear them.. but I resisted. I haven't exactly come out to my sisters. It took me years, until I was 19, before I even told my Mom. We'd had a very short discussion once in my early teens, where homosexuality came up.
Mom: "You're not a lesbian, are you?"
Me: "Um.. no.."
Mom: "Thank goodness."
Seriously, who's going to want to come out to their mom after that, whether it's bisexuality or lesbianism? I figured she was one of those people that's super pro-gay, except when it comes to their own child.
I finally felt like I had reached a personal point where I could tell her and e-mailed her a confession. I was all nervous and then she e-mails me back basically saying, 'So?' She said that I was married, so she didn't see how it mattered any. I replied that it's important to me because it's still a part of who I am, married or not. (Also, my marriage was open, but I wasn't about to launch into that explanation!) I cited that previous conversation as why I had never said anything. It turns out that she only said that because she didn't want me going through the hardships that being a lesbian can visit upon you, on top of all the other shit I was going through in life.
Well, christ. Understandable, but future moms, watch how you phrase things like that to your kids!
I haven't come out to my sisters for similar, though less blatant reasons, though I would like them to know. They've said little things here and there that simply make me very hesitant to reveal to them that I'm bi. Evan was really pushing me for a while to tell them because he was convinced that they'd be better about it than I feared. That was actually one of the few things we got into an outright argument over. He simply could not understand how I could say 'no, I'm not ready to chance it,' and refuse to budge. The last thing I want is to risk experiencing my sisters being uncomfortable with me or even hinting with some of those discriminatory things that people can say and do. I could've stood it from my Mom at the point that I informed her, which is why I finally did, but it's harder to face the possibility from my sisters. And I figure if I'm not prepared for the worst case scenario, then I'm not bringing it up. This is how I handle many things and it simply works for me. If I don't feel I could deal with the worst possible answer, I am not going to ask the question.
I certainly have been discriminated against before. A lot of people act like bisexuals never face that sort of thing and I hate that attitude. Sure, some people very luckily never experience it, but that's not always the case. I've actually seen the potential for things to be even worse for bisexuals than outright homosexuals, because there's essentially no safe haven group. They don't fit in as being quite one way or the other; not different enough to count, not 'normal' enough to count. They fall somewhere in between.
I've faced harsh remarks and attitudes from both straight and gay people. Both can act like a bisexual person is simply greedy, undecided, or confused. I've encountered homosexuals acting like coming out as a bisexual is fake as that person must actually homosexual themselves, riding the fence to avoid fully coming out; or that a bisexual's coming out isn't even valid, because it couldn't have possibly been as hard as coming out homosexual. Yet it can be as hard, when they are plenty of people who don't care if a girl's dating guys, they're still going to zero in on the fact that they're also dating girls. So you might as well have simply come out as a lesbian, the way they react. You're often still facing the same things and I know of bisexuals having to face a sort of 'mini coming out' every single time they go from dating the opposite gender to getting a new significant other that's the same gender.
It can be quite hurtful to have someone you've considered a friend, a gay male, tell you right to your face, "Oh, you're not bisexual. That doesn't even exist. You're just greedy and gotta have 'em both rather than pick one." This happened to me in college and was the first of a series of derogatory remarks I heard from homosexuals. It stunned me, because I had naively thought up to that point that someone who was gay would automatically and always be understanding. I assumed that they wouldn't have dreamed of telling anyone their sexuality wasn't real, because that's something they might have gone through hearing themselves. It was almost more painful to hear that from a homosexual than from a straight, especially that first time, as it ruined my view of what I had considered a common bond of experiences. I almost dropped out of the GLBT (Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender) activism group that I was heavily involved with on our college campus.
It's even the 'little' things that can be hurtful, the views that have become popular and often accepted in our culture. I can't count how many times my boyfriends have received high-fives or been winked at by people, often accompanied with remarks right in front of me about threesomes and how lucky my boyfriend is. Some even acted like my boyfriends had actually convinced me to delve into bisexuality themselves, congratulating them on a good job, or asking how they'd managed to get me to try it out. They take my own sexuality right out of my hands and credit someone else for it about as sleazily as possible. It's insulting and the possibility that it could be never even seems to occur to them.
A lot of people act as though being bisexual is no big deal, that it's accepted by most people these days. It's the 'cool, hip thing' that all girls are doing to fit in. But I really don't think it's necessarily achieved more acceptance than homosexuality has. Both have taken certain great strides, overall, but there are still many misconceptions, stereotypes. Politically incorrect things can be said with no one batting an eye at it the way they would over something of an equal level said to a homosexual. I won't say outright that bisexuals have it harder or anything, but they can face some different things that make it at least as hard for them, yet they may receive no understanding or credit of that from either 'side.'