No matter how badly you broke my heart, I just want to let you know that you will be special to me. Truth be told, I just don't think I'll ever get over you.
I know, believe me. With that being said, I guess this is the perfect opportunity to open up.
Last night was a bit rough on me. I went to a wake of a patient whom I have been taking care of since my inception at Kenmore Mercy. She was only 49 years old, and her big 5-0 was literally days away. The daughter of the family told me to never loose my compassion, and I promised her I would never loose it no matter what.
After that event, I went to Canisius with my friend to see his girlfriend who I haven't seen in almost a year or so. Her best friend, who I was sort of seeing for a whopping month and a half was there. The last time I saw her was Christmas eve where I came over bearing gifts. For whatever reason, she wanted to be left alone that evening, but I was persistent and insisted on dropping off these gifts to her once and for all. Needless to say, seeing her really brought back some memories. You would think that after 8 months of not seeing an individual they would be happy to see you. This unfortunately wasn't the case. She was a bit surprised to see me, and it almost appeared like she was alarmed I was there, probably hoping I didn't say anything to her. I kept my distance, was extremely friendly, and smiled making conversation with everyone else in the room during the 5 minute duration of my stay. When all was said and done, I noticed she gave me a very lengthy amount of eye contact, which I'm trying very hard to figure out and block out of my mind.
The reason I said that she is very special to me, is that she actually gave me a shot. A shot at a potentially healthy relationship, one which I longed for. Although she is the one that called everything off, I realized I fucked up quite a bit with her, and I wish things went extraordinarily different with her, but there isn't anything I can do. I would love to open up to her with this segment, but I know that will never happen considering she is so quick to shut me down.
the duration of a relationship (or any type of contact) doesn't matter; if you read my blog you'll see that I'm still fighting through being an emotional wreck from a relationship that barely lasted two months. The most important thing for you to do right now is to do everything you can to not dwell on the events that happened; introspecting and over analyzing why she did what she did will only serve to make you feel more like shit. Recognize how you feel and attempt to move on. Do what you feel will make YOU feel the best. If that means emailing her/ texting her/ etc, then do it. But don't dwell; make a decision and go with it. If you find yourself in a rut, immediately change what you're doing at that minute; go for a walk, take a drive, play videogames, etc. Just don't let it dominate your life. I'm fighting that same battle right now.
Thanks for the advice kind sir. I'm sorry to hear that you're in the same boat as I am in.
In the words of Modern Life Is War- "...but we're much too young to be dwelling on thoughts like this. So scrape your heart up from the bottom of the barrel. Keep your faith in the path that's growing narrow. Kill the doubt inside your head. We overcome. We push ahead."
Last night was a bit rough on me. I went to a wake of a patient whom I have been taking care of since my inception at Kenmore Mercy. She was only 49 years old, and her big 5-0 was literally days away. The daughter of the family told me to never loose my compassion, and I promised her I would never loose it no matter what.
After that event, I went to Canisius with my friend to see his girlfriend who I haven't seen in almost a year or so. Her best friend, who I was sort of seeing for a whopping month and a half was there. The last time I saw her was Christmas eve where I came over bearing gifts. For whatever reason, she wanted to be left alone that evening, but I was persistent and insisted on dropping off these gifts to her once and for all. Needless to say, seeing her really brought back some memories. You would think that after 8 months of not seeing an individual they would be happy to see you. This unfortunately wasn't the case. She was a bit surprised to see me, and it almost appeared like she was alarmed I was there, probably hoping I didn't say anything to her. I kept my distance, was extremely friendly, and smiled making conversation with everyone else in the room during the 5 minute duration of my stay. When all was said and done, I noticed she gave me a very lengthy amount of eye contact, which I'm trying very hard to figure out and block out of my mind.
The reason I said that she is very special to me, is that she actually gave me a shot. A shot at a potentially healthy relationship, one which I longed for. Although she is the one that called everything off, I realized I fucked up quite a bit with her, and I wish things went extraordinarily different with her, but there isn't anything I can do. I would love to open up to her with this segment, but I know that will never happen considering she is so quick to shut me down.
*end rant*
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In the words of Modern Life Is War- "...but we're much too young to be dwelling on thoughts like this. So scrape your heart up from the bottom of the barrel. Keep your faith in the path that's growing narrow. Kill the doubt inside your head. We overcome. We push ahead."
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