(no subject)
I remember when I first discovered livejournal.
I seemed to have a lot more friends, and would always be able to learn about someone.
I used to post in a hardcore dancing community.
And look at those 'application only' groups with my girlfriend that lived with me.
Whatever happened to that?
I just realized tonight that I have all this extra freedom that kids my age don't have.
I don't have school, or work, and when I'm home, I get all the food I could need.
But I waste away because of my nihilistic despair and loneliness.
It's been a long time since I've been this lonely.
I used to stay up all night with my girlfriend that lived with me at my parents' house, drink soda, eat pizza, and play halo 2 online all night with my best friend.
Then I ditched my girlfriend, and she ran away. Literally. And moved out.
And then my straight edge best friend got his girlfriend pregnant and started doing drugs.
And I haven't had anyone to comfort me for a long time.
If you guys could only see me laying on my floor, passively playing my video game because being lost in a world with people to talk to on the other end, is better than being surrounded by the lot of people I don't have any respect for anymore, or just hurts me too much to see them. Brandon, break up with Chelsea! It will be clear in retrospect, and you KNOW it. Sarah, just stop it with the intoxication already, you can't pretend to be quittin all the time. Addison, fucking think again. Alina, be a little more compassionate, school isn't the answer, and pretending like stuff doesn't happen isn't going to help. You know it makes you unhappy. Mary, Olivia, EVERYONE ELSE I USED TO HANG OUT WITH, WHAT IS SO COOL ABOUT PARTYING?
I'm extremely unhappy here, and it makes things grey, even when I'm supposed to be having fun. I don't know if there is a reason that swimming isn't fun to me anymore. I guess I've just given up. I'm too busy thinking about how I'm going to leave my mom alone, because my little brother costs her so much money.. and he doesn't care.
I know I can't find the answers or ends I want. And I don't know how to handle it.
I seemed to have a lot more friends, and would always be able to learn about someone.
I used to post in a hardcore dancing community.
And look at those 'application only' groups with my girlfriend that lived with me.
Whatever happened to that?
I just realized tonight that I have all this extra freedom that kids my age don't have.
I don't have school, or work, and when I'm home, I get all the food I could need.
But I waste away because of my nihilistic despair and loneliness.
It's been a long time since I've been this lonely.
I used to stay up all night with my girlfriend that lived with me at my parents' house, drink soda, eat pizza, and play halo 2 online all night with my best friend.
Then I ditched my girlfriend, and she ran away. Literally. And moved out.
And then my straight edge best friend got his girlfriend pregnant and started doing drugs.
And I haven't had anyone to comfort me for a long time.
If you guys could only see me laying on my floor, passively playing my video game because being lost in a world with people to talk to on the other end, is better than being surrounded by the lot of people I don't have any respect for anymore, or just hurts me too much to see them. Brandon, break up with Chelsea! It will be clear in retrospect, and you KNOW it. Sarah, just stop it with the intoxication already, you can't pretend to be quittin all the time. Addison, fucking think again. Alina, be a little more compassionate, school isn't the answer, and pretending like stuff doesn't happen isn't going to help. You know it makes you unhappy. Mary, Olivia, EVERYONE ELSE I USED TO HANG OUT WITH, WHAT IS SO COOL ABOUT PARTYING?
I'm extremely unhappy here, and it makes things grey, even when I'm supposed to be having fun. I don't know if there is a reason that swimming isn't fun to me anymore. I guess I've just given up. I'm too busy thinking about how I'm going to leave my mom alone, because my little brother costs her so much money.. and he doesn't care.
I know I can't find the answers or ends I want. And I don't know how to handle it.