long needed update
Last time I updated this journal, i was in what i thought was the end of a beautiful thing. What i later found out was, that it was the middle of something that would devistate me for awhile to come.
Now, in my sexual endevors, im up to 16 and surprizingly enough, im back with number one. Erica, shes a great girl, and she means well, but im not sure if i can eventually love this girl.
In order for you to understand most the details, i will have to go and tell the entire story....
After the only virginity thing, her and i fell apart quickly. several years pass by, and I go through the torture of Bria. I call it torture, but no matter what, there is a spot in my heart for her, my first love. Hence why its soo hard for me to love again. im not sure if its the fear of going through the heart break again, or jjust the inablity to let go. or even something more or less deep that i have no idea of. none the less, after the freak out of the last update, some weird events took place. bria and i never totally got back together, but it didnt stop us from have the same relationship without the title, but with a lot more lies. we both had our share of "cheating," which later turned for the worse. not to go into details but the relationship ended with her with her current boyfriend (which started behind my back)and me with absolutly nothing. after that through a series of unforinate events(no pun intended) i went to jail, yes me, in the big house. when i got out i found a girl for the homecomming dance. this girl was one of those hot girls that i would never beable to get. that lasted all teh way up to teh dance door then completely ended in the worse way. her and i didnt talk for months up until about a couple weeks ago. the crush will never go away, or ever happen. after her i had a period where i had nothing, big surprize. this is when erica(number one) and i had become friends again through work. i atempted to date her, but decided against it do to her surrent boy ordeal. after that i got whoreish again. i was doing stuff with three girls at one time. i had the hand-job girl, head girl, and sex girl. all very cute. after a few weeks of "my wife, my bitch, my girl"(pun intended), i picked one, my girl. she was young, immature, and gorgeous. that lasted maybe two weeks before we broke up, i told her it was for other reasons, but it was actually for erica. her and i got together and fucked on a regular. that lsted for a week before i made out with my wife and switched to her. which also didnt last long before i realized that i wanted erica back. soo through several events i won her back, but she no longer trusts me. and thats not the worst part. as i said before, can i even love this girl? can i even teach myself to love again at all? the feeling of the long lost still hold strong, after what happened i would never take her back though, just as she would never take me back. but its doesnt stop the feeling. all i can say is"damn i hate relationships"
Not to add much more but.... now i have this issue of wanting things i cant get. its not until i cant have a girl, that i want her, not completly, but on some level.
not to mention my standards are way too high now
i got some goreous girls talking to me in the not soo distant past, i want one of my own
not just hot, but popular, the preppy girls that were never in my reach, are.
i just.... i dunno
i just wanna give up on everything
but that means two things
JAIL
UNHAPPY MIKE
soooooo now what?
Now, in my sexual endevors, im up to 16 and surprizingly enough, im back with number one. Erica, shes a great girl, and she means well, but im not sure if i can eventually love this girl.
In order for you to understand most the details, i will have to go and tell the entire story....
After the only virginity thing, her and i fell apart quickly. several years pass by, and I go through the torture of Bria. I call it torture, but no matter what, there is a spot in my heart for her, my first love. Hence why its soo hard for me to love again. im not sure if its the fear of going through the heart break again, or jjust the inablity to let go. or even something more or less deep that i have no idea of. none the less, after the freak out of the last update, some weird events took place. bria and i never totally got back together, but it didnt stop us from have the same relationship without the title, but with a lot more lies. we both had our share of "cheating," which later turned for the worse. not to go into details but the relationship ended with her with her current boyfriend (which started behind my back)and me with absolutly nothing. after that through a series of unforinate events(no pun intended) i went to jail, yes me, in the big house. when i got out i found a girl for the homecomming dance. this girl was one of those hot girls that i would never beable to get. that lasted all teh way up to teh dance door then completely ended in the worse way. her and i didnt talk for months up until about a couple weeks ago. the crush will never go away, or ever happen. after her i had a period where i had nothing, big surprize. this is when erica(number one) and i had become friends again through work. i atempted to date her, but decided against it do to her surrent boy ordeal. after that i got whoreish again. i was doing stuff with three girls at one time. i had the hand-job girl, head girl, and sex girl. all very cute. after a few weeks of "my wife, my bitch, my girl"(pun intended), i picked one, my girl. she was young, immature, and gorgeous. that lasted maybe two weeks before we broke up, i told her it was for other reasons, but it was actually for erica. her and i got together and fucked on a regular. that lsted for a week before i made out with my wife and switched to her. which also didnt last long before i realized that i wanted erica back. soo through several events i won her back, but she no longer trusts me. and thats not the worst part. as i said before, can i even love this girl? can i even teach myself to love again at all? the feeling of the long lost still hold strong, after what happened i would never take her back though, just as she would never take me back. but its doesnt stop the feeling. all i can say is"damn i hate relationships"
Not to add much more but.... now i have this issue of wanting things i cant get. its not until i cant have a girl, that i want her, not completly, but on some level.
not to mention my standards are way too high now
i got some goreous girls talking to me in the not soo distant past, i want one of my own
not just hot, but popular, the preppy girls that were never in my reach, are.
i just.... i dunno
i just wanna give up on everything
but that means two things
JAIL
UNHAPPY MIKE
soooooo now what?