(no subject)
So the apparently the Bahamas debacle is happening. (sigh) I just see it being awkward no matter what. Even if somehow I did have a boyfriend/fiance by next January to invite along, which would take a miracle, I feel like with other women around after I spend the day doing work conferences with the guys, I'm automatically going to be stuck with the wives for some things and frankly, I've got nothing in common with them.
I don't give a fuck about a spa day. I'm not going to wear a bikini and lounge around the pool, even if I lost weight because I'm never going to be a cute little waifish size 2. I don't have kids and I don't want to hear about toilet training and preschool for three days since I have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
And God help me if I go as a single woman. If I don't have a guy there with me the younger ones will be judging. The older ones will probably just be asking me what I'm waiting for. ("For someone to actually want me" is the honest answer but just makes things more awkward...) And of course if I'm still fat I'm an object of humor. If I'm not, some of them are probably going to be concerned that I'm working with their husbands. I love how supportive women can be of either other, but Jesus, we can also be the worst critics, especially when the competitive yardstick of your husbands and kids are involved. And I just don't want to deal with the awkwardness of being the one woman at the company around all their wives, single or not.
I feel like I can't win with this, no matter what. It's either going to be awkward if I'm not single or pathetically awkward if I am. So I'm pretty much resigned to just getting through it. I just loathe being forced into situations where I feel like I'm bound to be uncomfortably judged or not fit in.
At least the boss offered the option if we want to come early or stay a few days extra after the conference we can, even if of course we foot the bill for the extra hotel days. But considering it looks like they're still picking up the airfare and all, good deal for me. Depending on the cost, if I can foot the bill, I may well do that so I can do some things I want to do and go get some scuba diving done and have some fun by myself after a few days of total awkward.
First World problems, I know. I feel kind of stupid and privileged whining about this when I know last year I'd have wanted to tell anyone whose company would foot the bill for a nice trip like this to shut the fuck up, but when the thing's making me just depressed and anxious at the thought of it full year ahead, this is not good news. If I could trade one of you guys the trip, believe me, I'm pretty sure I would.
Anyone out there want to go to Massachusetts and marry me for a free trip to the Bahamas, be my very platonic wife for a few days, and then we can get a quickie annulment after? ;)
I don't give a fuck about a spa day. I'm not going to wear a bikini and lounge around the pool, even if I lost weight because I'm never going to be a cute little waifish size 2. I don't have kids and I don't want to hear about toilet training and preschool for three days since I have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
And God help me if I go as a single woman. If I don't have a guy there with me the younger ones will be judging. The older ones will probably just be asking me what I'm waiting for. ("For someone to actually want me" is the honest answer but just makes things more awkward...) And of course if I'm still fat I'm an object of humor. If I'm not, some of them are probably going to be concerned that I'm working with their husbands. I love how supportive women can be of either other, but Jesus, we can also be the worst critics, especially when the competitive yardstick of your husbands and kids are involved. And I just don't want to deal with the awkwardness of being the one woman at the company around all their wives, single or not.
I feel like I can't win with this, no matter what. It's either going to be awkward if I'm not single or pathetically awkward if I am. So I'm pretty much resigned to just getting through it. I just loathe being forced into situations where I feel like I'm bound to be uncomfortably judged or not fit in.
At least the boss offered the option if we want to come early or stay a few days extra after the conference we can, even if of course we foot the bill for the extra hotel days. But considering it looks like they're still picking up the airfare and all, good deal for me. Depending on the cost, if I can foot the bill, I may well do that so I can do some things I want to do and go get some scuba diving done and have some fun by myself after a few days of total awkward.
First World problems, I know. I feel kind of stupid and privileged whining about this when I know last year I'd have wanted to tell anyone whose company would foot the bill for a nice trip like this to shut the fuck up, but when the thing's making me just depressed and anxious at the thought of it full year ahead, this is not good news. If I could trade one of you guys the trip, believe me, I'm pretty sure I would.
Anyone out there want to go to Massachusetts and marry me for a free trip to the Bahamas, be my very platonic wife for a few days, and then we can get a quickie annulment after? ;)