So I've finally figured out what it is.
Wow. After so long of being depressed lately and not knowing why, I think it all kinda came together. So here we journey. Let's start with Ashly Austin, and no, I'm not dissing her. It's just the fact that she is no longer in my life after all we've been through. I'm meaning everything. I met her in third grade, third fucking grade. I was just a kid. We played with dolls and stuff. She taught me how to dance, we watched the movie speed about 100 times one summer, because we thought Keanu[sp] Reeves was so damn hot. We knew every word. She was with me when I was in love with Joel Shields. She was there for my first kiss. And then, here she is, when I need her the most, my last two years of school, my last few years of growing up, and she is nowhere to be seen. I saved her life once, I really did, but she's not in mine anymore, so it's like I'm the one that died, and sometimes that's what it feels like. I mean, shit, she was my big sister. And now she's like this phantom. I don't even really remember what that she looks like or what her voice sounds like, and that's the worst feeling in the world. Yep, Yep. There's more, I'll just write it later, I'm too lazy and sick-feelings right now to write it all. And it kinda just all-around saddens me. Hell.