(no subject)
Gawd I was just reading the excerpt from december 13th of last year.. Alittle more than a year ago, and so much yet so little has happened. So much changed, and not so much in a good way. I was going on about how I had the problem of choosing between two men that I sincerely cared for both but of course they wouldnt let me keep both of them, that would be cheating, and both were running out of patience with me fast on how i couldnt seem to choose for the longest time. I dont even really kno if the one that i actaully showed that excerpt to, knew what i was actaully talking about. and its funny, i remember that after he had read it, he turned to me and asked me, " does that count for me too?"
well i dunno! most times when a person says that they want to be left alone, and blatantly state "by everyone. NO exceptions . " ; i would think that they mean it. i mean duh right? hahah o well, it was a big mistake anyhow. I had to drive to arkansas with a dear friend of mine to actaully "get away" from all the people that were trying to influence my decision. Matt didnt try to influence it, hell he didnt want me to date either of them!
(and i'm sorrie matthew, dating kyle DID prevent me and you from getting to see eachother for a VERY large part of this last year, and i feel remorse for i feel as tho its lost time that we can never really get back, which REMINDS me, hell i need to call your silly ass, you missed my birthday yo!)
being around matthew always has given me a sort of arrogance about myself, and always makes me feel young and vibrant which is so sad since i am only 20, but hey i am still going through a midlife crisis right now i swear! anyways- a roadtrip with just me and matt talking, it did influence me to shamefully make the decision that dating jc would turn out to be the sort of thing that aj had always try to do with me, make me into a wife, and of course, my fear of comittment started to scratch my nerves and of course, i did what i always do and that is get scared and leave. gawd i wish i hadnt done that.fuck me. o well, as it turned out to be, i ruthlessly ingored the purring kitten and went with a choice of utter stupidity, kyle. since then kyle lied and cheated on me mercilessly, launched several life wrenching addictions, wasted my time, every single paycheque i had gotten, and then had the audacity to blame me for why we werent happy whenever i had found out ALITTLE too fucking late that he was never interested in me in the first place, all he was content with was that i waited on his ass by hand and foot every fucking day. by fearing committment i had comitted myself to the very worst possible of situations. it had taken me this whole year to muster the courage to sever ties with that dope whore, and to get my life back into order.
well i dont think that i am succeeding. and worse than that- i have to make the decision to turn myself into the dallas police department for a due 24 days. and is THAT ever going to fucking blo. just to keep the semi pseudo respect of my father and brother.fuck me.
im am soo seriously late for work. fuck.
well i dunno! most times when a person says that they want to be left alone, and blatantly state "by everyone. NO exceptions . " ; i would think that they mean it. i mean duh right? hahah o well, it was a big mistake anyhow. I had to drive to arkansas with a dear friend of mine to actaully "get away" from all the people that were trying to influence my decision. Matt didnt try to influence it, hell he didnt want me to date either of them!
(and i'm sorrie matthew, dating kyle DID prevent me and you from getting to see eachother for a VERY large part of this last year, and i feel remorse for i feel as tho its lost time that we can never really get back, which REMINDS me, hell i need to call your silly ass, you missed my birthday yo!)
being around matthew always has given me a sort of arrogance about myself, and always makes me feel young and vibrant which is so sad since i am only 20, but hey i am still going through a midlife crisis right now i swear! anyways- a roadtrip with just me and matt talking, it did influence me to shamefully make the decision that dating jc would turn out to be the sort of thing that aj had always try to do with me, make me into a wife, and of course, my fear of comittment started to scratch my nerves and of course, i did what i always do and that is get scared and leave. gawd i wish i hadnt done that.fuck me. o well, as it turned out to be, i ruthlessly ingored the purring kitten and went with a choice of utter stupidity, kyle. since then kyle lied and cheated on me mercilessly, launched several life wrenching addictions, wasted my time, every single paycheque i had gotten, and then had the audacity to blame me for why we werent happy whenever i had found out ALITTLE too fucking late that he was never interested in me in the first place, all he was content with was that i waited on his ass by hand and foot every fucking day. by fearing committment i had comitted myself to the very worst possible of situations. it had taken me this whole year to muster the courage to sever ties with that dope whore, and to get my life back into order.
well i dont think that i am succeeding. and worse than that- i have to make the decision to turn myself into the dallas police department for a due 24 days. and is THAT ever going to fucking blo. just to keep the semi pseudo respect of my father and brother.fuck me.
im am soo seriously late for work. fuck.