(no subject)
WHY do I save e-mails? Why do I save ANYTHING for that matter; old notes, letters, pictures, etc? There is a certain point where they make you smile, but sometimes the yearning for those memories have not gone away and all they do is cause you to feel like shit if you look at them too soon. I love reminiscing on good times with friends I still have, even if we don't talk anymore. But every once in a while, I'll stumble on something that reminds me of Singling, and BAM I feel like a complete lowlife, scumbag. Am I EVER going to be able to accept that I lost my best friend due to MY immature choices? MY stupid mistakes? I just read this old e-mail I still have from her, when I was going through a rough time, and all it says is what a great person I am, blah blah blah. It honestly made me cry. I know everything happens for a reason, and usually I can deal with that. But this has been one of the hardest examples of something bad happening, and good coming from it. Nothing good or beneficial has happened to me from not having her friendship. I sound like some crazy obsessed ex-girlfriend, and that's really weird, and totally not how I'm trying to sound. I just can't seem to move on, even though I do want the best for Singling, and if that means not being my friend, then so be it, it's just really REALLY hard to accept. I really though that Singling and I would graduate together, and like.. be best friends forever. But of course, I fucked up some other really awesome relationship in my life, I seem to be quite good at that. But I suppose that brings me to the good out of this.. I did learn a lesson. VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK. I sound like a fortune cookie or some cliche advice you've heard over and over again. but FUCK, it's so true. so so so so so true. alright, that's all. I'm done.